Chapter Text
A cold thunk echoed in the spacious room. Continuing as Boq repeatedly drove the axe into the thick wood, the fire growing as he fed it the logs. Light danced across his gray uniform, catching on the buttons of his coat. Robotically he finished his task, stiffly turning to his governor to bring her afternoon tea for the day. The air was stagnate, only filled with the smell of burning oak and the governors pungent perfume.
"Thank you," she spoke, her voice soft and warm. A cadence reserved only for him, though now it seemed more taut. The governor pursed her painted lips as he poured her tea, thoughts evidently racing through her mind on what to say to fill the uncomfortable silence. Boq couldn't care less. He continued on with his task and lifted the tray, careful not to spill the contents. He slowly made his way to the twin doors, already craving his next task to keep him occupied, as he's had nothing but small meaningless jobs to pass the time for the past 3 years.
"Boq?" He froze, waiting at her beck and call, like a dog, he thought. "I was thinking we could play cards? You mentioned a couple days ago that you wished for these beautiful playing cards from the city. I wanted to see what they're like for myself, would you like to play?" She smiled.
She smiled.
Like 4 days ago since she forbade him and his people from ever leaving the country, never happened. "Or we could read? I know you've read most of the library at this point and when I heard the author released a second book from the series we enjoyed so much at Shiz, I knew you would want to pick up on it again. You used to like it so much. Do you remember?" She rambled on, voice warm, sincere, and filled with hope. Like it used to be.
"Of course madame governor." he changed course to set aside the tray, pulling a chair to sit across from her, ready to perform.
"I told you to call me Nessa, please no formalities between us Boq. You're my friend," She reached out and placed her manicured hand on his gloved one, rubbing soothing circles on his knuckles, while the other pulled cards out. "We're not like that, you and me. You understand? What we have is special. All the other servants envy what we have Boq. You know that. Right?" She flashed him an almost desperate smile, filled with what she thought was true love.
"Of course madame gove-" He hesitated, feeling the tension in the air blossom at his mistake. "Nessa." He corrected.
It was too late.
The governors expression changed, a hard mask fell on top of her features revealing a grimace. Her grip on the box of cards tightened, "Fine then. Let it be that way," She shoved the cards away, letting the box fall off her desk and spill onto the floor, a puddle of metallic green and gold covered the hard wood planks. "Clean that up. After you are done, you are dismissed Boq, I wish to be alone," She made her way to the fire, watching the logs spit ember and heat. "Keep the cards if you'd like. I have no use for them."
"Nessa-"
"Do not call me that, madame governor works just fine for you."
He did not dare reply again, instead putting his focus on cleaning the cards from the floor; silence filled the air once more, thicker than ever. He managed to compile the cards together swiftly, placing them in the box, when something caught his eye.
Near a coffee table was familiar face, plastered on the discarded news letter; something he hasn't seen present in the mansion in some time since his permanent stay here, he hasn't seen much of the public since he took his spot in the mansion. There on the front page was a picture of Galinda- Glinda, he remembered- she hadn't changed one bit, still smiling with care and perfection, just like he last saw her. She stood with a man, no not just any man, he could recognize those bright blue diamonds from a mile away.
It was Fiyero, he was sure of it.
His hair was grown out, no longer a short lively mop but now neatly combed back, some strands loose enough to artfully frame his face. He held a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, like they were tired. Fiyero's posture was unusually regal, he held Glinda by her waist, but in a way that looked practiced, forced even. He seems so different, what Boq saw was just a husk of the old Fiyero, now filled by the person Fiyero dreaded to become most. He didn't look happy anymore.
He glanced toward his governess, who was fixated on burning letters in the fire he built, watching as seals of wax burned and popped.
Now was his chance.
He quickly snatched the news letter, then pocketed the cards, regained his posture, and quickly made his exit.
The door clicked behind him softly, as his shoulders sagged from their stiff position and his body relaxed with a sigh. Boq popped his joints, freeing them from the tension he was carrying in that suffocating room. Rolling up the newsletter he made his way through the kitchen- snatching a jam biscuit on the way- and continued through to the servants quarters.
Though short, Boq remained the only servant with scheduled breaks, allowing him to have his own alone time in the shared quarters. Some parts of him were grateful for the quiet; he enjoyed moments to himself in comfort. But truthfully it was lonely.
The other servants seemed to avoid Boq like the plague, going quiet when he walked by and giving him long hard stares. It either seemed like they were scared of him or they resented him.
