Archive of Our Own

Toge was knelt quietly on the ground, eye lined up with the slight gap he’d created in the doorway to peer into the room. His father was at the low table, the side of his face clear from Toge’s vantage point. The other man across from him was nodding solemnly while his father spoke. He wasn’t sure the name of the person his father was meeting with, but he could only assume he was someone important.

A servant who was coming to bring refreshments to the two men was rounding the hallway when Toge heard her. He looked up, caught, and she froze at the sight of him. She had an exasperated smile on her face as she approached, but said nothing.

She came to a stop beside Toge on the floor and looked at him expectantly. He shuffled over, his robes making the slide on the polished wood easy. He was out of sight of the doorway when she slid it open to bring them their tea. Toge pressed up to the wood again and strained to hear. 

“—any sum of money needed.” His father’s voice was calm, but urging.

“Any?” The response was dubious.

Toge’s father hummed. “My son’s technique is beginning to develop. He’s entering the stage in which those bestowed with his gift become vulnerable. We need someone who is well-gifted in sensing cursed energy. However, as you must know, there are not many who are well-equipped enough that wouldn’t be lowering themselves to be a guard to an Inumaki.”

“You understand that Okkotsu is showing so much promise that he might be a high ranking member of any clan just by merit alone?” 

Toge’s father paused with a calculated silence. “I understand this. I also understand how that will come to be. He will be married off to someone who belongs to a clan already. He will have spousal rights, and be treated as manpower, regardless of where he goes.”

“And?”

“Let’s not complicate things. Keep him in a position in which he knows his place. What might happen if he eventually grows tired of being a glorified dog, pretending to be human? A guard, an attendant, so honored with serving the Snake, is a clear sign of status.”

“He is young,” the man replied. “He will not be able to attend to the Snake as he is.”

“I expected this. My son needs to train, too, at this time. They can use this time to get to know one another, become familiar with each other, and as Okkotsu trains, depending on how quickly he becomes capable enough, he may start whenever he is ready. Sooner than later is preferred.”

“When will your son begin entertaining marriage?”

Toge looked up when the servant returned to the door. He pouted up at her. She didn’t glance at him, to not give him away, and shut the door. She left it open a crack. She winked at him and went back down the hallway.

“He is only thirteen,” Toge’s father said. “There are several years left for a Snake. All Snakes marry a few years after regular marrying age, to give enough time to adequately train.”

The other man hummed and Toge saw him take a sip of his tea. He set the cup back down and considered in silence. “Okkotsu is also thirteen,” he said. “You understand my hesitance in selling him.”

Toge frowned at the phrasing. It sounded cruel. 

Toge’s father smiled and shook his head. “It’s a crass way to phrase it. I don’t intend on working him like an animal.”

“You compared him to a dog,” the man pointed out.

“Only if he were to be fooled into thinking he is equal in a family who would inevitably use him as brawn. Serving my son is a great honor. No one would treat the personal guard of a Snake with such disrespect.”

Toge poked at his tongue with his teeth, where his mark was. It’d appeared not long ago. He still was unused to it, and the way it made everyone treat him.

“Give the poor boy purpose,” Toge’s father continued. “My heart went out to him the moment I heard of the situation, even before Toge gained the mark.”

The man hesitated a moment longer. Then, he relented. He sighed deeply, took another sip of his tea. “Alright then,” he murmured, so low Toge almost didn’t hear. “Your last offer—I will take that amount and no less.”

Toge watched his father smile, duck his head and bow slightly. “Of course.” He lifted his head and turned, dark indigo eyes finding Toge’s through the slit in the door. “Toge, come inside.”

Toge’s face flushed at being caught, but he ambled up to his feet, slid the door open, and stepped up into the room. He closed it behind him and bowed to the unnamed man and his father. “Father,” he began, “I apologize.”

“It’s alright,” he said, waving him over. “I understand you’re curious about your own fate. Sit. Remember to speak as little as possible.”

Toge’s mouth tightened into a line, still unused to not speaking. He knelt at the table and looked between them. His father was knelt politely, but his posture was at ease. His cursed ability was in being able to imbue cursed energy into a rope. It sat on his waist, looped and tied. Toge was surprised he’d taken it with him to the meeting. The other man was trying not to look uneasy with the both of them, and trying not to stare at Toge’s mouth, as though to attempt a glimpse at the mark on his tongue. Toge kept his mouth carefully closed.

“You have heard of Okkotsu Yuuta.”

Toge nodded.

“He is in training, as you are,” his father said, as though he was explaining to a child why leaping into water was wrong. “He is immensely powerful. I know you have heard of him, but I fear you might not understand exactly how understated it is to say he is powerful.”

Toge nodded again.

“You know of the Gojo clan, the clan who is housing him.”

Toge glanced to the other man, who had a tired look on his face at the conversation. He looked back to his father.

“Gojo Satoru was the one who found Okkotsu in the streets, with enough cursed energy to level the entire village. Even he was impressed with Okkotsu. Do you understand?”

Nodding his head again, Toge felt a thrill of excitement at the thought. He’d been antsy to train, and the thought of training with someone that powerful, his own age, was exciting to him. He was also, though he felt somewhat ashamed of it, was glad to have someone to spend time with. He was often bored. He could only hope that Okkotsu wasn’t displeased by the arrangement.

His father continued to speak, explaining the logistics, the timeline, what life would look like with a personal guard, and went on and on about how great of an honor it was to serve Toge. Toge nodded along, and thought about how nothing had changed, except for the mark on his tongue, and the fact that everyone treated him differently. His parents had never been cruel to him, but there was an air of falsehood around their niceties since his mark had appeared.

The worst of it was that he was instructed not to speak. At least, they always said, until he’d gotten enough training to control it completely. However, Toge had read up on the mark extensively when it’d shown up, and he’d read the journals left behind by previous bearers of the mark, and it seemed that the rule to not speak had never really gone away no matter how they mastered it. It seemed, according to his findings, that the bearers of the mark were cursed to only speak when commanding, and Toge had felt a sense of dread ever since.

His father explained to him that with a personal guard, he would need to be able to trust them, communicate with them, and vice versa. You will be with this guard always, he said. This, despite how much dread he’d felt about the rest, was more exciting to Toge than anything else.

___________

When Okkotsu Yuuta came, he was the only thing anyone spoke about. Toge felt impatiently annoyed about it. Everyone, it seemed, had laid eyes on him except for Toge, which felt extremely unfair, given that Okkotsu Yuuta was supposed to be for him. 

Toge was purposely kept away from him, it seemed, since they were hoping to get to know him before they let a stranger near the Snake. Everyone, when his mark had appeared, had been interrogated and cut off from anyone they’d ever known, otherwise were thrown out.

Okkotsu Yuuta was no different, it seemed. They kept him almost always out in the training grounds, training but also testing his limits, his control, and getting familiar with his particular brand of energy. Toge had only heard of how intensely heavy it was. Some of the attendants explained to Toge that his energy was oppressive and bleak, as though something terrible was going to happen. It only piqued Toge’s curiosity more. He complained each time he saw his parents, but he barely got any words out before they were gently covering his mouth and reminding him not to speak, especially if he were to “childishly demand something.”

Toge couldn’t argue it. The first time he’d asked for something, it’d resulted in someone immediately turning to honor the request, right into one of the cooks knives. They’d almost died. Toge hadn’t spoken a word for weeks. 

Eventually, however, as the person healed, they assured him it was alright, and as the horror of it faded, he’d started blurting things out again. He still struggled with controlling it sometimes.

When Toge did finally meet Okkotsu Yuuta, he’d been taken to the training grounds after he’d lived under the Inumaki estate for three weeks.

Okkotsu was sitting in the center of the grassy field, where people sparred in free-for-alls. His legs were crossed, and his eyes were closed. 

Toge stepped onto the gravel, prepared to make his way to the field. He didn’t feel anything. He looked to his father beside him. He opened his mouth to speak.

His father tapped his mouth in reminder and guessed. “He is working on suppressing his cursed energy. I ordered him to suppress it when meeting you.”

Toge’s brow furrowed and he shook his head urgently. His mouth opened. 

His fathers hand clamped over his mouth and he looked at him sternly. “No requests or demands, Toge.”

Toge felt a frustration bubble up in him, and he had the unbidden image of biting down on his father’s hand. As though reading his mind, his father laughed and removed his palm.

“I understand you’re frustrated. But think about it. What would happen to a person if you demanded something that couldn’t be given?”

Toge looked back down at the ground. He’d been wanting to demand to be let to feel Okkotsu Yuuta’s full power, but that was something Okkotsu Yuuta would have to do, technically. 

“You’ll be able to feel it someday. I don’t want you to be startled.” 

Toge felt a restlessness in his chest at being unable to respond. He wanted to ask questions. He wanted to be able to speak to Okkotsu. He looked back to where he was sitting in the field. He turned to his father. He put a hand on his chest and pushed.

“What?” he asked.

Toge pointed to himself, then to Okkotsu, and made a stay motion to his father. He pointed to himself again, more earnestly that time.

His father sighed. He looked over to Okkotsu, and then over Toge’s head toward one of the curse users who helped train the other curse users of the Inumaki clan. He looked back to Toge. “We’ll be watching from here.”

Toge nodded eagerly and rushed off toward the field. He watched Okkotsu become clearer and clearer. 

He was wearing a plain dark yukata, and his hair was messy and in his face. He looked how Toge envisioned, oddly enough. He had dark circles under his eyes, like he was exhausted, and Toge felt a sense of guilt for it. He came to a stop in front of him and stared down at him. He was unsure how to communicate if he couldn’t talk and Okkotsu’s eyes were closed.

Okkotsu twitched when he heard him near, and for a brief, heart-stopping moment, his concentration broke and the weight of his cursed energy hit Toge like a thousand bricks. Toge let out a strangled gasp, and Okkotsu clamped down on it again, brows furrowing.

Toge whipped around to wave off his father, who he knew would be upset. He turned back to Okkotsu and then knelt in front of him. He hummed curiously. 

Okkotsu’s eyes slowly opened, and he had a bead of sweat on his forehead. His eyes were droopy, tired, and it made Toge’s chest squeeze. He certainly felt guilty then, like agreeing to this had been bad. 

Toge made some fake gestures, to pretend that he wasn’t talking so he didn’t get chastised by his father. He lowered his voice. “I’m Toge,” he whispered, deeming it safe enough. “I’m sorry.”

Okkotsu’s brows twitched, as though confused. 

He didn’t want to command him. But he gestured to the air. “If you want.”

Okkotsu let it go with a heaving breath, as though relieved.

The entire yard was plunged in a coldness that went beyond physical. Toge’s eyes widened and he froze up, back tensing.

“Okkotsu!” The trainer shouted.

Toge turned again and pinned him with his sharpest glare. “Don’t come closer,” he snapped, before he could think about it. He paused, mouth tightening into a line.

The man froze, and alongside him, so did his father. Neither of them moved.

Toge turned back to Okkotsu, who was staring at him, wide-eyed, and less exhausted. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I don’t know why they ordered you to do this.”

Okkotsu smiled, sheepish and tired still. 

“I’m Toge,” he repeated softly. 

“I’m Yuuta,” he said. His voice was gentle, and sweet, and it was such a stark contrast to the heavy weight in the air. “Sorry about the—uh…”

“It’s ok,” Toge whispered back. His voice was raspy with disuse and from commanding two people at once, and it hurt his throat to speak. “I don’t mind.”

Okkotsu smiled again. 

“I want to be friends,” Toge murmured. “Can we be friends?”

Okkotsu considered him for a moment before he nodded. “They said we’ll be together,” he whispered back, in a way that made Toge’s chest tumble. “From now on, we’re together.”

__________

Back then, the days blended with practicing, egging each other on, and then spending time outside of practicing shortly after it all began. Toge woke in the morning, and Yuuta woke in the morning, somehow at the same time as Toge each day, and he’d be coming down the hall to meet Toge and they’d walk to breakfast together. They trained at the same time, took breaks at the same time, and eventually, communicating became easy.

At first, Yuuta had learned to read Toge’s expressions very well, and then eventually his gestures, to the point that sometimes it felt like Toge could communicate entire sentences with just his face and his hands. He spoke sometimes, when others weren’t around. Yuuta wasn’t afraid of him and he wasn’t afraid of the cursed speech. Toge, however, the closer he got to Yuuta, found that Yuuta was the last person he wanted to use it on.

As his father had said, it did become easier to control. The first time he’d accidentally made Yuuta do something, he’d felt a striking terror of guilt, but Yuuta had shaken it off not long after the command had slammed into him. Toge had forgotten to feel guilty, so impressed by his ability to not obey that Toge felt like perhaps even if it was on accident, it was ok. He’d choose not to do it to him still, but he didn’t feel as afraid of it.

Once Yuuta had gotten the oppressive weight of his cursed energy under control, he was allowed to out with Toge and attend the events or gatherings that there would be. It was a part of his training, technically, so he wasn’t fully responsible for Toge just yet, but he did still follow the script as if he was. The first few times he went out, there were moments that he’d let it slip, but half of the time they were around people who couldn’t really sense cursed energy, so it hadn’t been much trouble.

Toge had turned to him one of the last times he’d let it slip and made a gesture with his hand, as if to ask why it’d happened.

Yuuta seemed to see the gesture well enough through his peripheral, since his eyes were still trained on something in the distance. He eventually peeled his eyes away. Toge had tried to catch sight of what he’d been looking at, but he couldn’t see anything amiss. There was someone looking back, but Toge assumed it was a curse user who could feel Yuuta’s heavy energy.

Stepping closer to Toge, Yuuta held his arm above his elbow and steered him to continue following his father. “It’s nothing,” he murmured. “Someone was looking.”

Toge had realized then that Yuuta wasn’t always doing it on accident. He gave him another questioning look, but Yuuta smiled at him, not exactly dismissive, but in a way that assured Toge he wouldn’t be explaining further.

It didn’t really matter, in the grand scheme of things. It hadn’t taken long for Toge to trust Yuuta and his judgment. 

One night, they’d snuck out to one of the roofs. It was the one overlooking the training grounds. Toge had a cloth laid out, where he’d also snuck some snacks from the kitchens. He’d gone to the kitchens by himself when Yuuta caught him. He’d only helped Toge take them and escape up to the roof.

Toge was on his back, chewing a rice cake as he stared up at the starry sky. “Yuuta,” he rasped.

Yuuta jolted at the sound. He was still sitting up, so he scooted over and peered down. “Yes, Toge?”

Toge turned his head and stared at him. Yuuta had an earnest expression on his face. Toge felt his heart squeeze. He’d known that the goal of Yuuta’s coming was that they’d trust one another. It was an important part of having such a personal guard. However, Toge hadn’t anticipated how personal it’d feel. He’d expected a friend, someone who he could depend on. Yuuta, however, in the first year, felt like Toge’s entire world. 

“What would you be doing right now, if you weren’t here?”

Yuuta’s brows furrowed. He looked away to consider it. “I don’t know. Probably what I’m doing here, but at the Gojo estate.”

“Do you miss it? Or did you not like it there?”

“I don’t miss it,” Yuuta said, shaking his head immediately, as though he didn’t even have to think about it. “I don’t miss what happened before either.”

Toge pushed himself up and also scooted closer. He nudged Yuuta with his shoulder. Yuuta never spoke about his life before Gojo Satoru found him. He peered at him, trying to ask with his gaze if Yuuta would tell him.

