Chapter Text
The car ride was eerily silent.
San had picked up Wooyoung from the dance studio in his matte black Lexus. A recent gift from his father for his recent promotion in the family business. He thought he would never get used to his best friend’s lifestyle.
Wooyoung had come from a very standard middle-class family. It wasn’t that his family was poor, but they weren’t well off either. Wooyoung had to learn how to work hard for things he wanted in life, and at the age of 24 he now lived in his own, rather tiny, apartment living paycheck to paycheck as a dance instructor. Sure, it didn’t bring in the best amount of money, but he was living the life he wanted. Ever since he was a child he had a special passion for dance and now that he had finally graduated from his dance school he was ready to share his gift with the world.
San on the other hand came from a very different upbringing.
Unlike Wooyoung, San was handed everything growing up. The Choi Family owned a very prominent law firm in Seoul and San was currently in line to inherit the company and take over as CEO once his father decided to step down. Wooyoung knew all about the perks that came with being the son of a very well off and very well-known law firm CEO (Case and point said matte black Lexus).
Luckily for him, his best friend never acted as the stereotypical snobby rich kid. While growing up together San always made sure to include Wooyoung in his life. He would bring him on their family vacations around the world, or share in his newest gaming consoles and the latest trends that he was able to afford.
Wooyoung practically lived at the Choi Mansion. He had a great relationship with the entire family. Even though San’s parents were strict, especially his father, they were also very loving and encouraged their blossoming friendship.
As young children, the two had been remarkably close. Innocent touches were constantly being exchanged. They would hug and hold hands, Wooyoung would enjoy jumping on San's back and riding him through the yard. The two would spend hours rough housing and laughing till their lungs ached for air and their bellies became sore. Whenever Wooyoung would stay at the mansion for the night, regardless of the many vacant rooms he could have chosen, Wooyoung would sleep in San’s bed. The pair would stay up all night talking about everything and anything all at once.
When they had grown into teenagers, things between San and his parents seemed to change. On one rainy day in Seoul, according to San, his father had expressed his distaste towards the two of them still sharing a bed when Wooyoung would stay over. He was questioning why the two of them had felt the constant need to always be in physical contact with each other. When San had tried to explain that him and Wooyoung simply shared a special bond that he could not begin to explain, his father made it clear that any kinds of homosexuality would not be allowed under his roof. He reminded him to think long and hard about his future as CEO of the company. His father would not allow him to be seen with another man. It would paint a bad image for the company.
Of course, it bothered Wooyoung to be causing issues within the family (he was sensitive, okay?), but San had encouraged him to stay. He had told Wooyoung that he would rather be kicked out and live on the streets than to lose the friendship he had with him. Plus, they found it was easy to avoid San's parents in the large Mansion. If they happened to be in the same room, they would make sure to keep their distance. As the evenings ended, they would say goodnight and part ways to their separate rooms just for a few moments to pass before Wooyoung was sneaking into San's room once his parents were asleep to the warm embrace of his best friend. Holding each other as they fell asleep once more in San's bed.
Honestly speaking, Wooyoung was not sure what his father was so worried about. Sure, the two of them were close (closer than most male best friends tended to be) but San was the furthest thing from gay. He always had a girlfriend or an interest in females throughout high school and college. The times he would be single would be rather rare and even when he was, he would have endless stories to share with Wooyoung about his latest one night stand when they would meet up at café's during their breaks.
Now as adults, Wooyoung did not have much of a relationship with the Choi family, but it did not bother him. He was now openly gay and extremely comfortable with his sexuality. He did not need the negativity from San's parents to try and drag him down. At the end of the day he still had his closest friend by his side and that was all that mattered to him.
The two of them were currently driving to the nightclub Aurora. They had made plans to meet up with their friends and enjoy the start of their weekend. The 8 of them liked to indulge in the nightlife and you could always count on seeing them at the club each weekend.
Everything was going as it normally did. Wooyoung spent the day teaching at the studio while San worked a normal shift at the law firm. But now Wooyoung could sense that things were different tonight. San had barley murmured a word to him since he got in the car. Usually, San would be blasting the latest BTS album for Wooyoung (He was in the Bangtan Sonyeondan shit for life) and singing his lungs out. A happy smile that would make his cat eyes form into tiny little crescents with dimples on full display (not like Wooyoung memorized his smile or anything).
As Wooyoung was looking at him now in the moment, he realized San’s hands seemed to be gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter than normal. The radio was currently set to a random station, and it was clear to see that there was no focus behind his dark brown eyes.