A previous part of him hoped he would have made some friends in the mansion, but even after 3 years of serving there, the only person who he could hold a conversation with was Nessa. And that connection seems to be severing too, lately.
His eyes drifted to the old leather couch in the corner, its brown fabric aged but loved. He sat down, sinking into the cushions as he finally got a good look at the front page of his stolen news letter.
"GLINDA THE GOOD AND CAPTAIN TIGELAAR; SOON TO BE NEWLY-WEDS THIS COMING TUESDAY! INSIGHT ON GLINDA'S FUTURE PLANS ALONGSIDE A SNEAK PEAK AT HER WEDDING GOWN!"
He looked at the bold title as his heart squeezed a little. His brain brought back old memories of his time at Shiz when he got to meet what he thought were going to be his closest friends.
Funnily enough, he never believed that Fiyero and Glinda would stay in a relationship past Shiz, but the proof was in the paper; Fiyero was just so free spirited that the idea of settling down was like a life sentence to him. But Boq guessed that perhaps he didn't really, truly, know them anymore.
They had changed.
And Boq hadn't.
His heart squeezed a little more. He was perpetually stuck playing the role of the boy he was from university, constantly made to replicate the feeling of "the better days" to his governess as she pleased. They had grown, expanded their circle, got to be who they truly wanted to be. And Boq was stuck here, instead of growing alongside them.
Jealously churned slightly in his gut while tears made his vision glossy as he crinkled the paper in his hands.
They didn't even have the nerve to invite their friend to their wedding. Did those years spent together at Shiz really mean nothing? Did he- they- just forget about him? Glinda never even sent him a letter, only brief greetings to Boq through Fiyero's. And eventually, Fiyero stopped writing to him at all, letting Boq waste paper trying to communicate to the equivalent of a wall. Did they even remember him?
But maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe he could leave and connect with them once again, make an excuse to go out. To convince Nessa to take him to Emerald City so they can attend the wedding and reconnect with their friends. Nessa would see how happy he is and let him go. Let him flee.
Let him live.
He had too.
As the days passed, the tension in Oz grew bigger and Nessa's temper became shorter and shorter. Random mood swings would happen more frequently- most likely triggered as the protests in Munchkinland grew larger against her power. He could talk and laugh with her one minute then have a reddening handprint on his cheek the next, and then suddenly she's doting on him again with biscuits and gifts.
He also slowly noticed her need for control with the country- or for anything. It was most prevalent in her "relationship" with Boq; this wasn't the first time she's made him stay when he wished to leave, but her latest law went to the extreme.
Before he could spiral any longer Boq stood up, stuffed the paper in his inner pocket and left for Nessa's office. His pace quickened as he started rehearsing what he was going to say on his walk there. He made it to her office, courage running through his veins, and with a grounding breath he pushed the doors open to her office.
"Nessa, I'm sorry for upsetting you, really I am. I just need to-"
He stared at the delicately made silver shoes in the air, running his eyes up from the striped stockings to Nessa's face as she beamed. She floated about in the air as she looked like the person she used to be all those years ago.
She turned to the uniformed man, practically shaking with excitement. Gliding towards him, she took him into her arms and spun him around in the air, laughing at how Boq tightly clung to her in fear of falling. She gently brought him down as she looked into his eyes, glistening with tears of joy.
"Boq look!" She twirled, her dress flowing along with her.
"How? How are you-" In the corner of his eye he could see something- someone- standing in the shadows. They cleared their throat politely in an attempt to make themself known, slowly stepping out of the dark of the room.
She was adorned in all black from the soles of her shoes to the tip of her pointed hat that Boq could never forget. She pursed her dark green lips and fiddled with her hands awkwardly, awaiting his reaction to the infamous "Wicked Witch".
"It's nice to see you Boq." She said gently.
She was as beautiful as the day he last saw her. Her braids now reached her pelvis, ending in wispy curly hairs, no longer confined to being put up or back- but free to fly. He noticed the familiar freckles on her face and let his eyes follow to hers; dark irises found his as her brows knit, looking for something other than hate in his eyes toward her.
"Elphie... You shouldn't be here." He whispered, worried that if he said her name too loud guards would swarm the office.
"Elphaba just came to lift my spirits!" Nessa joked, "Isn't it incredible?" The other woman smiled bashfully at the compliment.
