Chapter Text
There are days when the house is filled with music, with Grace dancing around and cleaning the place while I sit on the couch watching Star Wars (which apparently has a lot of parts as well as a series? And that is all according to Grace, and he has seen every one of them). This leads to me watching Grace dance with a broom, singing into the neck of it.
It’s pretty entertaining to watch; I almost forget that I was actually watching something on the screen and just accept the fact that Grace’s music is louder than the speakers of the TV. I end up watching him dance around the living room, accidentally stubbing his toe a few times and tripping over the coffee table.
He’s making more mess than cleaning, but I’m not going to say that to the person who owns the place where I’m lounging. I just keep quiet, even when Grace turns to me, singing along to the music and dancing around amusingly. His notes are completely off and don’t even align with the music he’s playing.
I know for sure Rocky would hate being here.
“So, I made this thing. This one already pretty much existed on Earth, but look here.” Grace starts, sitting in the chair in front of me as he shows me a new tumbler. This time, he’s inserting something over the nozzle where I usually lean over to drink.
“It’s fruit-scented. Basically, it’s fooling our brains into thinking we’re drinking juice. Try it.” Grace hands it to me, and I smell citrus as I drink. Somehow, I feel like the water I’m drinking starts to almost taste sour.
How the hell—
“How?” I pop the straw out of my mouth and give Grace a furrowed look. I had to open the tumbler to check if it’s still water—yep, it is.
“It’s the smell, my dear Watson.” Grace says, looking proud (I finally understand his references). “So, aside from fruit, you can also add other smells, like… actual food smells?” I ask, drinking more of the water.
It feels a little pathetic that Grace went as far as to make me something like this because I can’t stomach anything that isn't water.
“Yep, but that doesn’t mean we’re stopping until we find a reason why you can’t eat.” Grace snaps his fingers at me, and I snort.
He’s doing too much for me; I don’t know why. I’m fine with drinking bland water that ranges from cold to warm and even hot. I don’t think I even minded it in the first place.
“You don’t have to do this. You’re wasting your time.” I say, as Grace waves a hand at me, looking like he’s tempted to grab my lips and tie them in a knot.
“No way, man. We’re doing this because we want to, not because we have to. The sooner we find the reason why you can’t eat normal food, the sooner you can gain weight. You’re getting lighter and lighter. It’s getting worrisome.” Grace sighs as I look at my hand.
It’s not that much of a change. I think I’ve been more hydrated here than ever; I barely got any food or water back in the COI cells. They were all timed and properly measured so that no resources were wasted on us inmates.
So if anything, this is too much for me already. He’s doing a bit too much, but I don’t say that. Grace gets excited when he gives me something new.
He goes to his class after that, leaving me alone in the house. I don’t sleep this time—in fact, I haven't been feeling tired or hungry at all.
Maybe Grace’s hibernation theory is right—but I’m not an animal, but you know, it’s whatever. The alternate universe feels crazier, but I’m choosing to believe it. Why can’t I believe in the hibernation theory?
Grace keeps the ECT around just in case I fall into a deep sleep again, but lately, I’ve been sleeping a normal eight human hours, no longer oversleeping for half a day.
I walk around the shores after I take a bath, play around in the ocean, kicking the water that ranges from cold to warm, and enjoying the sunlight. I see a few Eridians walking by and heading towards the Lab, chirping at me as I hesitantly wave at them, and they always cheerfully do the same.
I guess there’s no more problem with me and them now, right? I hope so.
I want to visit the Lab and the botany garden that Grace has been talking about. So I do; I follow a really tall eridian who chirps at me and opens the door for me with some kind of small screen in their claws—maybe it’s the lock to the Lab. It makes sense; it’s inaccessible to outsiders just in case Eridians who aren’t meant to be here get inside the dome.
“Botany garden?” I ask a random eridian who chirped and pointed toward the elevator, then pointed a claw upwards.
Okay. I can work with that information.
I hitched a ride with a couple of Eridians who were walking to the elevator. I had to physically squish myself into the corner of the elevator to give more Eridians space as I stood there until I reached the very top of the lab.
The elevator door opens, and I see a large area full of trees, or at least half-grown trees in soil, with sprinkler systems and solar panels (as Grace explained) above them to flash a much stronger light if the fake sun above isn’t enough. The ceiling is made of glass, and there are a few Eridians walking around, checking each tree.