Yuuta understood the question. He sighed and looked down at his hands, where they were folded in his lap. “My parents died at some point when I was very young. I maybe have a memory or two, more like flashes really, where I can see them. But I was placed in an orphanage after that.”

Toge nodded along. He shifted closer, until their sides were pressed together. He reached out and put his hand over Yuuta’s wrist in support.

Yuuta watched their hands. He turned his over, and his eyes traced over where Toge’s fingers touched the bottom of his palm. “I was in the orphanage until I was around eleven.”

Toge made a noise of understanding in the back of his throat. He knew that he’d been with the Gojo clan since the time he’d turned around twelve.

“The orphanage was fine,” Yuuta said with a sigh, though he wanted to dismiss the idea of it. “I had a friend there. Her name was Rika.”

Toge felt an odd mixture of jealousy and empathy. He noted the past tense of the way he referred to her. 

“The orphanage burned down while she and I were out playing.” Yuuta watched Toge’s fingers twitch further up his palm. “We saw the smoke and went back. We both tried to save whoever we could. She died. I didn’t. I didn’t save anyone either.”

Toge blinked in surprise. He looked urgently at Yuuta’s face. He grasped Yuuta’s hand.

Yuuta turned to look at him. “I was devastated. My cursed energy awoke then.”

Toge glanced away. “So you wish you were still with Rika.”

When he originally asked, he had been prepared for Yuuta to say that he wished that he was back doing something different, or with the Gojo clan. He hadn’t been prepared to hear that Yuuta wished to be with someone else. It hurt him, more than he thought it would.

Yuuta hummed thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t put it like that,” he said. He squeezed Toge’s hand. “I’m happy to be with you. I’d like for her to still be alive, too.”

Toge imagined what it might have been like, to have the both of them with him. Would she have come, too, or would he still have just Yuuta somehow, but he missed her all the time? That annoyed Toge, and he felt a distant sense of guilt over it. 

Yuuta peered at him, frowning. “You’re upset. Why? Was it something I said?”

Toge stared out at the training grounds. He wasn’t sure how to say it. He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he mulled it over. “It’s just hard,” he eventually said, voice raspy.

“What is?” Yuuta asked, a little more urgently that time. He was holding tightly onto Toge’s hand.

“You’re—hm.” Toge felt his face heat up with something. He wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment or shame. “You’re my favorite person. It’s hard when I remember that you don’t get a choice on whether you’re here or not.” He paused and absentmindedly rubbed at his sternum, where his chest ached. “Hurts.”

Yuuta held Toge’s hand to his chest and turned more so that he was facing him better. “Toge,” he breathed out, “don’t say that. Maybe that would be a problem or would complicate things if you were—I don’t know—your father, I guess. You didn’t make me do this.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Toge muttered. He shook his head for emphasis. “To me, you’re someone who came into my life that turned out to be the best I’ve ever met. For you, I’m your prison.”

“You—” Yuuta began, voice strangled. He started over. “You are not and never would be my prison.”

Toge didn’t know what else to say. He knew what Yuuta was trying to explain, but he didn’t know how to explain that it didn’t matter. 

“Toge,” Yuuta said desperately.

“It’s alright,” Toge said eventually, turning to face him again. His voice was weakening. He could only speak so much before his throat was strained. “I understand what you mean. But you must understand what I mean, don’t you? If life had been more up to you, you’d be somewhere with Rika, probably not using cursed energy at all. Or, if you were, it would be somewhere you chose to be.”

Yuuta stared at him, and he was silent. He stared for so long and so silently, that Toge grew nervous. His gaze, as it was sometimes, looked dark. It made Toge shift uncomfortably. He wasn’t scared of Yuuta, but Yuuta had an intensity to him that was sometimes difficult to read. “Toge,” he started, slow and firm, “I don’t care what the hell I’m doing, where the hell I am, I’m finding you.”

Toge blinked stupidly at him. 

“If I’m with Rika, she’s coming with me or I’m leaving her behind.” Yuuta leaned closer, head tilting down to meet Toge’s stare. “If I don’t know about you, about us, then I’m unhappy until I find you.”

Toge swallowed, and his throat clicked.

“Understand?”

Toge nodded without thinking. 

“Say it.”

“I understand,” Toge whispered.

Yuuta softened then, and he drew Toge’s hand up to press to his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into it. “Remember what I said before?”

“Always together,” Toge murmured, heart thudding more pleasantly.

Yuuta hummed, eyes opening to look at him again. His dark eyes glittered in the low light. “Always together.”

___________

By the time Toge turned eighteen, he understood why Yuuta had explained to him so intensely that it didn’t matter that he hadn’t technically chosen to come to Toge. He’d proven, over and over again, that his lack of choice had been nothing compared to the fate of coming together. Toge felt like he couldn’t breathe without him. Toge, in a way, had been just as powerless to their meeting as Yuuta was.

When Toge had reached a point in his training that became too specific, too detailed, they began to train in different places. Yuuta’s power was extremely physical. It was a presence, an entity almost, and it made him nearly invincible. Toge was not invincible. His power was impressive, he could admit, which was why he needed protection in the first place. It was one thing to have physical prowess. It was another to be able to make others do what he wanted.

Toge had to train where no one else was around, except for the person who trained him. Even then, they switched between tutors regularly, as though they were the ones who needed not to be exposed to Toge’s energy and commands for too long. Yuuta disagreed wholeheartedly. At eighteen himself, he’d surpassed even the trainers, and training for him was more about control rather than honing. Everything had already been honed. Because of this, Yuuta had plenty of time to sit and ruminate about what Toge was doing.

Each time Toge was finished for the day, he’d sit in the room he trained in, alone, and hide.

He would keep his mouth clamped shut, until there was no one in the room, and then he’d shuffle over to the nearest teapot, open the top and bury his face inside to spit and cough out blood. His throat hurt, all the time. His trainers knew it hurt, and his father knew, too, but he didn’t think they understood how much. Toge understood the necessity of it. In fact, he didn’t care that it hurt. It was the sort of power that wasn’t one to be wasted or misused. Being good at what he’d been given was critical to him. It was his charge. It was safer for him and everyone else. It was more useful even, if he was good at it.

Toge knew, however, that if Yuuta were to see how much blood poured out some days, it would be a problem. Yuuta knew it hurt, since it was impossible to hide. He would make the healers make him soothing teas to heal his throat. It worked, most of the time. Curse users who were talented in healing had been brought to the estate almost immediately upon the Snake’s arrival. They were competent and good at their craft. Toge’s pain didn’t last for long. It helped make it worth it.

One afternoon, halfway into Toge’s eighteenth year, he’d been tucked in the corner of his training room, knelt beside the refreshment table and cradling the teapot to his face. Coughing hurt, so after he spat out the pooled blood in his mouth, he let his face rest in the opening, mouth parted, while the blood dripped free.

Yuuta burst in, the frame of the room rattling with the force he’d thrown the doors open. 

Toge jumped, face lifting from the pot. He turned, though he already knew it was Yuuta based off of the heavy dread filling the room.

Yuuta’s face was angelically enraged. His eyes were wide, face blank, eyes almost black. He honed in on Toge, and then his mouth. It was like the air was sucked out of the room.

Toge’s hand came up and covered his mouth, much too late. He swiped at the blood dripping down his face.

Yuuta was panting, and the room began to grow dark somehow, more than just figuratively, but literally. 

“Yuuta,” he croaked, the sound pitiful even to his own ears.

The steps he took resounded, as though leaving an imprint onto the tatami with each step. He marched over to Toge, crouched in front of him and held his chin with his fingers. He pressed his thumb to Toge’s lips, slid it inside, and pulled until Toge parted his mouth. 

Yuuta sucked in a furious breath and looked up at the ceiling, as though trying to calm himself. He breathed in and then out, and then looked down and snatched the teapot with his free hand. He peered inside, staring blankly, and without warning, he launched it at the wall. It shattered, and bloody tea splattered everywhere.

Toge jumped, hand shooting up to grab Yuuta’s wrist.

“Yuuta,” he tried again, still pitifully torn up. 

“Do not speak,” he hissed. He released Toge’s mouth and then put both hands on Toge’s shoulders. His grip was firm, but not too hard. He let his head hang between them as he sucked in large lungfuls of breath and released them slow. 

Toge sighed through his nose. He knew Yuuta would be upset to find out. He grabbed Yuuta’s hands from his shoulders and took them down to rest between them on the floor. He stroked his thumbs over the backs of Yuuta’s hands. Yuuta had already hated that they were training apart. When he’d gotten to the point where he was no longer considered “training,” Yuuta had taken the role of protector very seriously. Toge knew it would drive him crazy to discover that Toge was being hurt under his nose.

Yuuta lifted his head eventually. He took his hands from Toge’s and held his face in the cradle of his palms. His thumbs swiped away the blood smeared over Toge’s chin. His jaw was clenched, and his fingers shook, as though barely containing the anger he felt. His thumb rubbed into the skin to wipe away a smear that stubbornly stuck to Toge’s skin, and it pulled his lip far enough to open again, and another trickle of blood spilled out. 

Frozen, Yuuta stared at it, as though unsure where to even direct his rage in that moment. He stared, chest heaving again, and then his hands tangled into Toge’s hair and his forehead connected with his own. 

“Toge,” he squeezed out. “Toge.”

Toge held his face too, with soothing strokes, until Yuuta’s breathing evened out again. He pulled their faces far enough away to look at one another. He peered at him, trying to convey with his expression that it was alright. He nodded encouragingly, trying to say it’s ok. It’s ok, Yuuta, I promise.

“I didn’t know,” he said weakly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

Toge laughed, only huffs of breath to not tug at his throat. He shook his head and squeezed Yuuta’s face. 

Yuuta pitched forward, chin on Toge’s shoulder. He hugged him, face buried in Toge’s hair as he held him. “I was afraid,” he admitted quietly. “I went to the kitchens to get your teas ready. I overheard one of the servants telling another that they needed to get your blood pot from you before I found it.”

Toge rolled his eyes. Stupid, he thought. 

“I asked what they meant.” That was code for I scared them into telling me what they meant. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?” he asked desperately. “Why would you tell them and not me? Do you not trust me, Toge?”

“I do,” Toge gasped out immediately, hands fisting into his yukata. 

Yuuta’s hand was on the back of his neck, holding him still as he turned his face and nosed at Toge’s hair. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“You’d be upset,” Toge said, “and I would do it anyway. I didn’t want you to be upset.”

Yuuta’s hands tightened. “Toge,” he said darkly. “You can’t hide things like that from me. What if you tore your throat up and I didn’t know and it affected how you used your cursed speech? What if—”

“You’re right,” Toge said, before he could spiral about everything that could go wrong. “You’re right, Yuuta.”

Yuuta nuzzled into him more. His breath shuddered against Toge’s hair. “I’m going to kill your tutors.”

That stole a laugh from Toge, and it hurt. He winced and tried to stop. 

Yuuta pulled him closer. He reached around and his hand rested on Toge’s throat. “Hurts,” he murmured, not a question.

Toge nodded.

Yuuta pulled back, eyes still darkened. He looked down at Toge through droopy eyes. “I’m going to kill them,” he hissed.

Toge reached up and touched his cheek. He shook his head.

“Toge.”

Toge shook his head again, more firmly. 

Yuuta’s face fell into Toge’s, and his mouth touched along his cheekbone, his cheek, his temple, his jaw. “Please, Toge, let me.”

Toge blinked several times, a flutter in his stomach that traveled up to his chest, and made his heart pound so hard it hurt. 

“Please, please,” he breathed, “let me kill them, Toge.”

Toge stared at the wall, skin tingling where Yuuta’s mouth formed the words over and over. And, to his own shock and even a little horror, he entertained saying yes, just to see if Yuuta would really do it. 

All his life, he’d been told that his ability to make people do things was a coveted power that his family was blessed with. When he’d been given the power to use that gift, he’d then been told that more than being powerful enough to make others do things he wanted, people would want him on their side, so that he would start doing what they wanted.

And then there was Yuuta, who begged Toge for permission to do what he could choose to do at any time. Toge felt like this was real power. Hearing Yuuta beg—that’s what made Toge feel powerful.

Yuuta didn’t end up killing the tutors, but he had a condition. Toge trained after him only, and Yuuta watched while Toge trained. He stood in the corner and hovered like a dark cloud, stormy and watchful. When he felt like things went too far, training ended. It didn’t matter what Toge said, what the tutor said, when Yuuta said it was done, it was done. 

Toge obeyed him, mainly because he liked it. He liked listening to Yuuta, and he liked that Yuuta was so concerned about him.

However, despite the small pleasantries of that, Toge had opened a new door up to himself. One where he had to consider the fact that his voice, his words, had perhaps had more of an effect on Yuuta than he ever realized.

He remembered his father’s words, ever since the Snake appeared, and he always spoke about how Toge wouldn’t always know what it was he’d done to influence someone. He had thought, at the time, this meant that he would request or command something without intending to use the curse, and that it would make someone obey without him knowing. 

Toge, when he’d gotten older and more well-versed in the technique, he found that he could be influential without making anyone do anything. If he spoke to someone with favor, they had a glaze in their eye, like they were cast under a spell. Toge learned how to get extra snacks from the cooks, how to convince the servants to let him sleep in, how to wear the colors he wanted to wear even though it wasn’t always his clan’s traditional colors.

He thought he’d known Yuuta well enough to know whether that was happening to him or not. But after Yuuta had begged Toge to let him kill his tutors, Toge began to wonder. And, though the attention made him preen, he began to feel a welling of despair. 

After they’d spoken on the roof when they were fourteen, he’d thought he’d dispelled enough of his own worries. This, however, was infinitely worse than the concern he’d experienced all the way back then.

Yuuta hovered everywhere Toge went, watching everyone with a suspicious glare, particularly after learning how much Toge had been straining himself to use his cursed speech.

And Toge stopped speaking.

Yuuta understood Toge well, so at first he’d only thought that Toge was doing it because it hurt his throat. He stopped speaking during training, too, and again, Yuuta had thought it was about his throat. Toge would nod along, but when the tutors asked him privately, when his father asked, Toge just shrugged, or shook his head. He never offered a real answer.

It was a greatly debated topic. A few tutors thought that he needed to continue training. Others thought he was well-versed enough for a break. He was talented, they’d say, and there wasn’t a great rush to train what was already mostly perfected. After all, his father agreed, his throat could use some time away from cursed energy.

Yuuta, however, understood it was more than that when Toge had even stopped saying his name.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” Yuuta had pleaded with him one night, standing in Toge’s doorway after he’d followed him to his rooms to go to sleep.

Toge tapped his throat. 

“It’s not that,” Yuuta insisted. “It’s been long enough that I know it doesn’t hurt. You always—Toge, say my name.”

Toge reached up and held his face. He mouthed it with a cheeky smile, and then released his hands.

Yuuta caught his hands and held on. “Toge, say it.”

Toge shook his head.

“Toge.”

He put his two index fingers together in the shape of an x and put it over his throat. He shook his head again.

“Saying my name isn’t a curse,” Yuuta said flatly, gaze darkening. 

Toge’s mouth tightened into a line. He thought about saying it, just because Yuuta seemed to want it so badly. He couldn’t. To make up for it, Toge stepped toward him and hugged him. He rested the side of his face against Yuuta’s shoulder and leaned into him. 

Yuuta returned the embrace with a long and heavy sigh. “You’d tell me if something was wrong?”

Toge nodded. He squeezed him in extra confirmation.

“Miss your voice,” Yuuta muttered.