"You're my sister after all, Rosy."
He stepped away from Nessa, directing his attention to Elphaba once again. "You did this... to make her happy?" he said softly, "Thank you." He took his hat off and gave Elphaba a kind smile. His courage now building up once more, he decided this was the perfect moment to tell Nessa how he really feels, he didn't know when another opportunity would arise.
She was happy; so maybe, she can finally let him be too.
"Nessa-"
"See? It's already working Elphie!" She squealed. She gripped his hands again, floating down to meet him at eye level.
"Nessa I'm so elated to see you happy; it's been so long since I've seen you smile like this, really," he pushed himself to continue. "I truly see that you're healing from your grief and feeling like- well, like yourself again. So... maybe now I'll matter less to you- well what I mean is-," he intertwined his fingers with hers, letting a breathy chuckle escape his lips, "I mean I can leave. You don't need me anymore, to heal. And surely you can let me go, make one last exception for me, lift the travel ban. Let me tell you of my explorations of the city and the new friends I make. Or the life our old friends managed to make while we were away."
"What... Boq," her own grip tightened, "Leave?"
He kept speaking, "It'll start with Emerald City, with Glinda and Fiyero. Their wedding is tomorrow, I have to attend. For them. They're my closest friends, I cannot just forget about them. I mean how could I forget Glinda? You and I both know she stole a piece of my heart when I first saw her. And Fiyero..." his smile creased, as his eyes became a little sad, "It would be wonderful to see them again. So please, I hope you don't mind my resignation and leaving here tonight."
Boq didn't notice that her hand had slipped from his until it met his face with a hard clap. He held his cheek as he doubled over from the impact, he could see pointy black boots run to his aid as Elphaba yelled at her sister.
"Nessa! How could you do that?"
"I was just trying to knock some sense back in to him that's all, he'll be fine. I mean after all these years he still hasn't figured it out, how stupid can you be Boq. What did you think would happen? That I would just magically let you go to Emerald City. That if I did, they'd let you in with no invitation letter? That Captain Tigelarr and Glinda The Good would recognize some scrawny malnourished Munchkin that claims to know them? That they won't look past their shallow point of view and somehow remember you? You were nothing Boq," she spat bitterly, "You'll be nothing if you leave me. No one's going to love you like I do Boq, can't you see? I'm the only one who loved you then and I'll be the only one who will love you now." Her nails dug into Boq's clothed wrist possessively as her other hand gently stroked his now tear stained cheek that blossomed with an aching red. She rose slowly, now towering slightly over Boq as she stared with an unreadable expression.
"Tell me Boq. Do you love me?" her hold on his wrist tightened, "Truthfully."
He hesitated. Boq knew he couldn't lie to her. Not like this- not again, "...No, I don't love you. Not like you want me to. I don't think I ever... I'm so sorry."
She took a slow breath in, and Boq hoped that maybe that would be the end of it.
"Oh, but you will. I'll have your whole heart."
Before he realized, he was being dragged to the couch, his legs gathering the rug beneath him as Nessa pulled him by his wrist. He scrambled to get out of her iron grip as she picked something up and unlocked what ever it was. Boq really did not want to know what she had to hurt him with this time.
"Nessa stop! Let him go!"
"No! I have to do everything myself don't I you witch!"
"You don't know what you're doing to him stop!" Elphaba raced to Boq's aid, attempting to rip Nessa off the terrified man, but it was no use. At this point his last resort was to get away from her. Hell, he will go with Elphaba if he has to.
"Get away from that book! You have no idea how it works!" She tried to snatch it out from her younger sister's hand but Nessa was swifter.
"Shut up!"
The sound of pages flipping filled the air as a faint glow casted their shadows in front of Boq. He pulled at her grasp, growing more frantic as Elphaba screamed at her sister to cease.
Suddenly, a strange noise came from her mouth- a foreign language twisted in the air and danced on her tongue sporadically. Her clutch on him loosened as she was engulfed by the pages of some book.
Boq couldn't care less what it was, his main goal was to flee the mansion as fast as he could and to figure it out moving on.
Seeing his chance, he slipped his hand out, scrambling to compose what little he had, he quickly armed himself with the axe as his last attempt at defense. "I'm leaving! You are more wicked than your sister could ever be Nessa, and no book can change that-"
Something was wrong.
