Chapter Text
Crime Squad [01/07/20XX]
16:43
*Bonk Bro added Makoto Niijima to Crime Squad*
Bonk Bro: this is the official chat for meetings n stuff
Bonk Bro: promise its v professional
Pink Panther:...Ryuji…
Bonk Bro: wut
Commander and Twink: the dramatic irony
Makoto: Um, Sakamoto-kun?
Bonk Bro: yea?
Makoto: ‘Bonk Bro’...?
Bonk Bro: SHIT!!!!
*Bonk Bro removed Makoto Niijima*
Pink Panther: Ryuji!!!!
Bonk Bro: i panicked!!!!!
Pink Panther: We want her to like the team, remember?!
Commander and Twink: tbf this has been the most authentic intro to the team possible
Bonk Bro: sorry bro
Commander and Twink: ryuji you have never done anything wrong in your life ever and ilu
Bonk Bro: no homo?
Commander and Twink: <3
Bonk Bro:... <3
Pink Panther: Shiho never believes me when I tell her I’m the 3rd wheel of this group
Bonk Bro: scuse me we’re havin a moment here
Commander and Twink: no no I love ann too
Commander and Twink: Yusuke too
Pink Panther: Where IS Yusuke???
Commander and Twink: in my room, we’re working on a painting
Commander and Twink: i’m a muse
Bonk Bro: bro... are u wearing clothes rn?
Commander and Twink: ( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)
Pink Panther: I’m surprised he’s letting you text
Commander and Twink: distracted him w/ food
Pink Panther: Wait please tell me someone actually added Makoto to the right chat
Bonk Bro: …
Commander and Twink: …
Pink Panther: Who’s the leader again?
Commander and Twink: when my pants come off my brain goes off, i don’t make the rules
Pink Panther: I don’t like that your pants are off in the first place
Commander and Twink: all part of my 10 point plan to seduce Yusuke
Bonk Bro: step 10 better be become paint
Commander and Twink: step 10 is the birth of our artsy thief children
Bonk Bro: those would be some next level kids
Tasteful Nudes: Our children would be the ideal combination of aesthetics and skill. Naturally, they would be able to receive these things from Akira alone
Commander and Twink: asnkjwehbclwvieuqgwdosa8yt
Bonk Bro: dude u know he can’t take compliments, u broke him
Tasteful Nudes: He is not broken, simply very red in the face. I believe it shall only improve my finished piece
Pink Panther: I am the one brain cell of this group
Totally NOT the Phantom Thieves [01/07/20XX]
16:58
*Panther added Makoto Niijima to Totally NOT the Phantom Thieves*
Panther: Take 2! Sorry about that Niijima-san, this is our official meeting chat!
Makoto: That’s no problem and please, you can all just call me Makoto. I’d very much like for us all to be friends since it seems we’ll be working together from now on.
*Makoto Niijima changed their name to Queen *
Queen: I believe this fits better, yes?
Panther: Yeah welcome aboard!! It’s a relief to have another girl honestly <3
Joker: i have record of your 2am thirst texts you’re barely better than me @Ann_Takamaki
Panther: This isn’t fair, I can’t beat you in the shame game, you have no shame
Joker: It’s what makes me a great leader
Queen: It is?
Makoto Niijima [01/07/20XX]
17:01
Makoto: Akira, I’m truly thankful for everything you and the team have done for me thus far. I know I made life difficult for you all and I deeply regret my distrust of you. I understand if it takes you all some time to come around to the idea of trusting me, and just the fact that you allow me on even the official group chat makes me very happy. I’ve also been enjoying the time you’ve spent with me, helping me get better at interacting with other students and I don’t want to appear ungrateful.
Akira: Makoto would you like to be on the meme chat too?
Makoto: …
Makoto: Yes please
Crime Squad [01/07/20XX]
17:06
*Commander and Twink added Makoto Niijima to Crime Squad*
Commander and Twink: for real this time, welcome to the meme team
Bonk Bro: hell yeah! sorry for removing u, just didn’t think youd want a bunch of juniors spamming your phone
Makoto: I’m actually very excited! I’ve had lots of fun with you all so far.
Pink Panther: Oh we should totally hang out some time Makoto! None of the boys are good shopping partners
Bonk Bro: hey!
Commander and Twink: hey!
Tasteful Nudes: I’m offended!
Pink Panther: Ryuji complained the whole time, Akira looked better in everything than I did and Yusuke spent all of his money on a sequin scarf and 90% of our trip talking about it
Commander and Twink: petition for Yusuke to incorporate the sparkly scarf into his metaverse outfit
Tasteful Nudes: <3
Makoto: I’m not sure I would be much of a shopping partner but I would like to try! Maybe we could go for something sweet afterward?