Toge smiled and leaned into him a little more. 

Yuuta’s mouth was on his hair. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

Toge pulled back to look up at him, but Yuuta kept his arms around him.

“It’s making me antsy,” Yuuta said sheepishly, not meeting his gaze. “Not hearing your voice for so long is making me anxious.”

Toge felt a sense of guilt. It was a common feeling lately, and he wasn’t sure how to do the right thing anymore. It seemed he hurt Yuuta no matter what he did, even when he was trying not to.

Like he sensed Toge’s emotions, Yuuta hiked him closer. “I’m staying,” he whispered fiercely. He nudged his face into Toge’s.

Toge let Yuuta walk them back into his room. He tucked Toge in, and remained awake, sitting at the end of Toge’s bed, despite Toge’s urging for him to lie down.

He fell asleep before he could see if Yuuta would take him up on the offer to sleep.

___________

According to all of Toge’s research, there was no indication that influence from cursed speech could last longer than a day, particularly if there was a loss of consciousness at any point. Yuuta had slept and awoken many times since Toge had stopped speaking. But then again, Toge had been described as one of the more powerful users of the Snake, and there was no telling if that changed that answer at all.

He’d tried to get some answers from his tutors but they only regurgitated what he’d already read.

Yuuta was on edge all the time. Toge felt guilty, but he felt more guilty speaking. If Toge had influenced him at all, then perhaps his fading patience was truly for the position he was in, and he was only just confused. He might wake one day and realize that his irritation was at Toge.

The thought sent him spiraling each time he thought of it. 

Yuuta had walked in on him once when he’d been thinking about it. When he saw his flushed face and teary eyes, he’d lost all composure. Yuuta looked afraid, scared, and furious all at once. 

“Toge,” he’d insisted, begged, “tell me what’s wrong. I know something is wrong, tell me, I swear I’ll fix it.”

Toge held onto him and said nothing. Yuuta pleaded with him, the rest of the day, frustrated tears hanging on his lashes by the end of the evening.

Yuuta had held him the whole night, and when the servants came to wake them, Yuuta had almost killed them when he’d been jolted awake.

He followed Toge without parting from him a single time, even to the tea he had with his parents. He normally would just remain in the vicinity, but when they’d looked at Yuuta expectantly, waiting for him to leave, Yuuta had only pinned them with that glare he wore so often, and remained in the corner.

Toge’s parents both had grown fond of Yuuta over time, and treated him more like family than anything else. They seemed to find his devotion endearing. Toge had felt so, too, before.

The thought of it brought that concaving emotion up in him, and he felt weak with it. He ate his refreshments, listened to his parents chatter, and stared blankly at the table. 

When his mother put her hand on his knee from beneath the table and stared at him, Toge felt a lump form in his throat. He looked over to Yuuta, who was watching him with a haunted expression on his face. It was empty, dark, and the dark circles beneath his eyes had never looked so shadowed. 

Toge’s heart felt cloven in two. 

The hand on his knee tightened.

Toge looked at Yuuta, and then looked to the door.

Yuuta stared at him, such open hurt on his face that Toge almost called it all quits and confessed his fear to him in that moment. But before Toge could debate the thought in his head, Yuuta stormed out, swiping at his eyes.

The moment the door cracked shut, Toge burst into tears.

“Oh my,” his mother cooed, moving over to his side of the table and hugging him. “What is it, what is it?”

“Is it Yuuta?” His father asked, already sounding accusatory.

Toge pulled from his mothers arm and looked around the room through his torrent of tears. He crawled over to the papers, brush, and ink on the side table and brought them back to the table. He didn’t want to speak, even to ask. He hastily scrawled all of his concerns down onto the paper while his parents watched attentively over his each shoulder.

It isn’t Yuuta, but it is. I am afraid. I have always been told that this ability I have is influential, even beyond my own understanding and control. I have been speaking to Yuuta, when no one is around, ever since he arrived. I do not order him or make requests of him, because I had thought that this would avoid trouble. I realized that I can do more than this with my ability. I am frightened that he only feels happy here, only wants this, because I have influenced him in some way.

“Oh, Toge,” his mother sighed, hand rubbing up and down his back.

Meanwhile, Toge’s father read over the paper a few times, considering as he rubbed his chin with his hand. “Did you stop speaking to him recently?”

Toge nodded hastily and swiped at his eyes. He continued to write. I stopped about three months ago.

“Oh,” he exhaled. He reached out and touched Toge’s head with a gentle patting motion. “Don’t fret, Toge. How could an influence last so long? Especially to someone like Yuuta, who can sense cursed energy like the rest of us?”

Toge stared at him.

“When you use cursed energy, just like Yuuta, there is an emanated energy that he’d be able to sense.” His father smiled wryly. “Like when you ask for more food at night—do you think your mother and I walk away unknowing of this?”

Toge looked at him dumbly. 

“I’m afraid that Yuuta is simply devoted to you whether you like it or not,” his mother laughed.

Toge looked at her next, helplessly relieved.

“I suppose you’ll have to ask him if he has been influenced and happily ignoring it, or if he’s not been influenced at all.” His father sounded amused. “Either way, I don’t think a person can truly be influenced into doing something if they wanted to do it the entire time.”

___________

Yuuta was in his bedroom when Toge left his parents. He would have had to look around for him if it hadn’t been for the sludge-like quality the air had throughout the entire estate. Yuuta’s mood was, unfortunately for him, a complete giveaway. Though, Toge supposed, Yuuta could have hid it if he really wanted to.

Toge opened the door, caught sight of Yuuta sitting on the floor beside Toge’s bed, staring listlessly at the floor, and then slowly shut the door behind him.

He was unsure where to start and how. He looked to the side, at the papers and ink at his desk. He was thinking of what to write when Yuuta spoke.

“Are you going to send me away?” he asked, voice incredibly bleak.

Toge startled. He gaped at him.

Yuuta looked up at him through his lashes and brows, and it made the dark circles under his eyes look even more prominent. “You’re ignoring me, sending me out of rooms, and won’t tell me what’s wrong. It must be that.”

Toge, despite having felt as though he cried himself out with his parents, felt more tears well up. He shook his head almost violently. He opened his mouth to protest, but the words choked up again.

Yuuta’s face crumpled and he looked away. “What did I do? What did I do wrong?”

Toge felt helpless. He went to his desk without another thought and began to write again. The words were written so quick they were hardly legible.

Yuuta, I’m sorry, he began. I was, and am, afraid of this ability I have. The more I’ve practiced, the more I have realized I can do with it. I am frightened of making people do things even I have not wished to ask of them. Including you. I am terrified of it. Please understand.

Toge took the brush with him when he rushed back over to Yuuta and knelt beside him. He gave him the paper.

Yuuta read it, and then he read it again. He looked back up at Toge with a frown on his face. “You think you have made me do things.”

Toge nodded meekly, hands fists on his knees.

Yuuta shut his eyes and sucked in a long, deep breath. “Toge,” he began, strained, “there is nothing you could have done that I wouldn’t have noticed. And even if you did, I do not care.”

It was eerily similar to what his father had said. It made Toge flush, feeling embarrassed and idiotic. He reached out and grabbed the paper and picked up the brush he’d brought over to continue writing.

I was unaware until this afternoon how it feels for others when I use the Snake. I thought that for some things, it might not even be noticeable to anyone, including myself. 

After Yuuta read that, too, he frowned, turned his head to stare at the floor, as though thinking back to something. When he came to what he intended, his head snapped up to Toge again. “Is this about what we discussed on the roof all those years ago?”

Toge’s flush deepened. He took the paper back. That time, he hesitated a little more in what he wrote. 

Yuuta, he started, you mean so much to me. It scares me in general that I can do what I can do. It makes me feel lonely. Lonely because I can’t speak to people the way I used to before because people are often frightened of me. No one fully trusts me anymore, and they assume I am doing something to them, even when I do not speak. It has made me afraid of this, too. You are the only one close to me. The thought of it not being of your own volition, even minimally, makes me feel so sick I could vomit.

Yuuta’s frown returned when he read it. He sucked in a long, deep breath, and then shook his head. He looked up at Toge. “You do not understand,” he sighed. He set the paper aside and reached up to caress Toge’s cheek. “All of the affection I have for you is of my own volition. I will be honest—you have done it to me a few times.”

At Toge’s involuntary sound of distress, Yuuta leaned in more, thumb stroking over his cheek. 

He shushed him. “Toge, sweetheart, it’s alright. It’s alright. It was for small things, like convincing me to go with you to the markets, or to end training early so we can spend time together. Nothing more serious than that. And I wouldn’t need the influence to say yes.” His nose nudged into Toge’s cheek. “I only need you to look at me and ask. I can’t say no to you, and not for the reason you’re afraid of.”

Toge implored him just by looking at him.

“I swear it,” Yuuta whispered. “Besides,” he continued, sounding pained, “you haven’t spoken to me in three months. Have I wavered in doing as you wished?”

Toge shook his head, past the guilt.

“Because I want to do as you ask,” Yuuta murmured. “You are mine. Always mine. I will do what mine own asks of me.”

“Yuuta,” he quivered out, and it ripped its way through, ragged and pitifully weak.

Yuuta sighed and then moaned. He loosened, like a puppet with cut strings. “Say it again,” he panted. “Say it again, Toge.”

“Yuuta,” he whimpered.

“See,” he whispered, mouth against the skin of his jaw. “Nothing at all.” He paused, pressing in until it started to almost tickle. “Though I think this is more effective than your cursed speech.”

Toge huffed out a laugh, and then another one, until it turned to tears. He wrapped his arms around him and held on so tightly his arms hurt. Yuuta returned the embrace just as tightly. 

“It’s us,” Yuuta said.

Toge squeezed his eyes shut. “It’s us,” he croaked.

Yuuta’s face pressed into his throat. He laid kisses up and down the length of it. “Don’t strain, Toge. It’s been a long time.”

“Yuuta,” he said helplessly. 

Yuuta kissed up to his jaw and stayed there, eyes dark and latched onto Toge’s face. His mouth rested against his chin, nose almost brushing Toge’s bottom lip. “You want to know something?”

Toge hummed.

“The Gojo clan, and your father, and anyone like him, all like to think that I’m subject to them since they think they saved me.” Yuuta lifted his head and looked down at him. “The only one who could even think to challenge me is Gojo Satoru. And he wouldn’t. You know why he wouldn’t?”

Toge shook his head.

“Because he would win,” Yuuta murmured, “and he would win so surely, so irrefutably, that there’s no point. What does he have to prove? He has other things he wishes to do with his time.”

Toge studied Yuuta’s face, and he came to the answer before Yuuta even said it.

“I don’t challenge the others, your father, the other Gojo clan members, because I would win, surely and irrefutably. There is no point. What do I have to prove?” He leaned in a little more, until their noses touched. “I have other things I wish to do with my time.”

Toge nodded, dazed. 

“If I didn’t want to be here, who would stop me?” Yuuta smiled. “The man who sold me? Your father who purchased me?”

Toge, without warning, felt the final dredges of relief, and his eyes welled with tears. He nodded and closed his eyes. Yuuta’s mouth kissed away the tears that fell to his cheeks.

“The opposite is true, Toge. Do you understand? If I want to stay, who will stop me? Who could make me leave?”

Toge buried his face into his chest and nodded again, more rapidly that time, as though to convey that he understood. And he really did. 

Yuuta held him. Toge’s relief melted him into Yuuta’s arms, and Yuuta was relieved, too. He melted back.

___________

Toge, by twenty-one, was considered to be a master. Everyone had always said that he had to master his cursed technique before he could do anything else. It was the way it was always done, for it was a serious ability to have, and one that could affect a great deal. Not only in his own life, but in others’ too. Toge did not mind this. There were duties that were expected of him that he did not want to think about. He did not want to entertain what was coming next, and he knew that Yuuta did not want this either.

But, as Toge was officially named a master of his craft, there was a looming, unspoken understanding—the next phase was coming.

Yuuta was displeased about it, and it sent Toge into a tailspin. It called in to question what they’d always ignored. Their intimacy, their affection, their time together, was all very innocent, in many ways. It had been quiet and joyous, unobtrusive even, in Toge’s life. Yuuta, though, in his tension whenever someone approached Toge with intent to discuss clan matters, made it impossible to ignore.

They were walking in town, Toge eating a sweet from one of the stalls along the road. Yuuta walked beside him like a dark cloud. Toge had been instructed to meet with his parents privately when they were to return, and Yuuta had been irritated at his own lack of invitation. 

“Yuuta,” Toge said, pausing in the road to turn to him. He held up the stick that skewered the sticky, sugary sweet, and directed it toward his mouth.

Yuuta stared at him for a moment, blank, and then his expression softened. “Toge,” he said gently, like he was saying thank you. He leaned in and took a bite. His eyes remained on Toge’s the entire time, and it made Toge’s body flush with pleased heat. 

“Okay?” Toge asked.

Yuuta hummed, swallowing the food. “We have to go back.”

Toge pouted but brought the sweet back to his own mouth. He pretended not to notice the way Yuuta’s eyes tracked the movement of it as it went between Toge’s lips.

Yuuta’s breath was a bit heavier when Toge finished it. He reached out and held onto Toge’s hand. “Ready?”

Toge nodded with a glum sigh.

Yuuta directed him to turn and they began to make their trek back to the estate. Yuuta leaned in and spoke quietly, right at Toge’s ear. “Remember, you and I are the most powerful. Don’t forget that.”

Toge turned to look at him. He felt unsure of what he was trying to imply exactly, though he had an idea of it. He just wasn’t sure if Yuuta really even knew what he meant either.

“Say the word, Toge,” Yuuta insisted. “I will obey.”

Toge’s brows furrowed. He didn’t want anything to change. He liked the life that he’d been living. He knew that he would be pushed, however, and he himself felt a vague sense of duty, since he was his parents only son. There were others who could and would technically carry on the Inumaki clan, and the Snake, but as the Snake himself, he was expected to keep it going. The pressure of it had hung heavily on him ever since he’d been young.

Yuuta hovering behind him was a comfort. He knew, thankfully now it was certain to him, that Yuuta would be there, and would remain with him forever.

When they arrived back at the estate, Yuuta took Toge’s outer robe and bags from shopping. He had a pinched expression. 

“I’ll take you to the tearoom,” he strained.

Toge nodded and followed him to where his parents were waiting for him. It felt like horribly large deal. He’d felt the same thing when he’d gone to eavesdrop about the selling of Yuuta. They both stopped in front of the door. Another servant had come across them and taken the bags and robe out of Yuuta’s hands. They stood there in silence, alone in the hall.

Toge turned to look up at him. Yuuta turned to look down at him. 

Yuuta, for the first time since his first year in the Inumaki state, looked defeated. He reached out and held Toge’s face. He looked apologetic, as though he’d done something to put them in this position. “Toge,” he whispered.

Toge waited for him to continue, but nothing came out.

Yuuta just leaned forward and rested their foreheads together. “Always,” he said. It was more like a reminder than a promise. 

Toge turned his head to press his lips to Yuuta’s cheek. He nosed into him, and imbued his energy into the words that came out. “Always together.”

Yuuta felt it. He shivered a little, and his shoulders loosened. He released Toge and went to open the door for him. “I’ll wait out here for you.”

Toge smiled wryly. He’d known Yuuta had always planned on listening to every single word.

__________

Yuuta was a wreck.

Toge didn’t know how to help him.