San’s black hair was slicked back, a few loose strands falling forward on his forehead. His hair style enhanced the sharp features of his face. He had thrown his suit jacket in the back seat and was sporting his white button-down shirt, the sleeves pushed up to reveal his toned forearms (San's signature). His black tie hung loosely around his neck. His shiny black shoes shining once every few seconds in a passing glow like a star shooting across the galaxy from the florescent lights of the city as they passed it by.
“Sannie, is everything okay?” Wooyoung asked as he placed his hand on the others thigh.
San flinched.
What the fuck?
In all their time together as friends, San had never flinched or shied away from Wooyoung’s touches. Okay, now he just knew something was up.
He took his hand away as if he had been burned.
“Yea. Sorry Young-ah, I just had a really hard day at work is all. Must have gotten lost in my thoughts there.” San glanced in his direction. A smile that looked rather painful covering his face. It lasted three seconds before he returned his attention back to the road. Smile instantly falling from his eyes.
If there was anything Wooyoung knew about his best friend (and he sure knew a lot), it was that San would talk to Wooyoung about anything that was on his mind. He figured it must have been something he would not be able to comprehend related to work, or something not worth talking about like San said. He decided not to push the issue any further.
“Okay, well listen, we don’t have to meet the others if you aren’t feeling up to it. You can drop me back at my place and then just go hom-“
“Young-ah, I said I’m fine. Please. I need this tonight, okay?” San was not looking at him still. The tone of his voice made something stir uncomfortably in Wooyoung’s stomach. He figured it was better to simply ignore it than focus on it. Out of sight out of mind, right?
“Yea whatever you want. Just know if you need to talk, I’m always here, okay?”
“Mnn.” San said nothing more. Wooyoung turned his attention to his window. Watching the shops and tall buildings pass him by. He hoped San would feel better once they met up with the others.
~
Aurora was jam packed with bodies moving to the pounding bass of the speakers like puppets on a string. Their bodies all flowing together, creating a rippling wave across the dance floor. Each person covered not only in their own but in the sweat of strangers as well.
The fluorescent lights were switching from shades of blues and pinks to purple with each beat of the song. The strobes blurring the movements of the people dancing, creating an intoxicating feeling of being high on the music.
Wooyoung loved this atmosphere. Craved the good vibes that flowed like a virus inside these four walls. He had a cup of whatever drink Yeosang had ordered for him once he arrived in hand and was now on the dance floor losing himself to the moment. Yeosang of course had followed him, he was always up to dance.
The two had been dancing for a while now. Mingi and Yunho had joined them at first but now they were nowhere to be found. The recent love birds had most likely run off to find a nice bathroom stall to play in.
Wooyoung’s ear drums were thrumming with each pound of the bass as tiny currents of vibrations flowed along his sweaty skin. His eyes closed to allow his other senses to take over, so he could really lose himself to the sins of the nightlife. He loved the scent of lust, different flavored vapor and various alcohol smells that assaulted his nose. There was something so freeing about being able to let go of all his worries and his life’s stress with strangers who would dare not judge him here. They were all here searching for the ecstasy that came from the atmosphere.
He opened his eyes when he felt Yeosang’s strong muscular arms encircling around his waist as they moved their hips together. Wooyoung let out a laugh as he entertained his friend by wrapping his arms around his neck. Pushing their foreheads together as the two moved in time with one another, grinding their bodies to the song.
The two of them loved to put on a show. Dancing together and never allowing others to touch them, but craving the eyes that would shoot in their direction. They knew they were hot, and they knew that they looked amazing together. Who could blame the poor souls who thought they stood a chance at joining in their fun.
“So what’s up with San?” Yeosang asks as he breaks away from Wooyoung to spin him before bringing him back into his arms, now grinding his crotch against Wooyoung’s ass.
With his back now to his best friend, he could make out San sitting at their table with Seonghwa and Hongjoong. The two lovers were engrossed in each other, Hwa practically sitting on the smaller man’s lap. They were having some kind of conversation, most likely struggling to hear each other over the music that was blasting in the space. San was sitting a bit away from the two. Head facing down in his drink, he appeared to be lost in thought.
Wooyoung frowned, resting his head against Yeosang’s shoulder so his mouth was near his ear. He had really hoped that San would be back to his normal self once they had met up with the others and were inside the club letting loose, searching for his next hook up like a cat hunting a mouse but that was not the case. He had gotte a drink from the bar and sat down at the table and since then had not moved.
“He claims to have had a long day at work. But I’m not sure, it seems like something more than that.”
He felt Yeosang pinch his bicep as their hips continued to grind together.
“Well maybe you should go figure it out.” He chided. Wooyoung groaned pushing himself off of the other.
“And what makes you think he’ll tell me? For your information Sangie I already asked him in the car and he shut me out.” He took a sip of his drink. The alcohol created a pleasant burn as it traveled down his throat to his stomach. Yeosang raised an eyebrow at him.
