Chapter Text
He's out of prison and has been for a while. He remembers the day Techno came back for him, Phil right behind, carrying him back to their cabin in the tundra. He has been trying to recover since then. He's healing physically, slowly but surely, but menatally is another topic. He wakes up after horrible nightmares of the prison and his torturer, he panicks when he sees obsidian, he flinches when he hears the clank of metall- It's been a few months since the escape and he hadn't gotten much better.
It's late in the evening when Dream sits on his bed and staring down the wall opposite to him. It's white. That he can tell. It's only when he hears a knock on the front door of the house that he comes back to reality. Weird. Both, Phil and Techno are in the cabin, why is someone knocking on the door? What if it was Quackity and Sam? They are coming to get him, to throw him back to the place he belongs to. No- he can't! He can't go back there. He will die. He will die. He will die.
"Tommy. If you don't leave right now, I'll kill you." He hears the muffled voice of the piglin downstairs. Wait. Tommy? Techno said Tommy. Tommy. It's always Tommy. Why is Tommy here? It makes no sense. Nothing does. He keeps listening.
"Wait, Techno! I swear, I'm not here to, like, hurt you or something. I-" A pause. "I- I actually came to apologize." Huh? Tommy and apologizing? Is this real?
"What makes you think I'll believe anything you say?" A sigh of relief leaves Dream's mouth.
"I don't know...? Whatever, I- I'm sorry, Technoblade. I'm geniunely sorry for everything I've done to you. I- I finally had some time to actually think about what I've done and I've come to realize that I really hurt you. I betrayed you and I- I just want to apologize for that. It's late and what I've done can't be undone but... maybe we can... reconcile?" Dream feels his heart drop. "I just- I just really miss you, no, miss us being family. You, Phil, Ghostbur and me, can't we try again?"
It is silent for a few second. Or minutes? Dream can't tell. But this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach churns and makes him want to throw up so bad. He- There's no way that Techno will accept that, right? He can't do this. This is not fair. Not fair, not fair, notfairnotfairnotfair-
"Can I stay the night?"
"I'll make an exception for today."
"Pfft, just say that you missed me, too."
"Shut up."
Oh. So it's this easy. It's this easy to reconcile with someone? It's this easy to earn someone's forgiveness? So why won't people forgive him when he begs and pleads? Not fair. Why was he tortured while everyone learned to move on? Not fair. Why doesn't he deserve peace and affection? Not fair.
He wants to throw up. Tears flow down his cheeks. His vision is blurry. It's getting hard to breathe. Tommy is in the same building as him. Tommy. Tommytommytommy. It's always Tommy. Why is it always Tommy? He doesn't notice the way his hands grip onto his hair aggresively. He can feel the pull and the burn on his scalp. It hurts so bad but it's so, so necessary. He feels like drowning. He can't do this.
"Dream?" A voice. Help. "Can I touch you?" He nods shakily. He used to avoid touch at all cost. It scared him. But now he craves nothing more than hugs and a little comfort. He clings onto some piece of clothing when he feels strong arms wrap around him. There are also soft feathers touching parts where the arms can’t reach. And between his panic, he realizes that this was Phil who urges him to breath with him.
He tries to follow. Breath in. Hold it. Breath out. And repeat. He can do this. The heartbeat of the avian keeps him grounded. It’s only minutes later that he is finally able to speak.
“T-Tommy. He’s here. He- He will do something. I-”
“Shh, calm down, mate.” Phil whispers and Dream tries, but be can’t because it’s so hard to breathe when he is in the same house as him. “He- Techno needs this, Dream.” What? Why? Why does Techno need Tommy? He doesn’t understand.
“I don’t know if you know but... Techno still cares deeply about that kid. He was really hurt after Tommy betrayed him and now, that Tommy came here all by himself to apologize, he can find closure. This is part of Techno’s recovery.” Right. Of course. Dream isn’t the only person who’s gotten hurt. How could he think that? He’s so selfish. An idiot. But why must it always be Tommy? Why? Why?!
Stop. You can’t like think this, Dream. You’re selfish.
He doesn’t respond, instead he forces himself to shut his eyes closed. All he wants to do is sleep.
☀︎
He wakes up in the middle of the night. The room is dark and Phil is nowhere to be seen. The things that happened a few hours ago are real. He knows it. He knows it because he can feel Tommy’s presence in the cabin. It scares him.
He should have expected this. It’s always Tommy and it will always be. Everyone will leave him for a child that is brighter than him. Someone who is so much more important. Techno was no exception. It was only a matter of time. He sits up and then gets out of bed. His body is weak but at least he can stand by himself, so he slowly walks towards the door, opening it before he steps foot into the hallway. He will leave. He can’t stay here. Techno will definitely tell him to leave once he realizes that Tommy’s far better than him.
It hurts. It hurts and stings and burns and it’s too much. It’s too much to know that the mutual bond you shared with someone isn’t worth as much as you thought it was. It hurts to think that the place you desperately wanted to call home, is stripped and taken away from you. It’s not fair.
He walks down the stairs, reaches the end of the staircase and then it’s only one door separating him from the outside world. He turns the knob with shaky hands and then it’s open. He can leave now. So he does. He walks and walks and walks in the cold of the tundra. His feet are freezing but he doesn’t stop. The wind is howling and the snow is falling, making it much harder to see anything. He wants to go back. He wants to return to the warmth of the cozy cabin but he knows he can’t.
When he finally reaches the nearby forest, he trips and falls face-first onto the snowy ground. He turns his head to the side to breath but other than that, he makes no effort to stand up. It’s so cold. It’s so cold to the point that the snow touching his skin is burning him. It hurts but he doesn’t move. Tears well up in his eyes. They freeze the second they touch his skin.
He just wanted a home. A family. A little affection. At the end, he got none. Techno? Phil? Why? Why can’t he be happy?
He calms down when his body suddenly feels all warm and fuzzy. Weird. This is weird. This feels nice.
Oh.
He realizes. He’s going to die. And for once in his life, he isn’t scared. He didn’t know Death feels this nice, this peaceful. This... this is okay. He’s okay with this. He will finally leave and everyone will be okay. He deserves it. He will leave and no one will care.
The tears come back.
No one cares when Death’s hands are reaching out for him.
He closes his eyes. It’s okay. It’s not like he deserves care and forgiveness anyway. Maybe Death has always been the only ending for a monster like him.
“Dream?!”