Yuuta had heard the plans Toge’s parents had for him, and hadn’t been able to contain himself. The moment the words had passed their lips, the entire state was sent into a dark dungeon. Toge’s mouth pressed into a firm line. No one seemed to be surprised. He remained at their mercy, waiting for them to finish explaining their plans before he could go and soothe him.

You’ll be meeting with potential matchups over the next several months. We have a few lined up already. They will begin next week. You have been matched with men and women both—we are more concerned about clan relationships at this time. You will still be expected to father children, even if you are matched with a man. They will likely give you a set of concubines. Though, of course, they will not be actual concubines. They will be prominent women within each clan, but operate in such a way to hopefully gain another Snake.

Toge had expected this. It was often how it went for any Snake that had been born. The ability was so rare, so coveted, that there was often a frenzy to create as many potential offspring from that one specific line, in hopes that even if it was many years in the future, more Snakes would be born.

The longer the explanation went on, the more uneasy everyone became. It was growing darker and darker, until it began to take on a physical manifestation. Toge’s father, though he seemed certain to get through the words, seemed to lose confidence the further he went on.

Toge had nodded at them, unsure what else to really say in response to that. He knew what was coming. He’d never been able to come up with a good plan to get out of it. He stood up off the tatami when they were finished.

Yuuta was knelt on the floor when Toge exited the room. He had tears on his face. 

Toge had cooed over him, crouching before him to wipe the tears off of his cheeks. Toge held him, pet his hair, repeated their promises, until Yuuta was able to stand up and walk with him back to Toge’s room. His parents had maintained a hesitant distance. The air wasn’t as heavy, but it still hung darkly along the ceiling.

Since then, Yuuta had been unpredictable. He would sleep in the hall outside of Toge’s door, or in bed with him. Sometimes he remained awake all night in Toge’s room, reading, looking out the window, or staring at Toge sleeping. He was never farther than one foot away. He scared everyone off from getting too close.

And Toge was having a very difficult time not enjoying it. He felt guilty when he thought of it, but he loved it. Yuuta with his full attention on him like that felt good, and it felt like a relief, after hearing the news himself. He was uninterested in this turn of events as well. He did not want to be with anyone but Yuuta. He did not want to have to be committed to another person. He even thought about what it would be like to have to produce heirs. It felt foreign to him, to think about sending Yuuta out of his bedroom at night so that he could fuck a woman. Every time he worried over it, he had sudden images of Yuuta fucking him, angrily and possessively. It did not help his enjoyment of the situation. He wondered if Yuuta would be able to even stand to let any of it happen. The thought made Toge giddy.

The night before Toge’s first meeting, Yuuta didn’t sleep. He wasn’t in Toge’s room, as though he was angry with him. Toge had initially felt a sting at that, but after thinking about it, he knew that it was only because he thought that Toge perhaps wanted this, to some degree. 

Toge, though he didn’t think Yuuta had anything to worry about, still felt bad that he was concerned. He cracked open his door and peeked out.

Yuuta wasn’t outside of his door, like he expected. He frowned and stepped fully out into the hallway. He had felt his energy, so he’d assumed he was there. He peered around but didn’t see him. He followed the direction it felt stronger, and it took him down the halls, and then to the center of the estate, all the way outside, where the training grounds were.

He was standing in the field. That time he had his back turned to the entrance, so Toge couldn’t see his face. He made his way down the steps, onto the gravel and then followed that same path he’d followed back when he was young, all the way to the grass. He stopped there, watching him from a few feet away.

The heavy feeling in the air was immense. He’d been required to repress it lately. His upset at the entire endeavor was so strong that it had been affecting everybody. It seemed he wanted to let it loose for some time while everyone slept. 

“I thought you’d deny them,” Yuuta said, voice weak. “I thought that, when the time finally came, you’d tell them no.”

Toge shifted on his feet. “Yuuta,” he said.

Yuuta turned to him. “I do not like to share.”

Toge felt a little thrill go through him. He approached Yuuta a little more. “I don’t want you to share.”

Yuuta frowned at him, and given his dreary demeanor and dark circles, it made him look angry more than it made him look confused.

Toge sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”

Yuuta swallowed, like he was trying not to cry. “You’re really going to marry someone.”

Toge considered for a moment, and he came to the very same dilemma he always did. “I’m supposed to make heirs.”

A dark look passed over Yuuta’s expression. “Right.” His tone was flat. And then, he abruptly turned away again, arm coming up to stuff his face into the crook of his elbow. 

Toge made a sound in his throat and he shuffled over to him, when he realized Yuuta had misunderstood him. “Yuuta.”

Yuuta took in a few heaving breaths before he sucked it in and cut himself off. He straightened and dropped his arm. They stood there in silence for a few more moments, and the only sound was the wind in the trees. He turned to Toge then, and his face was wet, and his eyes looked dead. 

“Toge,” he said, lifeless. “I will, as promised, do whatever you wish of me, until the end of my days. My feelings do not have any affect on this truth. Do as you please.”

Toge swallowed the lump in his throat. He wasn’t sure how to fix it. He couldn’t just say no, he didn’t think. Or, if he did, he wasn’t sure how that would work, and what would happen. But he didn’t think Yuuta would like to hear anything that sounded even remotely like yes, I will marry someone else.

Yuuta brushed past him at Toge’s lack of response, and went back into the house. Toge let him go, for he felt that he needed a moment away from him to think. The heavy cursed feeling followed Yuuta until he went into the house, and then Yuuta suppressed it. It was like being submerged in water, it was so sudden. 

Toge stood there still, and without the cursed aura, the bugs started to chirp again. Toge thought about the deal they’d made with the Gojo clan. He wondered about Gojo Satoru, who even Yuuta admitted could defeat him without problem. If Gojo Satoru decided to honor the deal, and decided to exact some form of punishment, then Toge and Yuuta’s efforts would be useless. But he knew that if Toge got married, even if the marriage was a sham, and only existed in name, Yuuta would be hurt.

Worst of all, marrying someone would create the exact scenario that he’d been trying to avoid—Yuuta would be unhappy in his bind to Toge.

Toge made his way inside. He was quiet as he padded through the estate, searching for the place Yuuta had settled. He wasn’t in his room, and he wasn’t in the kitchens, or outside of the meeting room, which were the places he often wandered when he was upset.

When he wasn’t there, he hoped that meant Yuuta was really in his room. He hadn’t checked there first out of fear he wouldn’t be there. If he wasn’t there either, Toge was unsure what he’d do next. 

But Yuuta wasn’t there either.

At that point, Toge felt helpless. He wondered if, in his displeasure, Yuuta would eventually leave him, despite his promises.

He checked every crevice of the estate, but he’d come up empty. By the time he’d checked everything twice over, he thought perhaps Yuuta had just been hiding from him. He’d always seemed to have an uncanny sense for wherever Toge was, and he could only guess it was his cursed energy. But, Yuuta could suppress his. With those two facts, he could hide from Toge forever.

The thought disconcerted him. 

Toge felt frustrated tears prickling at his eyes. He swiped at his eyes, annoyed, and went to go back to his room. He stood in the hallway, and felt so annoyed that he couldn’t bring himself to slide open the door. 

Eventually, he practically threw it open and slammed it shut again. He walked to the other end of the room and stared out the window. His rooms overlooked one of the gardens that separated the rooms to the courtyard. Toge opened the window and climbed out. He sat outside, out of the view of room. He settled on the short ledge and put his chin in his hands.

His own cursed energy was sour, and even he could tell from the way the bugs that were climbing over the flowers and plants froze as though in the face of a predator. Toge stared at the bugs and tried to suppress it. He watched them, and focused on his emotions, the things that made his energy respond to him. He focused on the fact that his cursed energy was something that emanated from him, permeating the air, waiting for a command, so that the words could travel through it and then enter its target. It was something he’d learned to be conscious of when he was training.

Even though he’d never done it before, he dragged that weight into himself. Toge stared at the praying mantis that had frozen on the leaf beside him. It began to move.

Toge was curled on his spot on the ledge, knees tucked to his chest, and eyes drooping as he watched the sunrise. It’d turned out to be easier than he thought to suppress his energy. It amused him to realize it, for that meant Yuuta was often not suppressing his own just because he didn’t want to. Or, he just had so much that it couldn’t fit inside. 

Toge’s was thin and coiling, like a snake, and it was easy to wrap up and tuck into his chest. 

He distantly heard his door opening. It made a gentle, sliding sound. Toge felt angry, too. 

“Toge?” Yuuta’s voice called. It was muted, surprised, and just as tired as Toge felt.

“Toge,” Yuuta called again, seemingly moving over to the side room where he would change and bathe. Toge felt the estate plunge into its predictable sludge-like dread. 

“Toge,” Yuuta repeated, more loudly, more upset. He paused, as though trying to pinpoint Toge’s cursed energy. Toge figured that he’d waited until Toge had gone into his room before going to go sulk wherever he’d decided to.

Toge listened to him rush out of the room and shout. “You! Come here!”

A servant scurried over to him and Toge leaned closer to the window to listen. 

“Where is Toge?” he demanded, as though that random servant would have known. “Did he already go to the meeting room?”

“I’m not sure, Yuuta-san,” the girl said shakily. “I have not seen him this morning.”

“Go look,” he snarled. He turned to check his own room it seemed. Toge heard the muffled sound of him calling for Toge again.

And Toge, in a feeling that felt slimy even to himself, felt gratification. He uncurled his legs and stretched. He rolled his neck and felt it almost pop. Toge stretched his back next and then rubbed at his tired eyes. The meeting was bound to go poorly, given how bad his mood was and how tired he felt. He couldn’t imagine he’d look very presentable either.

The servant returned, and confirmed that Toge was not in the meeting room. 

The heavy feeling in the air turned sharper and heavier, and the servant made a bitten out sound. Yuuta also let out a strangled sound, as though he felt unsure what to do.

Toge climbed back in through the window and let go of that snake.

Yuuta was bursting into the room again a moment later. He stared at Toge, chest heaving, eyes wide. He stumbled into the room and then gathered Toge up and pressed his face into Toge’s hair. 

Toge returned the hug, and petted Yuuta’s hair gently. “It’s not fun when you can’t find me, is it? Or when I hide from you?”

Yuuta shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he burst out.

Toge turned his own face into Yuuta’s cheek and kissed his face. His lips slid along his cheek where Yuuta was crying. “I’m sorry, too.”

Yuuta pulled away to look down at him. Their noses brushed with their proximity.

“I don’t know what to do,” Toge admitted, “but that doesn’t matter, alright? It’s you and me. Always, you and me.”

Yuuta nodded quickly.

“Promise me,” Toge commanded.

Yuuta let the command take him, and his eyes glazed over. “I promise you.”

Toge pushed up to press a kiss to Yuuta’s cheek. He dropped back down to his feet and then wiped Yuuta’s face clear of tears. “Help me get ready.”

“Yes, Toge.”

__________

Toge had been spacing out when he’d been introduced to the man he was meeting for the courting meeting. They were in a room with both of their fathers. He was a Kamo, but Toge couldn’t remember his name. Toge was certain that he looked exhausted, but no one commented on it aside from the looks his father kept sending his way.

Yuuta was outside. He’d followed Toge to the courtyard, ever loyal, and remained silent as he stood behind him and just to the right. Toge could feel him burning a hole into the Kamo man as they greeted them and then brought them inside. Yuuta remained in the way the entire time, so Kamo could not get near him. Toge found it amusing, but it was annoying his father.

He looked furious when he was asked to sit outside. Toge had reached over to him, and held his hand. He looked at his face. He wasn’t sure exactly what it was he wanted to convey, only that it was ok, and nothing would change. Yuuta eventually agreed with a sullen look, and the anger quickly faded to something more melancholic. It was such a melancholic look that Toge had to remind himself to bring it up to him later. It was the sort of look that carried more than disappointment. 

Toge tried to catch his gaze again. Yuuta only offered him a gentle shake of the head and went to kneel beside the door obediently. Toge still held to his hand. The others stepped into the room while Toge lingered. He tried to get Yuuta to look up at him again.

Yuuta looked back up at him, and his expression had evened out into something neutral. He glanced back toward the room, and when he looked back at Toge, the little glistening light in his eye he normally had when he looked at Toge was gone. He pressed a sweet kiss to Toge’s palm and released him. 

“If you need me, call for me,” he murmured. 

Toge nodded. They were waiting for him, his father watching him impatiently, but Toge still bent just enough to caress Yuuta’s face for a moment. Yuuta leaned into it with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

He released Yuuta and stepped up into the room. The door slid shut behind him. For a singular, brief, and heart-stopping moment, the entire estate was shot with what Yuuta was feeling, before it was gone again. Toge bit the inside of his cheek so hard it started to bleed, while both Kamos looked at Toge’s father in surprise.

Neither Toge nor his father pretended that it happened. Toge took his seat beside his father and they began to talk.

The conversation was boring, but amicable. Eventually Toge realized that the person he was being set up with was named Noritoshi, but he didn’t care. He was fine—pleasant and kind, and he was intelligent and talented. He could use cursed energy, which was a reason they were considering it, despite the fact that they were both men. 

Though Noritoshi’s father wasn’t presumptuous enough to discuss how they would procreate, he did find ways to sneak it in anyway. He spoke of Noritoshi’s cousins, since he did not have daughters to marry off to Toge. There was no telling whether or not Yuuta was listening to these specifics, but Toge could only assume that he was. 

After some time, both of their fathers stood, and decided to let them speak alone. They were both men, and so they felt it was appropriate to leave them alone, and that their wishes should be equally respected. Toge watched his father leave, and he felt a sense of disgust for him that he’d never felt before. Respected as men, he thought. Toge had been treated as if he was that dog he’d compared Yuuta to, ever since the topic of getting married had been brought up. 

Toge looked back to Noritoshi, who was refilling both of their teacups. 

“This is an unusual arrangement, if it were to continue beyond this,” he said, sounding somewhat amused. He set the teapot down and then reached to sip from his cup. He looked at Toge over the drink. “I would understand if you immediately rejected this and selected a partner who you could actually bear children with.”

Toge let out a sigh and took a sip from his cup. He nodded his agreement that it was unusual and he didn’t want to continue on, though he agreed for different reasons. He didn’t want to select a woman. He wanted to select the man sitting a few meters away behind the closed door.

“It could be a fine arrangement though,” Noritoshi continued, setting the cup down. He looked at Toge with a polite smile. “I am not…uninterested in men. If you were inclined to, it could be quite agreeable in the end.”

Toge blinked at him, unsure what to say to that.

“You can speak,” Noritoshi said, mistaking his silence for hesitance due to his ability. “I am not afraid of it.”

Toge, though he’d expected that he might encounter someone who was interested in more than his ability, hadn’t expected for it to be so soon, and upon the first meeting. Toge considered his response. He hadn’t been prepared to respond to advancements. He had hoped to figure that out with Yuuta in the meantime.

Though he couldn’t feel Yuuta’s cursed energy, he knew that he was antsy, and growing antsier after hearing Noritoshi’s offer.

Toge folded his hands and set them on the table. He let out another sigh. “I am unsure what to say.”

“That’s alright,” Noritoshi said gently. “I know that was quite forward.”

He lifted an arm and reached for Toge’s hand. Toge pulled back. “Don’t,” he said, before he could stop himself. The command froze Noritoshi in place.

The door flew open.

Yuuta stood there, expression dark, the energy rolling off of him black. Though Noritoshi was still frozen, Yuuta still walked over, no expression on his face, and grabbed him around the collar. He threw him into the wall.