“You’re kidding right? Geez you can be really dense sometimes Woo.” He sucked his teeth as he shook his head.
“You are the only one San would ever talk to if there is something seriously wrong. Don’t let him sulk in silence all night. Go do something about it.” Yeosang raised his hand and made a shooing motion at him.
God why did he allow this annoying human to be his best friend?
“So, I’m just supposed to leave you here alone then?” He crossed his arms, trying to look annoyed when he knew his best friend was right.
San would always talk to Wooyoung whenever he was having trouble at work. He needed to get to the bottom of it and okay maybe Wooyoung was nervous to ask. He knew this had to be something deeper by the way he was acting. The uncomfortable feeling came back in his stomach. It was never a good sign when he got these strange feelings, his intuition was usually correct.
He could always ask San once they left and the two were alone. It’d be much easier to talk in private but that was besides the point. He couldn’t just leave his best friend alone on the dance floor. What if some random creep came up and tried to dance with him?
“Here's your drink baby.”
Of. Fucking. Course.
Jongho had shown up just as Wooyoung was going to express his thoughts on leaving to the other aloud. Leave it to the perfect maknae to arrive like a knight in shining armor for his beloved.
Yeosang pecked Jongho on the cheek as he took his drink from him (Wooyoung vomited a bit in his mouth).
“Thank you, my little bear. You came just in time! Wooyoung was about to leave and go talk to San, right Woo?” Yeosang smiled at him, raising an eyebrow in a mocking manner like the little shit he was.
“Ah right, I noticed he seemed a bit off.” Jongho added as he wrapped his arm around Yeosang’s waist pulling him close to his side.
Wooyoung rolled his eyes and spit his tongue out at the two of them (Fine, be that way). He had more important business to attend to.
“Yea whatever. I don’t wanna third wheel you guys anyway. I’m going.” And with that he made his way back to their table. Weaving himself in between bodies, careful not to run into anyone or trip in the process.
As he approached the table Hongjoong looked up at him, his eyes brightening as he nudged his head towards San at the opposite end of the table.
Am I his keeper or something? Why didn’t they try and talk to him? Ugh.
“Ah Wooyoung, all done with dancing already?” Seonghwa asked. His pink hair styled in tiny curls, tiny pink hearts painted on his cheeks. (He looked like strawberry milk).
“I think I’ve been at it a bit too long. Plus I taught class before this so my body needs a bit of a break.” As he gets up to the table, he steals a glance at San who has not seemed to even notice his arrival. Eyebrows furrowing together in worry.
At catching the way Wooyoung was now staring at San, Seonghwa decided to take the moment to excuse the two of them from the situation.
“Why don’t we go get ourselves something else to drink my love?” Seonghwa asks Hongjoong. The smaller blue haired man nods enthusiastically as he starts to get up from his seat (real smooth Joongie).
Hongjoong makes eye contact with him. His face practically yelling "figure it the fuck out" to Wooyoung.
“We’ll be back soon, you two have fun.” Hongjoong helps Seonghwa out of the booth and the two of them disappear deeper into the club.
Wooyoung sits down in the vacant spot across from San. He takes a big swig of his almost empty drink and looks at San. Really looks at him.
There are dark circles underneath his eyes, how had he not noticed those earlier in the car. San’s jaw is clenched tightly, his eyebrows furrowed in an almost painful expression. His knuckles white from the strength of his hand grasping his current drink.
There are quite a few empty bottles in front of him. Wooyoung is sure they belong to his friends, San would never overindulge when he had driven them to the club. Still, he takes a stab at a conversation starter to break the ice.
“Can’t leave you for a few hours without you getting yourself drunk huh? How many have you had San?” Wooyoung scolds. There isn’t any bite to his words.
His voice seems to awaken San from his trance. The larger man looks up from his drink in confusion. His eyes scanning the table of all the empty bottles as if it’s his first time seeing them.
“Huh? Oh! No no, I’m not drunk. Only had one so far thank you very much.” San explains lifting his drink up in a Great Gatsby fashion and taking a swig. Once he removes the glass from his mouth Wooyoung sees it.
It's there again, that forced smile Wooyoung had previously seen in the car ride to the club. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes. It only stays on for a split second before it falls again. It’s so unlike his friend. He wants to scream at him to tell him what's wrong, but he keeps it inside.
“Hey Sannie. You good?”
Wooyoung reaches out his hand to touch San's forearm that is splayed along the table. Before he can touch him San has shifted his position purposely to an upright position so his arm is no longer in reach. His stomach drops into his asshole again. He feels like he has been punched in the gut when San pulls away from him. He never pulls away from him. Now Wooyoung is really worried. He fights back the bile he feels threatening to come up his throat.