He knew his heart rate was elevated due to the adrenaline in his system but he never noticed how it now oddly writhed under his ribs. Each pulse of his blood felt weaker than the last, a feeling like his heart was filled with thick burning tar that ached deeply in his chest bloomed.
Without warning, the most unbearable pain seared through his sternum, like a black hole tore its way into his heart's place.
Boq gripped his suit as he stumbled about, his breath coming in short, ragged, and torn. He didn't even notice when he hit the floor, nor the blood that seeped slowly out of his eyes in placement of tears. He nearly missed the blood curdling scream that followed suit with the sound of wet metal hitting the ground. All he could feel was the concave in his chest where his heart would have been.
"What have you done!? Do something! Give him back his heart back, please!"
"I can't! The spells are permanent Nessa! There's no reversal-"
"This is all your fault- you should have never come here-"
The two sisters bickered back and forth, not at all regarding the man bleeding out on the hard wood floor in front of them.
He wanted to scream for help, or to hold something- anything- warm that might give him any amount of comfort. Reaching his hand out he let out a wet red cough, gurgling on the hot blood and bile rising to his throat. It seeped slowly out of his mouth dribbling down his head to the floor with the rest of his blood, creating a halo of crimson on the planks below. In the distance he heard soft thumping, desperate to find what it was, he scanned the room for whatever made the sound he'd never thought he'd miss.
There.
Right there on the rumpled carpet and laying in a small puddle of blood, was his heart. Or what he thought was his flesh; with a closer look he saw the wind-up key spinning on its side, the shape was cartoonish and on the top laid Nessa's name painted in delicate cursive. The top the toy had a crater, it would consistently push up and down, mimicking his dying heart beat.
He didn't know what compelled him to but he reached further, straining his arm to the still beating metal. With each dying thump a memory pulsed within his head. His childhood. His older sisters. Shiz. Fiyero. Galinda. His Mom. He remembered his farm. He remembered meeting Elphaba and having his first friend. He remembered home.
"Go, now. GO."
The view of his heart was blocked by someone.
Peering up he saw Elphaba swimming in his red vision, tears glossed her eyes as she stroked Boq's cheek and smoothed his hair back soothingly. Just like his eldest sister once did as a child.
"I'm so sorry ,Boq." she weeped, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry i'msorryimsor-" She continued soothing him as he stopped fighting the heavy weight of his eyelids and finally closed them.
Pages echoed in his ears and soon the same twisting language fell from her mouth, though Elphaba sounded more practiced and poised than Nessa. He was happy he had her with him before he died, listening to her voice as it faded slowly into the pitch of darkness.
With one final breath he smiled and gurgled her name as he readily let himself go into the comforting embrace of death.
It felt warm. So, so warm, like how the sun felt as he bathed in it on the spring flowerbeds.
Then it grew warmer, hotter, near searing, until it soon reached scolding temperatures.
Boq wailed in pain as it engulfed his whole body, starting with his skin. It rose up from his fingertips until it reached each and every crevice of his body. White hot pain flared through him all as his skin slowly melted into the blanket of fire. His body stiffened, almost like a shell was hardening to his skin and joints, becoming one with his body.
A pause.
Could this punishment possibly be over?
Had he finally died?
The heat burst through once more now pressing against the hole where he had his heart. It grew and grew and never seemed to end, even with every cry and plea from Boq to stop, the heat raged on.
His tears eventually evaporated as did his vocal cords. He could feel every muscle cook, his arteries shrivel and charcoal, his bones disintegrate into nothing but ash. It ate at him from the outside in, greedily gorging away at his insides until he had nothing left to fuel its wrath. It went out as quickly as snuffing a candle's flame. The last remaining warmth softly drifting away with the wind.
Now, he just felt empty. Like all was left was his taut burned skin and nothing else. It felt so chilling, he could somehow feel the air whooshing around this cavity of a body. He craved the warmth from before, desperate again to feel anything else, though he knew his nerves died with the fire inside him.
He could hear something, like a metal hinge scraping open and a match being lit. What seemed like chunks of small wood piled in a metal chamber- a furnace, he recognized- and he heard the familiar sound of fire gently growing. But no warmth accompanied it. He still "felt" cold, empty, and had a slight heaviness in his chamber of a chest.
Then a whoosh.
Then nothing.
Light filtered in as he blinked with his heavy lashes, as did the office ceiling that stared back at him almost disrespectfully. Maybe he fell asleep while Nessa read to him again, and this was all some horrendible nightmare. But the emptiness still remained past any nightmare he had woken up from.