Pink Panther: Yes!! <3 <3
Pink Panther: It’s probably about time we had some control on this chat anyway
Commander and Twink: nawh control is for the other chat
Bonk Bro: we spent 20 mins on there yesterday helping u pick out cat boots for mona
Pink Panther: You made the chat so Ryuji and I could peer review your thirsty texts to Mishima
Commander and Twink: THE REAL TASK HERE is to bring Makoto down to our level, not for us to rise up to hers. Life and secret criminal superhero activity balance is important
Makoto: Akira has actually been helping me understand my fellow students better, it occurred to me that I’ve been rather...consumed by my studies lately.
Bonk Bro: good place to start would be your chat name
Makoto: Ah yes!
Makoto Niijima [01/07/20XX]
17:12
Makoto: Um, Akira I
Akira: want help??
Makoto: I may not be quite ready for this yet
Akira: got you covered
Makoto: Thank you!
Makoto: Oh, um
Makoto: <3
Akira: !!!
Akira: <3
Crime Squad [01/07/20XX]
17:15
Tasteful Nudes: And I hope now you can appreciate the full artistic value of Akira’s thighs
Pink Panther: Why are we here
Bonk Bro: just to suffer
*Commander and Twink changed Makoto Niijima’s name to Biker Babe*
Commander and Twink: what’d we miss???
Tasteful Nudes: Well
Bonk Bro: NOTHIN
Pink Panther: Nothing!!! Don’t scroll up Makoto
Biker Babe: I’ll take your word for it…
Commander and Twink: now that the first priority of dumb shit is dealt with, time for business
Totally NOT the Phantom Thieves [01/07/20XX]
17:27
Joker: Right, we have Queen on board now and Kaneshiro has officially been dealt with. We’re back to the usual routine of waiting for the change of heart, we appreciate this might be nerve-wracking for you Makoto but trust us and we’ll get through this together! Otherwise, we’ve got final exams to contend with so there will be a group study session at LeBlanc tomorrow (Yes, Ryuji you too). Last school push before the fireworks festivals guys! Also, Mona wants me to remind you all to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, all hail the cat.
Panther: Did you punctuate and capitalise that just to make it seem more official?
Joker: mona scratches me when i’m dumb in official update texts
Joker: i like my blood in my body
Panther: Oh
Queen: @Akira_Kurusu thank you Akira! If you all say your method works then I trust you, you haven’t steered me wrong yet.
Skull: so what i’m getting is we need to start deciding fireworks festival snacks right away
Joker: don’t selectively read my texts bonk boy, exams
Panther: I really need this study session!! I’ve been so swept up in palace stuff I might’ve let the maths slide…
Joker: well you’re all in luck, i am now officially handing over study leader reigns to Queen
Fox: Long live the Queen!
Panther: Lead us to victory Makoto!!!
Skull: sorry in advance man
Queen: Are you all sure? I know I can be slightly overbearing with studying.
Joker: we’re sure
Joker: we like you the way you are makoto, you being prepared saved our butts more than once in kaneshiro’s palace, and maybe it can even save ryuji’s exam scores
Panther: Yeah!! I’ve always looked up to you in school. I can’t wait to learn about how you do it!
Fox: If what the others have told me is true your leadership shall be much appreciated!
Skull: yeah and unlike akira u probably won’t set mona on me every time i lose focus
Queen: Thank you all!
Queen: I’ll do my best!
Yusuke Kitagawa [01/07/20XX]
23:48
Akira: make it home okay yet?
Yusuke: Yes, we made great progress tonight. I can only thank you for the inspiration of your body my dear friend.
Akira: whenever you need it
Makoto Niijima → Ann Takamaki [02/07/20XX]
10:10
Makoto: Hello Ann, about your invitation, if you would like we could perhaps go shopping this weekend? It might be nice to get our minds off the Kaneshiro case and I’d love your input on some outfits!
Ann: Hi Makoto!!! That would be awesome! I’m so excited, I haven’t had a proper shopping day in so long!!
Makoto: And if you would still like something sweet afterward Akira had an alarming amount of restaurant recommendations.
Ann: Oh Akira has somehow been everywhere and knows everyone, you get used to it
Ann: We could maybe find you some clothes that look a bit more like your metaverse outfit, that edgier look works soooo well for you!!
Makoto: Hm I don’t think I’m quite ready for leather and spikes yet but maybe something a bit more form-fitting would be nice.