This isn’t right.
“Don’t you worry about me Young-ah. Go and have fun. I want you to have a good time tonight.” San is no longer looking at him. Gaze searching around the club, literally anywhere but him.
Wrong. Something is wrong.
“I need to take a break anyways, I’ll sit here a bit with you.” Wooyoung sits back in the booth trying to shake off the dreadful feeling, hands cupping his empty drink. He doesn’t feel like drinking much anymore.
“San, please, are you sure everything is okay? Did something bad happen at work? Did your father do somet-”
“No!” San snaps suddenly. Eyes now baring into Wooyoung’s. It makes him want to curl up in a ball and die. San quickly softens his eyes as he clears his throat.
“I told you Young-ah, I’m fine. Just having a long day is all.“ That was it, Wooyoung was tired of hearing the same old excuse.
“Cut the bullshit San, I'm your best friend! You think I cannot tell when there is clearly something wrong with you?” He barks back. If San wanted to get angry with him so be it. Wooyoung could play that game if it meant getting an actual response out of him.
San opens his mouth to answer but before he can get a word out there is a figure running up and slamming into his side.
“WHATS UP LOSERS?!” Mingi screams, clearly drunk off his rocker.
“We’ve been looking for you two all over.” Yunho chimes in as he slides in next to Wooyoung, forcing him to get closer to San.
“Well you couldn’t have looked too hard. San’s been sitting here the whole time. I only just got back to the table.” Wooyoung explains rolling his eyes.
He loves his friends (really he does) but their timing has been anything but brilliant tonight.
Mingi sits on the opposite side of San, drink in hand.
“Ya, Choi San! Why the fuck aren’t you drinking? Stop being lame man!” Mingi exclaims as he passes San a new drink (Where the fuck did that even come from?).
San chuckles and takes the drink from him. Well at least he’s laughing.
The four of them end up sitting together at the table for another hour or so. They talk about their week and play stupid games like never have I ever, his three friends drinking away. Eventually the four others arrive back at the table and join in on the fun. Everything seems to be back to normal but Wooyoung can’t shake the gut feeling that something is wrong. Guess he’ll just have to wait until later to talk. He forces himself to laugh and play along but really, he can’t keep his eyes off San.
After what feels like forever, the two of them finally end up alone at the table once more.
Unexpectedly, San ends up drunk (which is weird because he never drinks too much when they party). The rest of their friends are scattered, ruined or going back home. Wooyoung looks at him as if they haven't seen each other for months.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to keep playing guessing games?" San's unsteady expression doesn't help to calm his nerves.
"I'll be pissed off if you keep quiet. In the last seven years you've held my hair so I wouldn't throw up in it more times than I can remember. Not to mention that I always hear you fart through the phone. So whatever it is, spit it out. What the fuck is going on, San-ah?"
He sees the other smile bitterly. Wooyoung takes San's drink away before he can empty it.
"I'm getting married in two weeks."
Time seems to stop. Did Wooyoung just hear him correctly? No, he couldn’t have. San’s just joking with him now, he’s drunk afterall.
“Fuck off San, seriously just tell me, I'm getting pissed off now.”
“Woo, I’m serious.”
San is looking him the eyes. Wooyoung doesn’t know what to do. His muscles have all locked up. His mouth incapable of producing a sound let alone full words. San lets out a sigh. He sounds so tired.
“Can we just go please? I want to go home.”
All Wooyoung can do is nod. He watches San stumble up from the table reaching into his pocket. He tosses his car keys at him. Wooyoung manages to catch them somehow, but he’s still frozen in place.
San is getting married. Married .
Of all the things he was preparing his brain to hear come out of San’s mouth this certainly was not one of them.
He really hates it when his gut feeling is right.
~
Wooyoung feels a sense of déjà vu in the car ride back to San’s penthouse apartment. The two of them both sitting in silence. The only difference is that Wooyoung is now the one driving with San in the passenger seat. His head is resting against the window facing away from him. He can’t read the emotions on his face this way but it’s probably for the better.
At the moment, Wooyoung is lost inside a one man battle with his racing thoughts. He doesn’t want to believe what San has said to him. There is just no way he could be getting married. If he was, wouldn’t that mean he needed to be engaged first. And if he had gotten engaged, he would certainly have told him, right? He’s his best friend, he would never in a million years hide something this big from him. It’s got to be the alcohol doing the talking. Maybe he just isn’t ready to explain the real reason for his mood tonight (if he keeps repeating this like a mantra in his head, maybe he’ll actually start to believe it).
Once they arrive at the complex Wooyoung parks San’s car in his reserved parking spot in the garage. He allows San to fumble out of the car first (still graceful as fuck even in his intoxicated state the bastard) before he steps out and locks it. He walks to San and hands him the keys.