Toge stared up at him, mouth parted. “Yuuta,” he breathed.

Yuuta turned to Toge. “He touched you,” he said. He stepped over to Toge and knelt beside him. “That is not allowed.”

Toge blinked a few times. “I—”

“And you used your speech on him.” Yuuta’s hand wrapped around his throat and held it gently.

Noritoshi groaned and shifted on the floor.

Yuuta turned to look at him. His pupils were narrowed to pinpricks. 

Their fathers rushed into the room, bewildered, and Yuuta brought Toge up to his feet. “He touched Toge,” Yuuta explained flatly. “I will take Toge to treat his throat. He used his speech on him to tell him to stop.”

Noritoshi’s father looked horrified, and Toge’s father looked as though he was unsure how to categorize any of the feelings he was currently rifling through. Whatever it was, however, Toge knew would not be good.

Yuuta led Toge out of the room while Noritoshi was tended to by his father. Toge’s father was requesting aid from a servant to get a healer. 

Toge felt like he couldn’t hear. Blood was roaring through his veins, and it muffled all sounds. When they rounded the corner and were out of sight of all of the servants who were watching them, Yuuta swept Toge up into his arms. Toge didn’t resist. He wrapped his arms around Yuuta’s shoulders. 

“Are you alright?” Yuuta breathed into his throat.

“Yes,” Toge said, dazed. “I—he barely touched my hand.”

“Your throat?”

Such a small order to someone who wasn’t expecting or resisting was like an ill-timed cough. It was almost a tickle. “Fine. A bit itchy.”

Yuuta squeezed him, but said nothing. He continued down the hall without releasing him.

He didn’t take him to the medical rooms. He took Toge to Toge’s bedroom. He held him with one arm to open and then close the door behind them. He brought Toge over to the vanity at the other end of the room to set him down in the chair. 

He quietly knelt down in front of him, and his face was hidden by his hair. His head was ducked, and the fringe shadowed all of his features.

They sat in silence for several moments, Toge’s hands limply between his legs while Yuuta remained unmoving. 

Eventually, the silence unnerved Toge enough to reach for his face. He held Yuuta’s cheek and tilted him up.

“Toge,” Yuuta said weakly. “They only want you for your power.”

Toge’s mouth tightened into a line. He nodded.

Yuuta’s expression crumpled. “Why? Why are you doing this? You deserve more—! You deserve to be with someone who loves you, really loves you.”

Toge’s heart felt like it palpitated. It made his chest tickle and trip.

“You shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t love you. This isn’t what it should be, it never should have been. You should be with someone who takes care of you, respects you, someone who wouldn’t use you.” He spat the last words. He held to Toge’s wrists. “Toge,” he said desperately, turning his face to press his mouth to Toge’s palm. “I hate this, Toge, you—you deserve and should be with someone who will cherish you.” He paused for only a moment. “Like me,” he croaked. “Like how I cherish you, how I love you. Why isn’t it enough?”

Toge sucked in a sharp breath, but Yuuta continued before he could respond.

“I’m sorry,” Yuuta practically whined. “I know I was supposed to protect you, serve you, but I love you. I love you so much it aches, it hurts, I can’t think about anything except for you. I tried to be enough for you, why isn’t it enough?” 

“Yuuta,” Toge breathed helplessly.

“Is it my standing? Because I’m an orphan; no one?” Yuuta leaned more into Toge’s hand. “I’m sorry, Toge, I’m sorry. I’ll do anything, tell me what you want from me, I’ll do it. I’ll be good—I’ll be good for you, I swear.”

“Stand,” Toge breathed, standing himself as he watched Yuuta obey the order. He looked down at Toge, hands still gripped to Toge’s wrists. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Yuuta continued, when the command was fulfilled. “Don’t send me away, Toge, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for avoiding you, for being angry, I’ll do anything you want. Don’t send me from you, please, please.”

Toge backed him up further into the room, until Yuuta’s knees hit the edge of the bed. Yuuta was still begging as they walked. Please, I’ll do anything, I love you, I’m sorry for loving you—I’m not sorry for that, but I’m sorry if it isn’t what you wanted from me. I don’t want to lose you, please.

Toge pushed him to sit, swallowing the lump in his throat. He felt emotional, but also insatiable. He felt starving, ravenous, for him. He stared down at Yuuta, his breath heavy, and then climbed on to straddle his lap. He kissed him.

Yuuta let out a strangled sound of surprise and relief, and then surged into the kiss with as much urgency and fervor that Toge could hope to expect. His arm wrapped around his back, and his other hand came up to tangle into Toge’s hair. He held him closer and immediately deepened the kiss. His tongue prodded in and began to feel consuming, like he was sucking all the affection he could from Toge.

“Yuuta,” he breathed, voice cracking, between the breaths of Yuuta pulling away to switch angles. Yuuta’s mouth was on him again, and he laid back onto the bed, taking Toge with him. 

Toge shifted, moving up to straddle his waist instead, his own hands sliding into Yuuta’s hair to tangle and hold him securely to his face. He kissed Yuuta so hard that his mouth hurt, but he kept going, until his head was growing light from lack of breathing.

When he pulled away, he stayed close. He looked at Yuuta and watched his eyes crack open, wet and teary, and the sweet sparkle had returned. Toge found his mouth stretching. “Yuuta,” he started in a whisper, “I love you.”

Yuuta’s face scrunched, and his eyes squeezed shut. “Toge,” he moaned.

Toge laughed breathlessly, and he shuffled down into him. Yuuta’s hips jerked. “I love you—is that a surprise?”

“I know you did,” Yuuta said, head tipping back as Toge leaned back just enough for the swell of his ass to press back into his growing erection. “I hoped that’s what this was, anyway.”

Toge watched his face as his mouth touched his jaw. He watched Yuuta’s eyes flutter and roll back slightly as he shut his eyes. He let out a breathy moan, hands sliding down Toge’s sides and resting against his hips. He pulled Toge further down onto him. “Yes,” Toge whispered, watching him. “Yes, it’s always been this. It’s always been us.”

Yuuta’s brows furrowed slightly. He nodded tightly, like he couldn’t come up with anything to say. “I love you,” he said instead.

Toge smiled against his skin, and continued to press his mouth over every inch of skin he could reach. He parted his mouth and sucked, until Yuuta was gasping and shifting up again.

“Toge—fuck—what are you doing?” He sounded strained, nervous, and it made Toge smile. 

He lifted his head and pushed himself all the way up. He settled on Yuuta’s abdomen, low enough that he was practically sitting on Yuuta’s cock. He ran his hand down Yuuta’s chest. He fingered the obi at his waist that kept his robes together. “Are you shy?” Toge asked, voice raspy.

Yuuta noticed. He reached up and touched Toge’s throat again. “Don’t talk,” he said, a more serious look crossing his face. “You’ve used it a few times now.”

Toge laughed. “Barely anything. It’s fine.”

Yuuta sat up, and kept Toge snug right where he was sitting. His cock pressed up to the underside of Toge’s, and it made him gasp and cling onto his shoulders. He held Toge’s throat. “Anything wasted on a piece of trash like that,” Yuuta breathed, dipping and turning his head to lay gentle kisses up and down the column of Toge’s throat, “should be erased as soon as possible.”

Toge’s eyes slid shut. The feeling of Yuuta’s attention, like this, was something he’d truly been missing out on. “Yuuta,” he sighed. “Yuuta.”

Yuuta’s mouth was gentle and wet as he kissed open-mouthed up and down his neck, across his jaw, the shell of his ear, and then back to Toge’s mouth. He kissed him, once again mouth open, for a deep, soul-sucking kiss, and then he released him to kiss down his neck again.

His arms were wound around the arch of Toge’s back, and it kept him close, near, even as Toge arched against him and moaned quietly. Yuuta’s mouth was parted at the bottom of his throat, sucking his skin up behind his teeth. Toge’s head felt light again, and his hands scrambled and clenched when Yuuta began suckling at it, rhythmic and deliberate. It was slow, soft, and Toge was grinding down into him without thinking about it.

Yuuta lifted his head, and that handsome, dark gaze he would wear pinned Toge. He hovered near to Toge’s mouth. “You’re mine,” he whispered. “Mine.”

Toge kissed him, sliding his hands into his hair and scraping lightly at the base of Yuuta’s skull. He melted into him, hands going to Toge’s waist. He moved him, rolling Toge against himself. “I know,” Toge whispered, half-moaned. “We’re going to figure it out. I promise. I don’t plan on giving this up. I never did—I’ve just been unsure how to do it. I don’t need anyone but you.”

Yuuta hugged him, face buried in the juncture between Toge’s neck and shoulder. One arm wrapped tightly around Toge’s waist, and the other held the back of Toge’s head. “Love you,” he squeezed out, hips jumping up. “Love you, love you, love you,” he gasped, rolling up the same time he rolled Toge down.

Toge jerked when Yuuta’s cock rubbed into him just right. He moaned, head tipping back as Yuuta began to suck his skin again. “Yuuta,” he moaned, rolling in tandem with Yuuta’s. “Like that, just like that.”

Yuuta obeyed, and Toge wasn’t even sure in that moment if it had been a command, or just a request Yuuta decided to honor. And that was the thing about Yuuta, really—he always obeyed. There was an extremely blurry line between orders and commands. He did it all, even when Toge didn’t ask.

“Toge,” Yuuta panted, rocking his hips up. “Don’t send me away.”

“Never,” Toge gasped, hands tangling in Yuuta’s hair to draw his mouth back to his own. His hips rolled quicker, quicker, until his crest was rising. “Yuuta—I’m gonna—”

Yuuta made a strangled sound, sucking in a wild breath. He dragged Toge down more, rabbited up harder. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, please.”

“I—Mmh—”

“Please, cum on me,” Yuuta said desperately, shoving a hand between them to palm at Toge’s cock through the fabric. “Please, please, please.”

Toge dug his fingers into Yuuta’s shoulders, and then froze, shook, and rolled his hips quicker to ride the high. He let out a long, drawn out moan, burying himself into Yuuta’s chest and collarbone. “Yuutaaa,” he moaned, long and drawn out, a whiny sound even to his own ears.

Yuuta’s hand held his head again, cradling it, as he kissed over Toge’s cheek. He whispered to him, sweet words, and stiffened when he came, too. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chanted lowly, quivering through it. 

Toge was sticky in his underpants, but he felt satiated. He felt more satiated than he’d ever felt in his entire life. He slumped into Yuuta’s arms. One of his last coherent thoughts before his mind went numb and gooey was that he couldn’t believe they’d waited so long.

“Love you,” Yuuta whispered again, hands gently stroking his sides. 

“Mm,” Toge hummed, nudging into him. “Yuuta… I love you.”

__________

Toge’s nights blended into the day. His days were quiet, uncomfortable, tense, after everything that happened. And his nights were euphoric. Yuuta was with him each moment, and he could feel the tension in the waking hours, but it was satisfied in the night. He fucked Toge like he couldn’t get enough, like it’d physically pain him not to. The moment it was quiet, the doors were shut, he was there, pressing against him, pressing into him, over and over.

He couldn’t stand it because it was all he could think about, the best thing that’d ever happened to him. Toge needed it, needed Yuuta. Even if he had to destroy everything, completely abandon and upturn his entire life, he’d do it if the threat was losing this. He’d known it already, it wasn’t that it was a strong revelation, but it was cemented into the earth now. There was nothing else but this.

Yuuta hovered over his back, one hand on his waist, the other tangled with Toge’s fingers on the bed. Yuuta held Toge up since he strained to stay perched up on his knees. Yuuta’s cock slid in and out, scraping pleasantly on Toge’s insides. He moaned into the sheets, buried completely to muffle the sounds.

Yuuta kissed over his nape, between his shoulders, back up to tuck into his neck and kiss his cheek. “Let me hear you,” he whispered. 

Toge turned his head slightly, and Yuuta’s mouth was on his immediately as he paused in thrusting to grind into him. It rubbed right against Toge’s prostate, and Toge moaned into Yuuta’s mouth. Yuuta sighed, and then he came without warning, immediately flooding Toge’s hole with cum. 

“Oh—” He gasped out, strangled. Yuuta’s hand released Toge’s and slid beneath him. His hand held Toge’s abdomen. He pressed his fingers there.

“Feel it,” Yuuta breathed out. The press from his hand felt like it minimized the space inside for him, and Toge felt his cum start to leak out around Yuuta’s cock. 

“Yuuta,” he cried helplessly, and Yuuta stroked his hand over Toge’s erection until he came, too. Yuuta’s hand messily caught the release, scrambling to feel it spurt against his palm. 

Once he’d ridden the high, Toge slumped onto the bed and Yuuta settled on top of him, pulling his hand out to lick his palm and his fingers clean of Toge’s cum. He sighed pleasantly. 

“Gross,” Toge commented without heat, eyes sliding shut. He felt so warm and enclosed. It felt safe. 

“Not even a little,” Yuuta said happily. He wrapped himself around Toge and nuzzled into his nape. 

Toge laughed, though it was more like a few huffs of breath. “Good?” he asked.

Yuuta kissed him over and over. “More than good,” he murmured. 

Toge settled into the bed, though they were sticky and needed to clean up. Yuuta soothed a hand down Toge’s side. 

“I’ll clean you up, baby,” Yuuta whispered, as though he could sense why Toge was fighting sleep. “Rest.”

Toge could agree. His throat hurt from the amount of times he’d commanded Yuuta to go harder, faster.

Toge dozed in and out of sleep as Yuuta cleaned them up and changed replaced the sheet they’d used to catch everything. When he was done, Yuuta settled back into the bed and pulled Toge back into his arms. Toge shuffled around so they were facing one another, and he snuggled in close.

“They’re going to set you up again.” 

Toge nodded. “I’m going to speak to my father about it tomorrow. We have a meeting planned.”

Yuuta let out a puff of air, sounding relieved. He hiked Toge closer. “Sorry,” he whispered.

“Why?” Toge muttered, starting to drift.

“That you have to do all of this.”

Toge snorted softly and shifted comfortably. “I’d do worse—or even something ridiculous. I’m not sorry at all.”

Yuuta’s mouth pressed to his gently. “Me too,” he whispered. “I’d do anything.”

Toge smiled. “Anything, always, forever.”

“Anything,” Yuuta murmured back, right against his lips, “always, forever.”

__________

Yuuta stared at Toge, an extra robe layer over his regular clothes to stay warm. Toge was still in his regular yukata. He was holding a potted plant in his hands, but Yuuta wasn’t paying attention to it. Yuuta was staring at Toge, with an eerie sense of calm. Toge was unsure what he’d look like in that moment, but calmly staring at him had been one of the last guesses he had.

Toge’s parents both stood behind him, also to see Yuuta off.

Yuuta smiled then, boyish and easy, even though it didn’t really reach his eyes.

Neither of them spoke for several moments. Toge reached out and handed the pot to Yuuta. He took it with a more genuine smile that time, and cradled it in one palm. His other hand was holding onto the strap of his bag. 

“I’ll miss you,” Toge said.

Yuuta’s expression softened a little more, and he hummed. He reached out and caressed Toge for a moment. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Toge nuzzled into his hand. They’d already said a more genuine goodbye in Toge’s room. He tried not to let his mind wander to the image of Yuuta hovering over him, his knees hooked on Yuuta’s elbows as he thrusted into him, whispering about Toge being his as he bit and sucked along Toge’s calf.

“Be safe,” Toge’s mother commented, jolting him back to the present.