Ann: You got it!!!
Makoto: I look forward to it, I’ll see you tomorrow at LeBlanc.
Ann: :)
Sojiro Sakura [02/07/20XX]
23:27
Akira: So you know that saying about how it’s better to ask for forgiveness than for permission? How strongly would you say you ascribe to that?
Sojiro: You’re growing on me kid but don’t push it
Akira: Would it be okay to maybe hypothetically possibly have some people round tomorrow, just for studying??
Sojiro: Kid, have you already invited these people?
Akira: Maybe?? One of them is the student council president though, she’s helping us study!
Sojiro: You don’t have to convince me of your character. All your friends have been model guests and don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been cleaning the floor every other night. Clean up after yourselves and ask me first next time, I’ll leave some curry in the pot for you all.
Akira: ok
Sojiro: Are you crying again?
Akira: no
Akira: maybe
Akira: yes
Sojiro: Those parents of yours have a Hell of a lot to answer for, go to bed kid
Akira: don’t worry my cat already told me
Sojiro: What?
Akira: nothing! Thank you Sojiro.
Crime Squad [03/07/20XX]
19:04
Biker Babe: Good work today everyone!
Bonk Bro: my brain hurts
Bonk Bro: and also all the places mona bit me
Commander and Twink: he’s got a taste for blood now
Bonk Bro: we all knew it was coming
Commander and Twink: naughty phantom thieves get fed to the cat cryptid
Pink Panther: Calling Ryuji a naughty boy on main?
Bonk Bro: ffs why do we always end up back at horny akira
Commander and Twink: that wasn’t even me!! ann brought all the horny this time!
Bonk Bro: send her to the horny jail
Pink Panther: The horny jail is just my dms with Akira and we all know it
Commander and Twink: one day we’ll collect another horny and we can have a proper horny jail, for now, we can only be patient
Pink Panther: And Yusuke started so promisingly
Tasteful Nudes: Presently, I am only ‘horny’ for artistic pursuits but I shall be sure to let you know should that change!
Commander and Twink: thank you yusuke!
Pink Panther: One of us!!
Biker Babe: Do you not have a boyfriend Ann? Everyone in school is talking about it.
Bonk Bro: nawh they all think she’s bonkin akira
Biker Babe: Ah yes that would be an...odd match.
Commander and Twink: i don’t have the tits for it anyway
Pink Panther: You do have the legs tho
Tasteful Nudes: The majesty of you both combined would surely be too much for me regardless!
Biker Babe: Oh!
Pink Panther: HAHAH I’m just now remembering that Makoto didn’t know I’m very gay
Pink Panther: Um is that, I mean
Biker Babe: If anything I’m relieved Ann! I myself am bi and I’m so grateful you feel you can be yourself around me! <3
Pink Panther: <3 <3 <3
Commander and Twink: the bi squad got another one lads!
Biker Babe: You too Akira?
Commander and Twink: Yusuke too!
Tasteful Nudes: Love knows no constraints as paltry as gender
Biker Babe: I’m so glad I found all of you
Biker Babe: Even if you do have a collective blindspot for advanced calculus
Bonk Bro: gr8 now my headache’s back
Totally NOT the Phantom Thieves [09/07/20XX]
18:54
Queen: We...we did it. Kaneshiro confessed! We actually did it!
Skull: hell yeah!!!
Joker: c’mon Ryuji y’know you want to
Panther: Do it
Fox: Do it
Joker: Do it
Queen: Do it
Joker: officially queen endorsed!!!
Skull: ok
Skull: FUCK YEAH!!!
Queen: Fuck yeah!
Joker: this is the greatest day of my life
Joker: marking it on my calendar
Fox: Will we be celebrating yet another victory?
Panther: Totally! And I know for a fact Makoto has a perfect new outfit for it ;)
Queen: While I won’t look quite as stunning as Ann, I am excited to show you all some new styles I’m trying!
Fox: Delightful!
Joker: i’m busy tonight but catch me any other time and its a date
Skull: what do u even do on all these nights man
Hifumi Togo [09/07/20XX]
19:00
Akira: life has been exhilarating lately! I’m ready to put up a fight worthy of such a high-class warrior
Hifumi: Those are brave words Akira-san. I hope you are prepared to fight with the entirety of your soul. That is truly the only way you can hope to prevail!
Akira: 9pm?
Hifumi: The time is set.
Iwai Munehisa [09/07/20XX]
19:06
Iwai: Work?
Akira: busy
Iwai: Tomorrow?