“I will call myself an uber, make sure you get up okay. And drink water before you sleep, otherwise you are going to feel like shit in the morning.”
He looks at the drunk man before him, San’s face is abnormally blank of any emotion. It’s killing Wooyoung on the inside to see him this way, but as of right now the only thing he wants to do is leave so he can wallow alone in self pity. He sighs and turns to walk away.
Suddenly San is grabbing his arm. Pulling him closer to his body.
“Stay with me.” He slurs.
“San, I don’t think that’s a good idea you need to rest.” He goes to gently pull his arm out of the others grasp but San simply tightens his grip, bringing his other hand to latch onto the other arm in the process.
“Shhhh, it’s fine.” San rubs his arms, a bit harder than he intended. His alcoholic state making him lose the ability to recognize his strength.
“I don’t want to be alone tonight.” He’s pouting now.
Damn him and his pout.
“San-ah, you’ve clearly had a long day. It’s best for you to just go up and sleep. Once you're feeling better we can meet up and talk about-”
“Please, Young-ah.” Wooyoung can hear the real plea in his voice.
Whatever it was that was bothering San was clearly doing a number on him. There were so many red flags thrown Wooyoung’s way tonight to inform him that his best friend was in fact not okay. Regardless of if he really was getting married or not, San needed him. He had to be there for him now, racing thoughts be damned.
“Ok, fine. But I'm going to force you to drink a whole bottle of water before I let you sleep as punishment.”
San whines in response.
Cute .
He let’s go of Wooyoung’s arms only to bring his own wrapping around his waist. Leaning against him they begin to walk together to the elevator. Wooyoung finds his heart beating a bit faster than normal from the touch.
San leans most of his bodyweight on Wooyoung inside the elevator that houses San's luxury apartment. Somehow he manages to fumble with his keys in his hands (while almost knocking Wooyoung over in the process) to hold his card up to the scanner to gain access to his private floor.
It’s only a few seconds before the elevator springs to life and carries them up. Doors opening to reveal the inside of San's place. His décor consists of all blacks with some whites and muted greys. Three large canvases that create a magnificent photo of a mountain sitting above his leather couch across from a large flat screen TV. The apartment is lined in floor to ceiling windows on one side, with a small kitchen fit with a marbled island on the other. The front entrance and rooms of the apartment give off a very sophisticated feel, which always makes Wooyoung chuckle. He knows it’s just a show to keep up with appearances for whoever visits from the company or any other individuals that belong in the same corporate world as him.
Wooyoung knows the true colors of his best friend. The various plushies he hides in his room along with his pink gamer setup. He wonders if San's new fiancé is aware of that side of him.
Shaking off the thought of San possibly having a fiancé, he leads San to the island of the kitchen were he helps him sit at one of the black stools. He then makes his way to the cabinets grabbing a glass to fill with water. He can feel San's eyes on his back as he does so.
“Young-ah.” He hears the other say. It’s so quiet that he isn’t sure if San meant to say it outloud.
Wooyoung does not like the seriousness that has taken hold of his tone. He pretends to not hear his name called to avoid addressing the elephant in the room. He is not ready to have that conversation yet. He finishes filling the glass of water in his hand and turns to face his drunk friend.
“Here. Drink this and then I’ll help you get to bed.” He places the drink in front of San, standing on the other side of the island, purposely keeping some distance between himself and the other. He rests his forearms onto the cool surface, enjoying the way the smooth marble feels against his hot skin.
San face scrunches in distaste.
Here we go.
“Do I have too? I’m so tired, just want to sleep.” He’s pouting. Wooyoung isn’t certain if the pout has ever left San’s lips since they arrived back to the apartment (It hasn’t).
“Don’t be difficult and just drink Sannie.”
San crosses his arms and shakes his head.
“No. Don’t wanna.”
Well at least he’s acting somewhat normal again (If you count a 24-year-old acting like a 8-year-old normal).
“The sooner you finish the sooner you can sleep. Now be a good boy for me, hmm?” He coos.
Something flashes across San’s eyes. It’s so fast that Wooyoung cannot be certain what it is. He quickly fixes a playful smile along his face, lips protruding from his face in a pout.
“Only if you promise you’ll stay with me.”
What is he going on about now? Wooyoung raises an eyebrow in question.
“I’m up here aren’t I? I would not have come up if I weren’t going to stay.”
San shakes his head again. He isn’t looking at him anymore. His face now directed down towards his lap, small hands fumbling with the other.
“Not like that.”
“Well then tell me what you mean, I can’t read your mind.”
Wooyoung swears he can see a faint brush of red painting San’s cheeks.