Yuuta looked at her and ducked his head. “Thank you, Inumaki-sama.”

And then, without another word, Yuuta stroked Toge’s cheek one more time and then released him. He turned to leave. Just before his face was hidden from Toge’s, he saw the sweet smile slide right off of his face. He walked the rest of the way out of the courtyard and then left the grounds.

Toge’s parents left, but Toge remained rooted to the spot. He wanted to keep his eyes on him for as long as he could. He soaked it in, as much as physically possible, feeling a sense of premature hunger. He already dreaded the upcoming evening, when he’d have to get ready to sleep and then go to bed alone. He dreaded how he knew it’d feel to wake in the morning without Yuuta waiting for him.

Though they both disliked the situation, they both felt it was in their best interest.

They wanted Yuuta to learn a reverse technique for curses, which could give him the ability to heal. Only healers could really use that ability, and it was the only way they manipulated cursed energy. However, very powerful users could learn it, even if they already had an ability. At the moment, the only known user who could do both was Gojo Satoru. And, according to Toge’s parents, they thought Yuuta could be the next.

Both Toge and Yuuta understood that a large reason they decided to pursue this was because they felt that Yuuta was in the way of the marriage negotiations. Initially, Yuuta had toiled with the decision. He was torn between learning something that would help Toge, particularly with the way his curse ability hurt him to use, and leaving him alone to entertain marrying other people.

Toge, however, had learned the next person he was being set up with was a woman, and she was a woman who did not use cursed energy. She was Toge’s age, from the next most prominent family after the Gojo clan, and she was well-known for resisting marriage proposals. He felt that they could come to an arrangement easily, given the fact they both would likely not want to get married.

Yuuta, after hearing that it was Zen’in Maki, agreed. He couldn’t resist learning a skill that would allow Toge to use his curse ability more easily and with less consequence. It also seemed to soothe him of worries that Toge hadn’t even known he had. He supposed being charged with protecting someone due to people’s interest in capturing and manipulating him would make a person on edge for that target’s safety.

It was, predictably, odd and lonely without Yuuta at the estate. Toge hadn’t spent a day without Yuuta since the day they’d met. Even when one of them was sick, the other was there. Otherwise, anytime Toge went anywhere, Yuuta was his shadow. He’d never gone somewhere Toge hadn’t. It felt unnatural, and it made Toge anxious. Though, his anxiety would likely prove to be helpful in prolonging the marriage. His parents wanted Yuuta out of the way so they could negotiate without problem, but it wouldn’t be a suspicious or shocking surprise if Toge was subdued and nervous without Yuuta around. In fact, they likely expected it.

Zen’in Maki was set to arrive only a few days after Yuuta had left, likely to ensure that he would be confined expertly in the Gojo estate. 

Toge had met Gojo Satoru once, and it was when they’d all gone to visit the estate to ensure that things with Yuuta were going well. They’d been around fifteen, and Gojo was in his early twenties. He was frightening to be around due to his reputation alone. If he’d thought Yuuta’s presence was overwhelming, then he couldn’t imagine Gojo’s. He was unsettling in his presence, but somewhat mischievous otherwise. Toge wondered if Gojo would be committed to teaching Yuuta the reverse technique enough that he would fight to keep Yuuta if he for some reason tried to make his way back to the Inumaki estate.

They guessed that it would take Yuuta a couple months to learn it, and Toge knew that they were hoping to have a marriage deal set up by then. He thought he’d be able to prolong it a few months, but he knew that if there was a marriage announcement that reached Yuuta’s ears, he’d likely march back without warning and raise hell.

Meeting Maki didn’t make Toge anxious, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. He hadn’t been sleeping well without Yuuta around, and he had a generally low mood, reminding him of how he’d felt before Yuuta had come. He’d felt isolated before, and Yuuta’s sudden absence was unwelcome. 

When he entered the meeting room, Toge was somewhat surprised at how little fanfare there was. Maki’s father wasn’t there, but another woman was with her, sitting at Maki’s side and examining her hands. Maki was leaning on one knee, chin in hand. Toge’s father looked surprised, too, but he recovered quickly. They went to sit across from them. 

“Apologies for our late arrival,” Toge’s father said.

Maki straightened. “It’s fine,” she said.

“I was expecting your father.”

“Something came up,” she said vaguely. She glanced sideways at the woman beside her. “This is one of my attendants, Kugisaki Nobara.”

Kugisaki bowed her head politely, hands folded politely in her lap then. 

“I understand if you are put off by my father’s absence,” Maki said, smiling in an almost sardonic way. 

It seemed Toge’s father was unsure how to answer this. He was put off by it, but it was the Zen’in clan. They were difficult people to dismiss. “I am merely appreciative of your consideration.”

Maki shrugged. “We were honored by your consideration, too. After all, I can’t use cursed techniques.”

Toge considered her response and demeanor. She had the arrogant air of what he’d heard of the Zen’in clan, but without the ability to back it up. It made him curious about what she could do instead. If his father was curious, too, he didn’t say. Kugisaki looked amused, too, however.

“Well, what sorts of things can we discuss since he is not here?”

“Everything you’d discuss if he was,” Maki said. “He likely will not be involved. He was impressed at the request you sent, but he is not expectant of anything.”

Again, his father seemed to be at a loss for words. Toge really thought this was the perfect arrangement for what was going on with Yuuta. If Yuuta learned the reverse technique, Toge was certain that he would not be required to get married at all. Yuuta had told Toge about how Gojo Satoru had also had a similar dilemma. He was pressured to marry any woman. They had not even cared who. Yet he refused. There were rumors as to why, mainly related to Gojo Satoru’s closest friend and companion, but no one spoke of it. Gojo never married. Nobody could make him. If Yuuta could rival someone like Gojo, could anyone make them do anything?

If Yuuta could help improve Toge’s own ability by being able to heal him, there was not much anyone could make them do.

Maki’s disinterest was even better than he had hoped.

“Does your father have any requests or requirements?”

“He did not consider this a serious offer,” she said. “Perhaps if you had sought us out a few years ago, before my sister was married off, he would have come with much more interest.”

Toge knew of her sister. Zen’in Mai, the only twin to have cursed energy. Toge felt a sense of sympathy for her, but he didn’t let it show on his face. She didn’t seem like the type to appreciate that. 

Toge’s father glanced to Toge and studied Toge’s face. “Toge,” he began, “do you have any questions for your potential partner?”

Toge almost laughed at that, but he managed to school his expression. He looked to Maki, and then to Kugisaki, who was also studying him with a cool expression. He shook his head. 

His father sighed, and he took a long, lingering sip of his tea. He set the cup down, looked at Toge, and then looked to Maki again. “I will let you speak alone.” He glanced to Toge again. “My son is somewhat resistant, as I’m sure you can tell. Even though you cannot use cursed energy, I do not feel strongly about writing you off.”

Maki’s gaze was almost cold as she watched him. “Because I’m a Zen’in.”

“I would prefer he marry a woman,” he replied honestly. “A woman from a family who would honor and respect his abilities are even more preferred. His wife using cursed energy would be nice, I suppose, but amongst my other preferences, it is one of the last.”

Toge said nothing, and his facial expression did not budge. He remained impassive, though he twinged with irritation. He just had to wait. He reminded himself of this over and over. 

Maki looked to Toge next and tried to garner some sort of answer from his face, but Toge only stared back at her. “Alright,” she said, “I’ll speak to him. Though I’d prefer if Kugisaki remained with me.”

“Of course,” his father said. He stood, touched Toge’s shoulder lightly as he passed, and though it was intended to look friendly and affectionate, it wasn’t. It was a warning and it was a request.

Once they were alone, just the three of them, Maki seemed to relax minutely. “You can talk, I assume, more than you do.”

Toge nodded.

“You won’t curse me, will you?” Her tone was incredibly dry, as though she wasn’t nervous that he would.

Toge shook his head.

Maki leaned back on her hands and assessed him. “You can talk, won’t curse me, but refuse to speak?”

“I speak minimally.”

Maki smiled wryly and then looked at Kugisaki, who looked at her, too. “I get the impression Toge doesn’t want to marry me, Nobara.”

Kugisaki looked back at Toge with a similar smile to Maki’s. She tilted her head. “Don’t want to marry someone who can’t use cursed energy?”

Toge looked between them, pleased by their closeness. Something about it made him feel like he could trust her more. Perhaps it was because it reminded him of himself and Yuuta, or maybe because it made him feel that she wasn’t as committed to tradition as the rest of them were, and Toge needed someone like that to help him with Yuuta.

“Your father is desperate. I heard you only met with Kamo. Why is he desperate already?” Maki’s tone remained casual.

Toge considered. She was different, but that didn’t equate trustworthiness. 

“I assume it has to do with your personal guard’s absence.”

Her guess was accurate, and likely easy to make, considering their reputations. Toge remained silent, however. Information like that, to a family like the Zen’ins, was dangerous.

Maki looked to Kugisaki again. She smiled an amused smile. “I don’t want to marry you,” she said as she turned back to Toge. “Don’t worry.”

Toge wasn’t sure why that was meant to be entirely reassuring.

At his continually dubious expression, she rolled her eyes. “I can only assume that you have no intent of marrying me either. Neither does my father, so he won’t be offended or surprised. If anything, I think your father will be the only one disappointed or blindsided.”

Toge let out a slight scoff. He nodded his assent. 

“Yuuta doesn’t have a good reputation,” she said suddenly. “Why’s that, Nobara?”

“Why isn’t it?” Kugisaki said haughtily. “He does nothing becoming of a guard, or an attendant.”

“And what’s that?” Maki provoked.

“Manners, tact, commitment.”

Toge bristled at that. His brows furrowed as he looked at her.

“A-ha!” Maki laughed. “There it is. You have a reputation, too, don’t worry.”

“Indulgence and lack of discipline,” Kugisaki said drily, “if you were curious.”

Maki’s mirth was lingering, and even a little annoying. “Don’t worry,” she said again, “I’m not judging.”

“That’s not what I’m concerned about.”

“He speaks,” Kugisaki quipped.

“We don’t mean to offend,” Maki said. “We just want you to know that we know, so we aren’t expecting anything.”

Toge considered for only a moment longer. “I have no plans on marrying you, or anyone else,” he eventually said.

Maki’s smile broadened. “I thought so. Is that why Okkotsu was sent away?”

Toge shook his head. “No. It’s possible they suspect, but I don’t think they understand how I feel.”

“They thought it was just him?”

“Yes and no,” Toge said. “They know I am fond of him. They think I will follow along with what they say without his influence.”

“I see,” Maki said. “So when Okkotsu famously launched Kamo Noritoshi through a wall, no one picked up on the fact that you likely provoked it.”

Toge felt his face heat. Kugisaki laughed, covering her mouth with her hand.

Maki grinned.

“Yuuta is going to learn something valuable to his ability to use cursed energy,” Toge said, wanting to change the subject. “It’s the only reason he’s gone right now.”

“When is he meant to be back?” she asked.

“About eight weeks from now.”

Maki looked at Kugisaki again. They stared at one another for a long moment, before Maki sat up and then shifted over to whisper something into Kugisaki’s ear. Kugisaki nodded along, until Maki eventually pulled away. She nodded once more, with more finality. They looked at Toge.

“Wanna pretend to fall in love?” Maki asked.

___________

Maki didn’t care about her family, Toge had learned. She cared about her sister, and she got along well enough with her mother, but the fact that she couldn’t use cursed energy was a stain on her as a person, to them. She was essentially useless to them, and explained that realistically, her only use was to marry someone who wanted to have children who potentially carried some of the Zen’in genes. 

Nobara, Toge had learned, was quite talented at using cursed energy, but had always been on the bottom rung of those she trained with, which automatically had her getting the least amount of opportunities. She’d studied with an estranged Zen’in son, whose father was like Maki, and had left the clan to marry a regular woman. He was quite talented, Toge had learned, and that had automatically disqualified both Nobara and Maki from making many advancements, despite how useful they both could be.

It’d started with them training. Toge had told his father they had agreed to train together because Toge was curious how Maki explained that she could hold her own, even against some curse users, and so they began to spend time together. Toge had told his father that he had no intention of marrying her, so they could continue with meetings. All while this happened, he pretended to get closer to Maki, until they were described as friends.

This had intentionally been done, so that his father would not be suspicious when Toge asked to court Maki. Toge knew that if Yuuta heard of it, which he likely would, would be furious. But it felt like the path of least resistance. Actually marrying Maki was not a part of the plan. He figured Yuuta would understand.

It hadn’t been difficult to convince his parents it was genuine. They’d never seen him with anyone but Yuuta, and they attributed his attachment to Yuuta as influenced by Yuuta himself. His friendship with Maki was promising to them. It seemed that even if, on the chance they didn’t believe him at all, they didn’t want to waste the chance to set them up.

It was fun training with Maki. She didn’t hold back, and neither did Nobara. They agreed to not use curses while they trained, which Toge had done before, but not extensively. He only really did it with Yuuta, and it had always devolved into something more like play fighting. Yuuta was scared of hurting him.

Though it was fun to train, Toge missed Yuuta. He had struggled with him being gone the first two weeks, but after spending time with Nobara and Maki, he just missed him more. It almost felt better and less lonely to spend his days just thinking about him and ruminating on it. But having time away from those thoughts, distracting himself, enough that he’d feel the ghost of Yuuta’s presence and half expect him to be there when he turned around, made lying in his bed at night even lonelier.

Being without Yuuta felt like being a different person. It’d been so long since he’d been without him that he hadn’t considered how much he’d become Yuuta. He felt like half of himself was Yuuta, and without that part of him, he was unfinished, half-done. He wondered if Yuuta felt the same way. He wondered if being with someone as strong as Gojo Satoru opened his world to things he couldn’t have with Toge. 

He knew that being the Snake was important. It would be less important, when he didn’t make heirs. Guarding Toge would be less prestigious. Yuuta, who was as talented as Gojo Satoru, would waste so much, by being with Toge. Before he’d left, before that bubble had popped, Toge hadn’t thought of it like that. Now that Yuuta was gone, it was all he could think about.

Maki had met Gojo Satoru a few times, and she would remind Toge that Gojo had done the same thing. Gojo had not had any heirs, and he didn’t seem like he planned on it anytime soon. Maki had more information about him. She had told Toge that Gojo had gone through a similar trial. However, Gojo had always been the strongest. He’d never had to even pretend that he was going to try and marry anyone else.

She had told Toge of Geto Suguru. Just like how Nobara and Fushiguro Megumi had trained together with a few other same-aged curse users, so did Gojo. He’d trained with a few others—the current most powerful reverse curse technique user, Ieiri Shoko, and Geto Suguru. He had been from a non-curse using family, in a small village, but had wreaked so much havoc that he’d been immediately been brought in by the elders of the curse using clans. 

Geto Suguru, according to Maki, was just one wrong move from becoming an enemy to them all. She didn’t say how or why, but she seemed to feel that Geto Suguru was nefarious. Nobara had pointed out that this was based purely on the energy he gave off. Maki had acquiesced that Geto Suguru, though he had an eerie curse energy to him, was one of the most well-mannered people anyone had met.

Apparently, Gojo and Geto had been best friends while training together as kids. And even though no one felt that Geto necessarily had a fair place in the Gojo estate, there was no arguing it. And, like Nobara had pointed out, everyone liked him anyway. And it would have been a waste to disregard Geto’s curse using ability. According to them, Toge learned, Geto had always been considered second only to Gojo. Toge wasn’t surprised about this, but he wasn’t surprised that he’d never heard of it either. By the time Toge was old enough to even retain the names of those within the curse world, Yuuta had entered the lineup. Now, Maki speculated, Yuuta was likely to surpass Geto, if he hadn’t already.