He stiffly got up from the floor, joints aching in a new way. A grating noise followed up with him, like nails on a chalk board. He stumbled side to side as he walked, frantically making his way to the door to finish his escape. It groaned as he pushed against it, it didn't budge, it didn't even move an inch.
He panicked; feeling like a caged animal he wildly scratched at the wooden door, pounding his knuckles against the wood. A soft yet frightened voice beckoned beyond the door.
"Boq its alright my dearest! Don't fret, I'll unlock the door in-"
His axe cracked the door with a loud thwack. He needed out now, and he will do whatever it takes to achieve that.
"Boq please stop!"
Thwack.
"I'm begging you!"
Thwack.
"You're scaring me!"
With one more final hit to the door the wood splintered away an opening, he kicked his foot through, eager to make his exit. Beyond the door was Nessa, sitting in her chair once more, looking in fear to the man before her. He stumbled his way through, his axe dragging behind lazily him as he got closer to the now weeping woman, now noticing the way she clutched at something small and red in her palms possessively, like she wanted to keep something from him.
"What happened to me? I feel, sick." he croaked. His voice sounded just like the scrap of his axe to the floor.
"It's not my fault Boq, I tried to stop her, I did!" she cried. Her mascara ran down her face in such an ugly way.
"What do you mean... What did you two do?"
Something shined in his peripheral, catching the sun and reflecting it back at him. He turned, facing the mirror that has hung on the wall since he can remember, searching for himself, aching to know what scared Nessa so.
He found a terrible ugly metal creature staring back at him. The metal shone with the sun, bending and contorting to mimic Boq's face. His once soft curls were now sharp coils of rust mocking his hair. His ski- his body- was now just one big tin model of his uniform, with a curly "M" that sat on his hat and breast.
He touched his face with his now doll like hand, pushing against his cheek and separated jawline, waiting to feel some resistance back from soft flesh that wasn't there. How could this not be a nightmare? He thought. Metal met with metal and screeched at the drawing of his fingers.
His fingers fell to where his heart would have laid, back on the embroidered M on his breast pocket. It had transformed into a latch; when it opened it creaked painfully, smoke billowed out of the small chamber that was his chest. He reached his hand in to only pull it out mortified that there was nothing there but wood and fire. No organs. No heart. No soul. Just the endless roar of smoke that seemed to keep him going.
The worst part was when he stared down his own eyes, seemingly the only human part of him left. What stared back at him was only the white of his sclera, what remained of his once deep brown eyes were now reduced to the dark hollowness that surrounded them.
Was any shred of his humanity left with him?
Or was it all torn away from the wicked spell the two witches cast.
"What have you done to me."
"It was all Elphaba I swear! She did this because... because..." She hesitated, and Boq then understood why.
And it filled him with rage.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!?" He swung his axe high above his head, ready to let gravity do the rest of the work for him.
Nessa let out a terrified whimper as she readied to defend herself poorly. Good, he thought, let her feel what I felt.
He turned his head to the mirror once again to get a glimpse of his work and froze. All he could see was a wicked monster ready to do an equally wicked thing. A pang of something blossomed in his chest and he slowly brought the axe down with what looked like guilt on the creature's face.
"I'm leaving." He felt his feet move, aiming for the parallel twin doors straight ahead. There was nothing for him now and nothing left for him to feel.
"Boq? Boq please!" Nessa cried, "Boq!"
Her wail echoed through the hall until he reached the doors to the outside, letting her sobs fade to the back of his mind.
A storm formed in dark clouds started to roll in and cry. He craned his neck to the sky with a screech, wondering what will happen to him next. He knew he couldn't go home, his family definitely wouldn't accept him now.
With nowhere to go he headed toward the thick wood past the chattering apple trees, hoping to find some semblance of shelter and privacy from the approaching storm. He passed tree by tree, using the yellow brick road as his guide to... somewhere.
His clunky footsteps slowed gradually, grinding together painfully and loudly. Soon, he couldn't move like he used to, grinding to a stop as he tripped over his feet falling to the wet ground below.
Laying there, he waited for the sweet heaviness of sleep to crash into him, but it never came. Rather, he just laid there, ever observing, the only movement left being in his still-human eyes.
Sleep still never came.
Nor did the death he wished upon himself at that moment.
No one came.
Nothing came.
Not for him.