“I-I want you to stay in my bed tonight with me.”
Oh.
Oh.
He is a bit taken back at the request. The two of them haven’t shared a bed in a few years. Wooyoung isn't sure why now of all times San wants him so close. Especially when he just dropped the news that he is getting married.
It’s just unexpected.
Unexpected in the same way Wooyoung’s feelings had one day changed from strictly platonic to something deeper. He’s not sure when it happened really. It was as if the feelings rushed over him without warning. So many years he had tried to tell his head no, not to feel those feelings for San, while his heart was screaming at him to pay attention.
He had tried so hard (really, he had) to not fall in love with his best friend but San made it impossible not to. Loving San was automatic like breathing. It just happened, and without it he would die. He was one of the most caring and selfless people Wooyoung had ever met. He was always there when he needed him and always took care of him. Not to mention his laugh was the prettiest sound his ears had ever heard, his smile blessing his eyes with dimples in his cheeks that painted vibrant colors in his dull life. As much as he tried to ignore it, he could not help but fall for him.
If you asked him, of course he would deny it. Wooyoung was far too stubborn to express his feelings aloud. Doing so would only jeopardize what the two shared. He felt it was much easier to pretend and keep his best friend rather than express himself and lose the one person in his life he cherished more than anything else.
And sure, he knew one day San would have to tie himself down and get married. Wooyoung simply just did not think that day would come so fast, let alone without warning.
So now why after years of not sharing a bed did San insist on doing so?
He must have been standing there staring off into space for a long time because San shifted in his seat clearly uncomfortable clearing his throat gaining his attention once more.
“F-forget it, I was just joking.” He grabs the glass of water and starts to drink it.
Wooyoung stares at him in disbelief.
“I don’t think a man who is set to get married in a few weeks should be sharing a bed with someone other than his fiancé, no?” Wooyoung jokes, trying to diffuse the tension that’s suddenly filling the air.
San flinches at the word fiancé. Choking on the water. He coughs then clears his throat trying to recover quickly.
“I said I was joking Woo, so leave it.” There isn’t any mirth behind the words.
Wooyoung stays quiet, watching as San gulps down the rest of the water in his glass. He figures it is better this way.
“I finished, can I go to sleep now?” San arches an eyebrow as he slides the glass in his direction. Wooyoung snatches it and brings it to the sink.
“Go for it, sleeping beauty.”
San starts to get up from the stool making an awful lot of noise as he does so. Wooyoung turns in time to see him almost lose his balance. He hurries to his side in a matter of seconds to support him.
“Geez Sannie, be careful. Aren’t you supposed to be agile like a cat even when your drunk?” He nudges his shoulder into the others side playfully.
San giggles and hiccups.
“I’m more agile and graceful than you’ll ever be Young-ah.” He teases back.
Wooyoung laughs and helps San to the bedroom.
Once inside the rather large room, (he swears San's bedroom alone is the size of his entire apartment) San is throwing himself onto his bed.
“Ah finally, sweet relief!” he yells, squirming around on the silk sheets.
Wooyoung smiles as he makes his way to the dresser to grab San a pair of sweats for sleeping. Of course Wooyoung knows where everything is, he’s only stolen clothes from the other a few (so many) times before.
“Don’t get too comfortable yet, ya big oaf. Get out of your work clothes and put these on.” He tosses the sweats at San and they land on his face.
San makes a little noise of protest, something along the lines of a squeak of a mouse mixed with a little chirping of a cat when it spots a bird. Still, he does as he’s told.
Wooyoung averts his eyes from the other as he kicks his work shoes off with each foot, the large objects flying somewhere along the floor of the room. Wooyoung hears him fumble with his belt as he starts gathering the throw pillows to place on the bench near the window. By the time he is done and turns to walk back towards the bed, San is now laying belly down with his face buried in a pillow along the silk sheets.
His broad bare back on display for Wooyoung’s eyes to take it. He can see the tiny galaxy of freckles painting San’s neck, one of his favorite parts of the other. His wide muscular shoulders leading down into a small delicate waist. Wooyoung thinks if he could wrap his hands around it his fingers would be able to touch from how narrow it was. It really was unfair how beautiful the man laying before him was.
His eyes continued to travel down to San's hips. The band of his black boxer briefs hugging the boney structure, popping out from under his grey sweats. Wooyoung quickly adverts his gaze, gulping as he scratches the back of his head in shame. San always slept half naked. This was one of the many reasons Wooyoung had avoided staying overnight with the other.
Coming out of his stupor, Wooyoung brings his hand to San's hair and ruffles the black locks.
“Sannie you need to get under the covers silly. Come on let me help you.”