It made Toge feel proud to hear about it like that. But it also made him sad, too. He found himself wanting to meet Geto and Gojo, just to see what that dynamic was like. He wanted to see if it was possible for him and Yuuta to live like that. Nobara had joked about Geto and Gojo being lovers, but the look on Maki’s face told Toge what he needed to know. They were, and anyone who thought not was an idiot.

__________

Yuuta was set to come back in two weeks, and Toge was planning on breaking the news to his father that he wanted to marry Maki, when he woke to the feeling of a hand sliding over his mouth.

Toge’s eyes snapped open and he jolted, only to feel his jaw stiff. He touched his mouth and looked over to see his father and mother standing beside his bed. 

There was a paper covering his lips, cursed energy radiating off of it. It was sealing his mouth shut, and he let out a muffled sound of surprise, scrambling up. His father tied his hands with his cursed rope, and his mother moved in front of him, holding his face and shushing him.

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” she assured. Her fingers stroked his cheeks. Her voice was urgent, and her eyes were glossy with a sheen of tears. “I’m sorry, Toge, I’m so sorry.”

He made another noise, but was unable to move his lips to form words. He looked between them, tugged on the rope, and felt a sting when he fought it. He panted through his nose.

His father rounded him and joined his mother, leaning in and also placing a hand on his face. “Yuuta is going to return soon,” he murmured quietly, urgently. “I wanted you to find someone you loved, but we do not have time.”

Toge’s heart pounded, thudding heavily in his chest.

“The Zen’in family is too good to pass up,” he continued, as though defending himself. “They will be able to protect you, just as well as Yuuta would be able to. And, blessedly, you seem to get along very will with Zen’in Maki. Her father and I agree. In exchange for the gift of giving them the Snake, he will assign their strongest as guards to you, who will interchange so that they might be able to still live their own independent lives.”

Toge felt a growing sense of dread. It felt cold, trickling through each vein.

“I am no fool—I know that Okkotsu Yuuta is unwilling to let you be wed, if he has any part in it. And I know that you will not ask him to live with it. You must let him go. You need to make heirs.”

You planned it, he wanted to accuse, from the moment you sent Yuuta away. Perhaps even from the moment you saw him throw Kamo Noritoshi off of me. His mouth was unable to utter the words.

“I know,” his mother said, sounding sympathetic. “It’s not fair.”

You’re hurting me, he wanted to say. If either of them could hear it just in the way he looked at them, it only made them feel ashamed. They both looked away, as though seeing the look in his eye was too much to bear. 

Toge was prepared, all while his hands were tied down, and his mouth sealed shut. He thought of Maki, and Nobara too, and how they were also likely being held down in some way. He hoped no one had hurt them. 

He didn’t fight while he was being prepared, because he couldn’t think of a plan, and he couldn’t speak either. Without his tongue, he felt useless. He’d never considered how easy it would have been to immobilize him. It was no wonder they’d sought out a guard for him the moment they discovered it. And it was no wonder Yuuta hardly slept, or slept in Toge’s room. Sleep, as it seemed Yuuta had anticipated, was when Toge was most vulnerable. It seemed no one foresaw that he was in danger of his own kin.

Toge knew, as the servants dressed him with difficulty around his tied hands, that if he were to oppose the union, he would have to oppose all, at once. And to oppose all meant to kill all. He could not commit to anything except compliance or massacre. 

As he pondered this, he pressed his tongue to the seal on his mouth. He pushed on it experimentally, and felt it sting him in response. His lips were sealed, but not the inside of his mouth. 

He turned to one of the servants. When she met his gaze, he formed a word, hummed out of his throat. Listen, he said.

She tilted her head. “What was that?”

Even with the cursed energy, she did not notice. His energy had been pouring out of him like displeased molasses ever since his parents had intercepted him in the morning. The gentle pulse of such an easy command was unnoticeable. Even still, Toge could feel it. He felt it latch onto her and make her listen. 

Toge just shook his head and turned away. The silence from the servants was telling. They did not feel good about this either.

When they were finished, and Toge was going to be taken to the ceremony, his servants stood before him and bowed. “Toge-sama,” one said. “We are sorry.”

Toge stared at them. If there was anything he could say, it would have been interrupted regardless. His father had entered the room and approached him from behind.

“Toge,” he said, voice low. “It’s time.”

Toge turned to look at him. 

His father looked pained for a moment, and then turned, holding Toge’s arm to draw him out. 

The fanfare was non-traditional, considering. They hadn’t been able to adequately prepare, to avoid him finding out sooner. It was almost scandalous, in Toge’s opinion, mirroring how a union might look for commoners who eloped. It almost made him laugh, since he knew this was embarrassing for both his father and Maki’s.

The walk was quiet and private. Toge’s father had a grip on his arm that was firm and guiding, almost painful.

Toge thought about Yuuta. He’d thought about Yuuta the whole day, really. Even when he wasn’t thinking about him, he was thinking about him. Though he knew that he could go along with it, he felt guilty at the thought of Yuuta discovering what happened and potentially endangering himself by confronting the Zen’ins. Toge wondered if the Zen’ins were even aware of what they were risking to anger Yuuta.

He also considered what would happen if for some reason, they convinced Gojo Satoru to stop him. And, if Gojo did it, would Geto, too? Could Yuuta defeat all of them at once?

“It saddens me that things turned out this way.”

Toge glanced at his father, and felt a rage that was difficult to contain. 

“When the Snake appeared, I was proud, but mainly afraid,” his father continued. “Not only were you immediately in more danger, but I knew that your life would center this ability, not your joy or happiness.”

Toge continued to walk, but was otherwise unmoving, as though no one had spoken. 

“I tried to shield you from that, for as long as possible. Though now, it is with regret that I reflect back on that time and realize all it did was shock you and hurt you more than I wished.”

Toge’s anger was heavy. It wasn’t like Yuuta’s displeasure, that plunged the air itself into darkness. His was coiling, poignant. He knew his father could feel it. It was likely choking him, wrapping around his throat.

“Toge,” he said, “if Yuuta responds well—there is no reason he cannot go with you. I know you are fond of him. If he can show his dedication to the Snake, I am certain the Zen’in clan would welcome him, too. Even eagerly, if they are able to entrust you back to him.”

Toge’s anger came to a fever pitch. Yuuta had never been dedicated to the Snake. He’d been dedicated to Toge. It was the most comforting thing about him. Yuuta had never treated Toge like he was protecting him out of duty, even despite Toge’s many fears that it was. Toge was not only fond of Yuuta. He needed him.

They entered the courtyard. 

His family was there, standing tense but attentive. The Zen’ins were there, too. He could tell by their stance, clothes, and the cursed energy that they were high in skill—he guessed they were the ones he was meant to be guarded by. Nobara was nowhere in sight. He supposed they wouldn’t bring her, especially if she had opposed any of it.

Toge felt a distant relief for that. 

He was taken to the shrine, and his father’s hand rested on the rope between his wrists. He remained behind him. Toge stood still, and stared straight ahead. Though all eyes were on him, he could hardly pay attention. There was a roaring in his ears. It all felt distant, like a dream. Just the night before, things had been normal. It was like he had stepped into another life the moment he’d fallen asleep, and had woken to it when he opened his eyes.

The rushing sound of water in his ears only faded once Maki was situated in front of him. She was also staring blankly, though not restrained. She hadn’t put up as much of a fight, it seemed, though the defeated and enraged look on her face was enough to make Toge assume they’d threatened Nobara somehow. 

Maki met Toge’s gaze, and she looked apologetic for a singular moment before it was clouded by anger once more.

The officiant looked to Toge’s father, as though asking permission to begin. Toge looked around once, and everyone stared at him. He turned to his father and implored him with his gaze one final time.

His father looked back at him. He caressed his face.

Toge loosened his jaw, moved his tongue, and let out a soft sound. Remove, his tongue said.

The hand on Toge’s face moved. His father’s eyes glazed over. The seal fell from Toge’s mouth.

“Crush,” he murmured. The curse pulsed on his tongue, weakening and tearing it as far down his throat his tongue could go.

His father scrunched unnaturally, his head caved in, and blood splattered across Toge’s face. Everyone sucked in a breath. The rope around his wrists loosened and fell from his hands without his father’s cursed energy.

Toge turned to the three Zen’in men. “Stop beating.”

They clutched their chests.

Toge looked to the officiant, who was shouting in alarm. “Asphyxiate.”

He turned away as the officiant began struggling for air. Toge looked to the curse users rushing around, looking conflicted and lost, from his own clan. “Explode.”

Toge’s mother was screaming at him to stop as she swiped desperately at her eyes where the blood had sprayed. Toge looked to Maki. “Run.”

She was gone the next moment.

Toge killed the curse users, and then he killed the non-curse users, and he killed his mother, and then the other Zen’ins, and then he killed the servants who had rushed in at the commotion. 

He called out a loud, general command, though his throat was torn and bloody already, “Stop!”

The courtyard, and the estate, was doused in silence. Toge killed all the rest, until blood was dribbling out of his mouth and down his throat in a steady stream. His commands turned croaky, weak, though his cursed energy remained strong.

And when it was completely silent, without the influence of his command, Toge stepped over the bodies, made his way to the entrance to the estate, crossed under the arch, and ran.

__________

Gojo Satoru was not, ironically, very far from the Inumaki estate. Just like he wasn’t far from the Inumaki estate, neither was the Zen’in estate. Toge did not have much time until someone from the Zen’in estate grew suspicious at the lack of word, or caught Maki, and went to check.

Toge stayed out of the streets, but had to be near to them in order to make sure he was taking the right away to the Gojo estate. He remembered the way, from when he’d met him once long ago, but it was not a particularly familiar route.

He felt desperate to see Yuuta. It’d been weeks since he’d seen him, which was enough for him to feel a building anticipation, but after having killed everyone, he felt afraid. He was desperate, and the pain in his throat worsened it. He wondered even if he would be able to say anything for weeks.

Oddly, it left Toge only able to think about how upset Yuuta would be that he’d done so much damage.

When he came upon the scaling walls of the estate, he felt a relieved sob make its way up his torn throat. He stumbled along the uneven terrain of the outside, until he found the opening and stumbled in. The archway was the only opening, and it opened up to a narrow, horizontal path. Parallel to the opening was another wall.

He stumbled to a stop however, when he saw that high up on that wall, sitting casually in one of the large circular windows, was a man.

The man was watching Toge, posture casual.

“Oh my,” he said. His voice was gentle and unobtrusive. “What a mess.”

Toge looked down. His clothes were stained with blood in almost every way, but especially along his collar, where the blood from his mouth had dripped out and soaked in. He looked back up. He wanted to speak, but it hurt to even part his lips. 

The man hopped down and landed gracefully on the gravel. He stood before Toge, non-threatening, but assessing. He had long hair, half tied up into a bun. He wore dark tobi, a plain dark shirt, and a dark haori. It made him look both decadent and suited for fighting at the same time. 

“Inumaki Toge,” the man said, smiling. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Toge pointed to his throat, hoping it explained enough. He also did not want to speak and startle the man into feeling he was being influenced.

The man looked at his throat and back up at his face. “I can only imagine what caused this.”

Toge bristled. “Yuuta,” he croaked out.

The man smiled a little wider. “He is deep in the estate right now. Training with Satoru.”

The casual way he spoke his name alerted Toge to his identity. Geto Suguru.

Nobara and Maki were right—his cursed energy was unique. Almost like an aftertaste more than a presence. Its ambiguity was unsettling, though his behavior was non-threatening.

“Yuuta,” Toge croaked again. He swallowed as more blood bubbled out and down his throat.

“I hope you understand,” Geto began, “allowing you inside given your current state would be irresponsible of me. Please allow me to take you inside and help you clean up. While we do this, I can ask you some questions.”

Panic welled up within Toge. He stared at him, breath quickening. He just had to get to Yuuta. If he could get to Yuuta, it’d be fine. 

Geto’s smile faded, and he frowned. “What is it, Inumaki-san?”

Toge stared at him, weighed his limited options, and blurted out before he could truly weigh everything, “Plummet.”

Geto’s eyes widened for a singular moment, and then he was gone. He plummeted into the ground, and into the gravel, taking him down meter by meter. Toge thought he saw something beneath Geto out of the corner of his eye, but didn’t waste time looking. He ran further into the estate, coughing out another burst of blood. It choked him on his way out and he had to swallow some and spit out the rest.

He ran through the courtyard, and through the buildings. There weren’t many people around in the front, so he was lucky enough to not have to incapacitate anyone. But once he got further in, he started to see servants catch sight of him, alarmed, and rush off without confronting him.

Toge had no idea how to find him. He stopped in what seemed to be the middle of the estate. There were a few winding pathways, all leading to a fountain and seating area in the middle, and he breathed heavily as he walked through, and then began to run further in. He had no idea if their training consisted of traditional training grounds, or if he was in medical units.

Eventually, he came to a stop when he had found the training grounds, and Yuuta wasn’t there. He heaved in breaths, staring at the empty field. His breaths came quicker and quicker. 

“Yuuta!” He called, though it was pitifully quiet and weak, and in the middle of the word, he choked and coughed. Please, he thought. Please.

As he stood there, helpless, a familiar feeling of cold dread was filling the air. Toge felt it coming from another section of the training grounds, like a separate area, covered by vegetation. He followed it, as though his body became tethered to that feeling the moment he felt it. 

Toge wandered after it, so relieved that he had started to feel dizzy. The pain, the blood loss, the mere reality of everything, began to settle in now that he was faced with the only thing that had ever felt good. 

He rounded the hedges, stepped over the flowers and plants, until he was walking upon an enclosed field. 

And there he was. 

Yuuta was sitting not far from the engawa, in the grass, legs crossed, posture straight. He seemed to be meditating, alone, with his back toward the house.

Toge stared at him, and his eyes filled. 

Yuuta straightened further, as though sensing him, and he lifted his head. He turned.

His face, when his eyes settled on Toge, morphed into something horrified. The all-familiar plunge of cold dread sunk the estate.

“Toge?” He said, strangled, choked, and he was up and in front of Toge in a moment. “What happened?!” He cried desperately, hands on his arms, his shoulders, his face, his waist. “Toge!” 

Toge blinked at him, and didn’t know where to begin, or if he even could.

“Toge!” he repeated, sounding utterly anguished. 

Toge sucked in a breath. He turned and wretched up all of the blood he’d swallowed since he had started cursing people. 

Yuuta made another despairing sound, hands on him as he caught him and held him. He cried out over and over, asking him what happened, what was going on, if he was ok. “What’s happening? Toge, Toge, oh my gods, what’s happening?! No, no, no, tell me you’re ok, please, tell me you’re alright, please, please!”

Toge was half kneeling on the ground, half held up in Yuuta’s hands, a dazed awareness to him. He wanted to comfort him. “Yuuta,” he choked out, past the remaining dribbling blood from his mouth. 

“What’s happening?” Yuuta wept. “This is a dream, it has to be a dream.”

Toge turned, gripping tight to Yuuta’s sleeve, using it for leverage to right himself. He registered then that Yuuta’s body, firm and strong, was beneath his hands. He pitched forward and buried his face into Yuuta’s shoulder. He clutched at him, arms coming up to wrap around him and hold on to his clothes.

“Toge,” Yuuta sobbed. 