Akira: yes
Iwai: Good lad
Totally NOT the Phantom Thieves [09/07/20XX]
19:08
Joker: oh y’know, stuff
Skull: weirdo
Queen: Nothing unsavory I hope?
Joker: we legit just got done with a 2 week breaking the law project Makoto
Queen: You’ve got me there.
Crime Squad [11/07/20XX]
17:42
Commander and Twink: GUYS I CAN DO THE SPLITS NOW!!
Pink Panther: You’ve been backflipping for months and you couldn’t do the splits??
Bonk Bro: how tf did u learn all of a sudden
Commander and Twink: Kasumi taught me! I think she broke my legs and i can’t get out of it without falling over yet but i got a new move to assert my dominance today
Biker Babe: I don’t think doing the splits in front of a shadow is a very good idea Akira
Commander and Twink: i was thinking more just everyday life tbh
Commander and Twink: ultimate power move
Commander and Twink: nobody wants to mess with someone that flexy
Commander and Twink: and if i see someone fine i can immediately show them both how bendy i am and how dedicated i am to a strict training regime where Kasumi breaks me for shits and giggles
Commander and Twink: also yes Yusuke i will let you paint me doing the splits
Tasteful Nudes: <3
Pink Panther: Akira!!! Teach me!!
Bonk Bro: r u gonna go do the splits in front of ur crush?
Pink Panther: Hey! Akira is going to do it in front of random hot strangers!
Commander and Twink: wow, i did not deserve this callout post
Commander and Twink: i might do it in front of my crush too
Pink Panther: !!!!!
Ann Takamaki [11/07/20XX]
17:45
Ann: You have a crush and you didn’t come to your fellow horny jail inmate?!
Akira: i’m sorry!!!! Can we talk about this later? It's kinda a lot??
Ann: of course!!! And you know you don’t have to tell me? Whatever makes you comfortable makes me happy <3
Akira: i cherish you.
Akira: talk later, just got a text from Makoto
Ann: huh, me too
Crime Squad [11/07/20XX]
17:49
Biker Babe: And if you would all check your DMs you will see that I’ve sent through a quick list of all the ways I think we could actually use Akira’s new skill in combat! These will all need testing in Mementos of course!
Biker Babe: @Akira_Kurusu, you will also find I have included a list of people at our school who I know for a fact would find your skill...captivating.
Commander and Twink: you sure you don’t want to be the leader?
Pink Panther: Akira!!!
Ann Takamaki [12/07/20XX]
2:02
Ann: Akira!!!!
Ann: Akira!!!!
Ann: A
Ann: K
Ann: I
Ann: R
Ann: A
Akira: ann?? Its two am
Akira: shiho sent u a cute selfie didn’t she
Ann: Akira she’s fucking perfect
Ann: she’s so strong despite everything she’s been through and she’s living her life for her and nobody else despite all that shitbag Kamoshida did. Her physical therapy has been rough on her but she sent me a selfie after doing the full lap of her garden she’s been working up to and her smile could power me for the next few decades and i didn’t know how to reply so i just sent a heart and she sent one back, what does that mean?????
Ann: God she’s gorgeous.
Ann: I watched a couple of hours of youtube tutorials to learn some pretty braids for her hair so she can keep it off her face during her physical therapy.
Ann: I hope they make her smile
Akira: this is fucking adorable and i’m genuinely glad you woke me
Akira: just ask her outtttttt
Akira: pls it would boost morale for the whole country
Ann: You going to go ‘just ask out’ your crush?
Akira: RUDE!
Ann: Soooooooooooooo
Ann: You feeling like you might want to tell me about them now?
Akira: *him
Ann: !!!!
Akira: I dunno Ann it’s just, this one is different. I mean usually, I just lay out my kinks to you and we establish I mostly like them cus they’re strong and look like they might be willing to choke me but this is… I don’t even really understand. He kind of annoyed me but every time I talk to him he becomes more himself and he’s scathing and he keeps up with me and he never forgets I’m clever even when the disaster gay takes over and I spend 30 minutes fighting with Mona over curry in front of him and then spill the curry all over myself and him. He smiles at me differently to how he smiles at everyone else and it makes me feel like I'm in the metaverse where I’m just powerful even if I’m scared and I’m smiling to myself even now and Mona thinks I’m crazy.
Akira: also yeah I think he might wanna choke me
Ann: Akira…
Ann: omg
Goro Akechi [12/07/20XX]
10:00
Goro: Do you happen to be free today to continue that debate we began yesterday?
Akira: yeah, i can maybe make some time