San groans, fists gripping the pillow that is hiding his face harder. He nuzzles his face into the object liking the stimulation of the soft fabric against his skin and the feel of Wooyoung long fingers in his hair.
Wooyoung tsks his teeth and shakes his head. The other man really loved to act like a child whenever they were alone. It made Wooyoung happy that he could see this side of him, that San was comfortable enough to just let go of how he believed the rest of the world was supposed to view him. He allowed Wooyoung to see him in his most vulnerable state.
It was also nice to live in the moment as if the night’s events had not occurred. As if San hadn’t wallowed in depression all night long before dropping a bomb onto Wooyoung with no warning, blowing up his view on life as he knew it.
For now, in this moment, they were allowed to live as if no one else existed, as if they were the only two in the world.
He places his hand on San's shoulder and starts to gently try to push the other over, his other hand grabbing the corner of the covers to start lifting them.
“Help me out here San, you weigh as much as a freaking mountain.” He jokes.
San makes an offended noise, face shooting out from its hiding spot within the folds of the pillow. He turns to look at Wooyoung, mouth a gape in fake shock at his words.
“Ya! I most certainly do not!” He is now moving onto his back, his hands gripping the fabric of Wooyoung's long sleeve shirt. He begins to shake him playfully, as if he were going to fight him for the comment.
Wooyoung lets out a cackling laugh (sounding eerily similar to a tickle me Elmo), as his body is shaken from the force of San's hands on his arms. San is smiling now and for the first time all evening it does not seem forced. His eyes creating little half crescents, lights reflecting in them making tiny stars of Wooyoung's entire galaxy appear. Dimples on full display for him to take in.
“Jung Wooyoung, you take it back right now!” He says in between tiny giggles as he continues to shake him.
“Make me!” He teases back.
Really Wooyoung should have known better than to push further (Damn his bratty behavior).
San's hands on his arms are suddenly pulling him closer. Wooyoung yelps as his body is easily dragged onto the bed. His frame now on top of San's, he starts to tickle him. Wooyoung can’t help the laughter mixed with screams of protest that escape his mouth. Thank heavens San’s apartment was the only one on this floor. He’s sure if he had neighbors, they would be able to hear the embarrassing sounds that left his mouth.
His entire frame is shaking. His arms trying to push away from San, but the other is stronger than him even in his intoxicated state. He finds a way to continue his assault on his body while managing to keep him from escaping.
At some point San has managed to wrap his legs around Wooyoung’s, holding him in place. One arm wrapped around his waist holding him against his chest. He tries to pinch San's arms and cheeks to get away, but it does not deter him in the slightest.
“I said take it back Jung Wooyoung.” San mocks him, his lips close to Wooyoung’s ear making goosebumps along his skin. It’s the final bit of stimulation he needs to finally give in.
“Okay, OKAY! I surrender, I take it back. San please!” He’s laughing uncontrollably.
His words must have been good enough for the other for he finally shows mercy and stops tickling him.
“Thats exactly what I thought.” Wooyoung can hear the smirk in his tone of voice
As Wooyoung comes down from his laughing fit San continues to hold him close. He is suddenly too aware of the contact of the skin on his own. The way it heats his body up in all the places they are touching (which is everywhere at this point). His heart rate picks up at the close proximity. They should not be doing this.
He goes to lift himself off the other but San’s arm around his waist only tightens in protest.
“San?”
“Stay with me.”
Wooyoung can’t lift his head up to look at the other man, his face stuck in the crook of his neck but he doesn’t need to see him in order to hear it. The pain in his voice was so apparent. He was desperately trying to hold onto Wooyoung and keep him with him.
Wooyoung couldn’t fight the way it made his heart drop into his ass. San was hurting and needed him. He had to be strong and push through his own discomfort and pain to be there for him.
“Please Young-ah, just for tonight.”
Wooyoung shuts his eyes tightly. Forcing his own selfish thoughts to disappear. He could be strong for one night, right?
He nods his head that is kept in the crook of San's neck and shoulder. San brings his free hand up to caress his head the other once again tightening it’s hold on his waist. He hugs him like this in thanks.
Wooyoung’s heart flutters at the motion.
“Can I at least get up to change? I don’t really feel like sleeping in these clothes.” San unhooks his legs and reluctantly let's go of his upper body.
“Hurry up, I'm sleepy.”
“Such a big baby you are.” He jokes as he gets up and goes back to the dresser, rummaging through it until he finds what he’s looking for.
He grabs one of San’s oversized white t-shirts. What is big on the other was massive on himself. He loved the feeling of his small frame swimming in the soft fabric smelling of San (Black Opium was an aphrodisiac. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise).
He quickly changes into the tshirt, taking his pants off and staying in his black boxers. He took a deep breath before turning to the other and walking back towards the bed.