“Ok,” Toge managed through his own heaving breaths. “Ok, ok, ok.”

“You aren’t, you are not ok,” Yuuta wheezed out, holding to Toge even tighter. His hand was on the back of his head, fingers in his hair, and even that, as desperate as it was, felt so relieving to him.

“Snake,” Toge whispered. “Just the snake.”

Yuuta pulled back slightly and Toge held on, an involuntary whimper escaping him. Yuuta shushed soothingly and remained close. “I’m here,” he whispered, voice cracking. His face was wet with tears. “It’s ok,” he continued in a breath. “I can heal you now, I’m going to heal you.”

Toge stared at him, really looked at him, and despite everything, felt incandescently happy. 

Yuuta leaned in, nose touching his as his hand moved from the back of Toge’s head to his throat. “Don’t worry,” he whispered again. “I’ll heal you.”

The clash of Yuuta’s cursed energy and the unfamiliar one was jarring. Toge jolted, and without thinking, clutched to Yuuta again, hugging him and hiding his face in Yuuta’s throat.

Yuuta stiffened. “Sensei,” he said, voice black. “You know I mean no disrespect when I say if you take one more fucking step towards us, I’ll kill you.”

The response was short laughter. “Understood.” Silence for a moment. “However, I highly recommend you do not heal him.”

Yuuta turned more stiff somehow. “Why?” he snarled.

“The first person you test your ability on probably shouldn’t be on the throat of your most important person.”

Yuuta remained stiff for several more moments before he deflated somewhat. “Then I’m taking him to Ieiri-sensei.”

“Not possible, at the moment.”

Yuuta’s head whipped around. “Why not?” he snapped.

“I see a whole lot of Inumaki Toge and not enough of Suguru.” 

Toge turned stiff that time.

“Where is Suguru?” Gojo Satoru asked, voice just as black as Yuuta’s. “He should have been at the front gate.”

Toge lifted his head. Yuuta gripped onto him, but Toge looked at Gojo, who was already staring at him with a cool gaze. His cursed energy was oppressive in such a different way than Yuuta’s. Gojo Satoru’s cursed energy was what Toge imagined it’d be like to be on the sun. It was sweltering, overwhelming, and loud.

“No need to deny the poor boy,” a voice said, interrupting. The weight of Gojo’s energy waned. Geto stepped onto the field from the same route Toge had taken. Toge gripped Yuuta’s shirt tighter. “I’m here, Satoru.”

Toge turned his head to look. Geto was dirty, and he had blood dripping down his forehead, but was otherwise unscathed. Toge felt perplexed. He hadn’t meant to hurt him, but he hadn’t expected him to seem so unperturbed. 

Gojo’s gaze was on Toge again. “Did you do this?”

“Ah, ah,” Geto cut in. “No need for all of that.”

“Suguru,” Gojo said, dangerously close to a whine. “You’re bleeding.”

“Oh?” Geto looked down at himself. Gojo moved to him and touched Geto’s forehead, where the blood had dripped. “I see. I think a rock cut me.”

“A rock,” Gojo deadpanned.

Geto turned to look at Toge and smiled wryly. “I’ll forgive him, since he was clearly in distress, and I’m impressed with his ability.”

“What happened?” Gojo strained.

“He sent me about twenty-five meters into the ground,” Geto mused. “I used a curse to soften the blow. A stray rock must have hit my head in the meantime.”

“Toge,” Yuuta said, strangled. “Why did you do that to your voice? You’ve clearly hurt yourself—”

“He came like this,” Geto said, nearing them and crouching down beside them.

Yuuta was up and away in a moment, holding Toge to himself. “Don’t,” he strained. Then he paused. “…He came like this.”

Geto hadn’t moved from his crouched position. He looked to Yuuta and nodded. “Yes.”

Gojo’s heavy energy dissipated into nothing, and the feeling of just Yuuta’s was a relief. Toge slumped into his arms again. 

“Toge,” he whispered, mouth against his hair, near his ear. “What happened?”

Toge pressed his face into Yuuta’s jaw. His mouth parted. His throat and mouth ached and burned so hard he sucked in a strangled breath, and passed out.

__________

When Toge’s eyes opened next, he was comfortable. The brief, practically non-existent bliss of ignorance vanished, but he still felt immensely better than when he’d shut his eyes. His throat didn’t hurt. He even tested it by moving his tongue with hardly a twitch, but it didn’t twinge. He swallowed. Nothing.

He was staring at a dark wood ceiling, so he twisted his head just slightly and looked down.

Yuuta’s head was hung at his side, by his hand. He was kneeling beside the futon Toge was lying on top of. He was holding Toge’s hand, mouth and nose pressed to the back of it. 

Awareness came to Toge fully, and he jolted in alarm.

“Yuuta!” He cried. Yuuta jerked upright, eyes wild, as Toge scrambled up. Yuuta’s hands held him, seemingly unsure whether to keep him lying down or to help him sit up.

“Toge,” he replied, strangled. “Stop, stop, take it easy.”

“No, we have to go, we need to go,” Toge said urgently. “How long was I unconscious?” His fingers dug into Yuuta’s arm.

Yuuta stared at him for a moment, swallowing, as his hand came up and caressed Toge’s face. “Not long,” he eventually said, voice tight, like he was speaking past a lump in his throat.

“How long?” Toge repeated urgently. 

“Hm,” came a third voice. “What has you in such a rush? Does it have to do why you came to the estate covered in blood?”

Yuuta sent a dark look in the direction Toge looked next. Gojo and Geto both were standing on the other side of the room, looking to have just re-entered, likely when they heard Toge wake. Toge had no idea what to expect from either of them, and how they would react to the information that Toge needed to share with Yuuta.

Toge looked back to Yuuta, and lowered his voice. “We must go,” he insisted, more quietly.

Yuuta frowned at him, searching his face. “It’s alright, Toge, I trust them. Tell me what happened. We can take care of it.”

“How long has it been since I passed out?” Toge asked again.

“About an hour,” Geto replied. He walked further into the room. “I know that you came from the woods and not the road. I heard you.”

Yuuta squeezed Toge’s hand. “What happened?”

Toge hoped that he would not think differently of him. “The Zen’in clan will come here,” he said, croaked. “We must go, and then I can explain.”

“Here?” Gojo asked, following after Geto. He crouched at the end of Toge’s futon and looked at him. His eyes were an alarming shade of bright blue, and it made Toge feel pierced through. “My estate?”

Toge nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry.”

“If they are coming here, I’d rather know the context before I send you both to run off together.”

Toge shut his eyes for a moment, sucked in a deep breath, and then nodded. He looked at Yuuta. He considered where to start as he looked down at their hands. He turned, shifting up to rest on his knees. He held both of Yuuta’s hands, for he knew the information he would have to begin with would upset him. 

“Let me explain everything,” Toge said. 

Yuuta’s eyes glazed over and he let the command take him. He nodded, though even as he did so, his hand slid up Toge’s arm and came to rest on Toge’s throat. 

“Shortly after you left to come here, I was set up with Zen’in Maki,” he said. “She does not use cursed techniques, so their family did not take the offer seriously, even though my father was very interested in me marrying her.” Yuuta twitched, but the cursed order was still holding him. “She knew that I was not planning on marrying her. We decided to pretend to get along and enjoy each other’s company. I was hoping to keep my father occupied with this, since it would not go anywhere, until you returned.”

Yuuta’s jaw was tight, but he nodded along. 

“I did not know they had planned for something else.” Toge squeezed his hands harder, more with the intent to keep him still. “Their plan was to force us to marry. My father had struck a deal with Maki’s father. In exchange for marrying their non-curse using daughter, they were going to offer their three strongest to trade off guarding me in the Zen’in estate.”

Yuuta stiffened and broke out of the command. His eyes turned dark. “What?”

Toge squeezed his hands harder. “They were going to take the two weeks remaining of your training to keep me there and prepare for when you returned and discovered this. My father was hoping that you would understand where they were coming from, and prove that you could be trusted to become my guard again.”

Gojo blew out a breath. “Phew,” he sighed. He pushed up and went to lean against the wall beside Geto, who was watching Toge with his arms crossed. 

Yuuta was rigid. His hands began to squeeze Toge’s in return, painfully tight. His energy was so heavy it felt difficult to breathe.

“They took me this morning,” Toge continued, more weakly then. “My parents sealed my mouth shut before I woke. My father used his rope on my hands. They prepared me and took me to the ceremony where Maki was also forced to attend.”

Yuuta’s expression was entirely blank.

“Yuuta,” Geto said, tone warning. “Remember how he came to us. Let him finish.”

Toge escaped one of Yuuta’s hands so that he could touch his face. “Yuuta,” he said, croaking. “I—” Toge swallowed once, then twice. He let out a quivering breath. “I killed them.”

Yuuta’s hand held on to his wrist, and his expression twitched.

“I killed my father, and the person marrying us, and my mother, and my servants, and my family, and every Zen’in in attendance.”

Yuuta’s mouth parted, and he blinked dumbly. 

Geto chuckled and uncrossed his arms. Gojo laughed, too.

“I let Maki go,” Toge said weakly. “I told her to run. I think she will go back to the estate to find her attendant. She’s smart, and can fight well, even without curses. But if they catch her, or when it’s been long enough without word, they’ll go to the Inumaki estate, and find everyone dead.”

Yuuta sucked in a breath, sharp and sudden, as though he hadn’t breathed for a while. “Toge.”

“I’m sorry,” he said weakly, pitching toward him. “I’m sorry, Yuuta, I made so many problems for us, but I didn’t know what else to do, and I was afraid if you found out and came, they’d be ready and do something to hurt you.”

Yuuta leaned in and wrapped his arms around him. His chin tucked over Toge’s shoulder. He held the back of his head, as he often did when he was trying to soothe him. He turned his face to press his mouth to the side of Toge’s head. “Don’t apologize, Toge,” he whispered fiercely. “If you hadn’t, I only would have gone to slaughter them myself.”

Toge pressed his face into his shoulder and let out a deep, long breath. He’d felt as though he’d been holding it, since the moment Yuuta had left to go to the Gojo estate. “They will come here. If we leave, it should be ok—they can tell the Zen’ins that they had no idea, and you just left with me when I came.”

Yuuta held to him tighter and turned to look at Gojo and Geto. 

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” Gojo said, sounding put out. “I wouldn’t sell you out.”

“Especially over something he would do, too,” Geto piped in.

“I’m no hypocrite!” Gojo said cheerfully. 

Toge lifted his head and turned to look at them, too. “I’m sorry,” he said to the both of them.

Geto waved his hand dismissively.

“I am,” Toge insisted. “And I’m sorry I made you… go underground. I was afraid you wouldn’t let me in.”

Geto’s smile was small, but genuine. He tilted his head curiously. “No harm done.”

“There was harm, actually,” Gojo said in that same cheerful tone, “and I’m not very happy about that.”

Yuuta’s arms tightened. 

“It sounds like your ability punished you for me,” Gojo said. “So I’ll let it go this time.”

Geto turned, posture relaxed, but suddenly struck out and grabbed a fistful of Gojo’s hair. “Shut up, Satoru,” he said.

Gojo whined and pulled on his hand. 

Toge looked up at Yuuta, who smiled sheepishly. “I trust them,” he assured. He bent down and put his lips to Toge’s ear. “Have you noticed how few people are in this estate?”

Toge thought back to how he managed to run through the estate unbothered for so long. At his nod, Yuuta continued. 

“They tried to kick Geto-sensei out once,” Yuuta murmured, “when they felt that Gojo-sensei’s lack of marrying had to do with him. Gojo-sensei killed almost everyone.”

Toge swallowed hard. He looked over again, and tried to conjure up an image of that while watching Geto fix Gojo’s hair while Gojo pouted at him.

Yuuta turned Toge’s face back to his own. He held his cheek, peering at him closely. “Are you alright?”

Toge blinked a few times and then considered. “I don’t know.”

Yuuta hummed.

“I feel like I’m in shock,” Toge whispered.

Yuuta nodded, and stroked his cheek with his thumb. “You did what you could.”

“I killed everyone,” Toge said. “Perhaps I hadn’t needed to kill them all.”

Yuuta was quiet for a moment, and then he leaned in. His nose touched Toge’s, and his eyes slid shut. He breathed in deeply through his nose. “The moment they decided to do this, they sealed their own fate. Whether by your hand or mine, today was destined to be their last day on earth.”

Toge’s fingers tightened on him.

“Toge,” he said lowly, sweetly, “I missed you.”

His eyes filled, and when he closed his lids, the tears spilled over and gathered under Yuuta’s thumbs. “Missed you,” he said miserably. “Missed you a lot.”

Yuuta’s mouth touched his, and he let out a sigh that sounded almost like a moan. The kiss was sweet and indulgent, like a delayed greeting. After a few moments, however, he started to kiss Toge more urgently. “I was so worried,” he said, muffled against him. “Gods, when I saw you, standing there, covered in blood—I—it felt like I was going to die.”

Toge wrapped his arms around his neck and shoulders and hugged him, even though their mouths were still connected. “Sorry, Yuuta, sorry.”

“And then you threw up so much blood,” he choked out, pressing insistent, desperate kisses against Toge’s jaw, cheek, and mouth.

“I think we’re getting a little side-tracked,” Gojo called out.

Toge pulled back a little bit, head fuzzy from the attention, and the relief. He tucked his face away, embarrassed at the fact Gojo and Geto had stood there the entire time. Yuuta’s energy shifted as he turned his head to look at him, and Toge could only imagine the hostile expression on his face.

Yuuta turned back to Toge. He began to shift. “Toge, are you feeling well enough to stand?”

“Yes,” Toge said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Who healed me?”

“Ieiri-sensei,” Yuuta murmured, standing and pulling Toge up with him. “Well, for most of it.”

Gojo approached and clapped Yuuta on the shoulder. “He was insufferable,” he said brightly. “Almost tried to kill me after you passed out.”

Yuuta’s face turned red, and Toge was fascinated by the sight of it. He found his mouth turning up, despite how heavy his heart had been feeling. “That sounds like him,” Toge said quietly.

Yuuta shrugged Gojo off. “I need to learn how to heal you, so I made Ieiri-sensei show me and watch over me while I helped heal you.”

Toge touched his face. “Good job, Yuuta,” he murmured. “Thank you.”

Yuuta turned pinker, and his eyes turned teary. 

Geto approached then, coming up close beside Gojo. “You should go,” he murmured. “As you said, Inumaki-san, the Zen’ins will come here when they have discovered the bodies. It’s best your residual cursed energy is long gone.”

Yuuta peered down at Toge, eyes still misty, but determined and nervous. “Toge, I have to tell you something.”

Toge nodded at him, nervous at Yuuta’s nerves.

“While I’ve been here, I also have arranged for a place for us to go, in the case you ever wanted to… run away with me.”

Toge gripped onto his shirt, and nodded insistently before Yuuta was done explaining what and where it was. “Yes,” he said. “Yuuta, yes.”

Yuuta’s tears bubbled over. He hugged Toge close, buried his face into Toge’s throat and let out a pitiful sob, as though he’d worried over whether Toge would say yes. 

“Of course,” Toge said, raspy with his own welling up of tears. He felt so relieved. “Let’s go, let’s go.”

“We’ll never be able to come back,” Yuuta said, voice wet.

“Don’t care,” Toge replied. “Don’t care at all, just want you. You and me, Yuuta.”

“Always together,” Yuuta said.

Toge squeezed his eyes shut. “Always together.”