San was making grabbie hands at him.
“Come here, Young-ah.”
Wooyoung’s heart did a summersault in his chest. Threatening to pound its way from the inside out. San was looking at him with so much admiration on his face he was almost, almost , able to convince himself that maybe San felt the same way towards him.
Wishful thinking.
He makes sure to make a small smile appear on his face as he gets into the bed next to San. He pulls the covers up encasing them in their warmth. San’s arms quickly find purchase of his skin. Maneuvering his body up against his broad chest so his head rests along his breast. The hand attached to the arm that rests underneath his body makes its way up to his hair, threading his longer strands in between his small fingers.
Wooyoung doesn’t know what to feel as he lays here against San. There is a big part of him that feels so safe and content, wishing that they could stay like this for ever. But the other side is yelling at him, begging to stop being so stubborn and selfish, to push himself away from the other and run while he can. San is about to get married for gods sake. What the hell was he doing laying here in his arms?
They lay there in silence. Wooyoung is sure San has fallen asleep with the way his breathing has evened out in to a steady rhythm. He closes his eyes to try and drift off himself.
“I don’t think I can do it Woo.”
Wooyoung opens his eyes.
The words are uttered so softly Wooyoung isn’t sure if he imagined them or not. His eyebrows furrowed at the other's statement.
“What do you mean Sannie?” He asks, his hand coming up to rest on the slopes of San's abs. It was a wonder how the solid muscles could feel so soft and inviting.
San’s smaller hand finds it’s way on top of his. He intertwines their digits together. How cruel it was that their fingers fit perfectly together like the final pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
“Get married. I don’t think I can go through with it.” San’s hand tightens slightly in his hand.
Wooyoung is confused. He isn’t sure what’s going on. If San didn’t want to get married, then why would he?
What was bothering him most was the fact that he had left him in the dark. No mention of an engagement let alone any love interest in general. How was he supposed to comfort his friend when he felt so betrayed?
“Just sleep now San. You need to rest.” It’s all he can think to say as he’s lying there.
Sure, he wanted to know why, but mostly he wanted to get mad and demand all the answers out of him. Yell at his friend for thinking it was okay to hide such important life details from him. Scream and cry has his fists collide with little fight against San's as he tried to explain how he felt.
But he knew that now was not the time. Even though San seemed to have sobered up a bit, he was still drunk. He would wait to have this conversation in the morning when he was in a more coherent state of mind.
"I just don't want to pretend anymore.” San whispers into the silence of the dark room.
He lets out a sigh, his fingers never stopping their motion of threading through Wooyoung’s hair.
Wooyoung feels terrible.
How can he focus on his own selfish feelings when San is struggling in this moment. So what if he didn’t tell him about an engagement? It was San’s life not his. He needed to remember that no matter what he felt at the end of the day San would never be his to have and to hold.
San never really belonged to him in the first place, he knew this day would come. So why couldn’t he just suck it up?
“I think...I think my heart already belongs to somebody else.”
This is going to break him, he thinks.
Wooyoung swears he can hear the way his heart shatters inside his chest. Breaking apart into tiny pieces with sharp jagged edges that cut along his insides in the process. He suddenly feels too hot against San. He can feel the bile rising in his throat.
“San please, let’s talk about it later. Sleep now.” he pleads. Hoping his voice doesn’t waver aloud and betray the inner turmoil he is facing.
He gently removes himself from San's arms. Moving his body so it’s facing away from the other. He doesn’t think he can stop the tears threatening to fall from his eyes that have started to form.
Who was this person that had already claimed San’s heart and why did it hurt so much more knowing that San was in love with another than him announcing his sudden marriage?
Maybe it was just easier to pretend the marriage was a joke, but a love confession, that was more set-in stone.
He can hear San release a shaky exhale. The man's larger form turned towards him once more. His arms wrapping around Wooyoung’s middle, bringing his back flush against his broad chest.
Wooyoung does not try to fight it. He has lost the strength at this point.
“I’m sorry Young-ah.”
San presses his lips against the crown of his head. Wooyoung wants to scream.
“Don’t apologize San, just go to sleep. It’s way to late to be having this conversation especially when you are still intoxicated.”
San hums in agreement and nuzzles his head against Wooyoung’s.
“Thank you for staying with me.”
Wooyoung stays silent. Staring out the window into the night sky. Watching the way the moonlight paints the room in an ethereal glow.
He stays like this for several moments. Listening to how San’s breathing evens out as he falls asleep, his arms slightly loosening their hold on his middle.
Once he knows the other has finally fallen asleep, he closes his eyes.
“I’ll always stay with you, San.” He says under his breath, barely above a whisper.
The tears finally falling from his eyes.