And wow—there are… a lot of trees. It makes me feel slightly emotional that they were able to do something like this on a planet that can’t even nurture Earth life. I don’t bother any Eridian and just walk around silently, looking at the trees. Not all of them are the same; some look smaller, some larger.
They are green—so green, like Grace’s original tree at the back of his house. This all came from branches? I didn’t even know that was possible at all. In fact, I had no idea you could take a branch from a tree to grow another tree. Maybe it wasn’t; Grace and the Eridians just found another way for this to happen. I look around more.
The Eridians don’t seem to mind me hovering over them, watching their work or touching the leaves of a few trees here and there. There is even a green Eridian who handed me some gloves and a mask. I’m not sure why, but I put them on anyway.
Maybe it's to keep the trees safe and healthy. I watch the Eridians work; they all seem so eager to care for these trees. I mean, I am too—pretty eager to watch the trees.
The botany garden here smells fresh, and the place itself is large. There are a few rooms where the Eridians enter to learn more about the trees; they cut them into pieces and study them while I watch from behind the glass.
“Simon feeling fine. Question?” I hear a familiar voice and the familiar high trill of notes as I turn to see Adrian.
He works here?
“Yeah—uh, do you work around here?” I ask, surprised as Adrian wiggles a little at that. “Adrian works here. Adrian works in lab,” he says, pointing a claw around the place as I nod. He’s a scientist like Grace then. “Oh—okay—okay, that’s amazing… Uhm, trees, they’re good,” I say awkwardly, pointing at the trees as Adrian lets out a happy croon, motioning for me to follow him as he walks away—and wow, he’s fast.
The last time I spoke to him was before my coma—not coma—and he wasn’t really given the space to run around in Grace’s house. If anything, he seems kind of relaxed. Now he’s running around, showing me things about the trees, the upgrades that Adrian helped with, as well as the fact that Adrian plans to make a Great Tree that they can station here in the small Earth dome and out on Erid, where it can survive their atmosphere.
I listen to Adrian talk and explain everything, how the systems work, the sprinkler, where they get the water, and so on. I try my best to follow, and I’m a bit thankful that Adrian might be dumbing everything down for me so I can easily follow the conversation and ask the right questions when he starts losing me.
Even if he’s losing me, I don’t think I’d actually admit that. It’s a bit embarrassing that everything he’s telling me feels a bit elementary, and here I am having a pretty hard time understanding the processes.
We eventually fall into quiet as I watch Adrian study a sample branch from an older tree in the garden. I like it here; it’s peaceful, and there are so many trees that I can’t count them on both hands and feet. I like everything around here, even if we’re just inside a dome that has fake Earth things.
I sit on a stool, looking over Adrian's shoulder—erm, do Eridians have shoulders? I mean, they have five legs—arms—hands. Whatever.
“So what do you see?” I ask, looking at Adrian. “Tree is healthy, very, very healthy. Good, good, good. Plan to see how tree fares in Eridian atmosphere,” Adrian says, and I nod at that. I watch him for a while, hearing him trill and croon. The translator doesn’t pick it up, but I don’t mind; I think he’s just making noises—like a human humming basically.
“Oh yeah… uh, congratulations… with the baby—with Rocky,” I say awkwardly as Adrian pauses, his claws on the handrail as he turns to me. “Rocky tell Simon. Question,” Adrian asks. I nod, “Yeah, he mentioned it to me that he’s pregnant.” Adrian seems glad at that, wiggling where he stands excitedly. “Adrian happy, Rocky tell Simon. Grace knows Rocky carry offspring and became leaky. Simon leak too. Question?” Adrian asks.
I laugh at that—snorting. Me crying? I mean, well, I do cry, but I’m not dramatic like Grace. Did he really cry because Rocky is pregnant? God…
“No, no, I’m not going to cry, but I am really happy for you and Rocky. So I want to congratulate you,” I say as Adrian lets out a happy croon at that.
“Adrian also happy. Rocky been gone for many, many years. Adrian sad and believed Rocky died along with crew. Could not get a new mate. Adrian loves Rocky very much, Adrian could not do well without mate. Life lost meaning.” Adrian says, and I nod empathetically at that.
It must be hard for Adrian to think that his husband died… I can’t imagine loving someone whom I believe could be dead. I think I'd go crazy. “Well, it's great that Rocky is alive, huh? Now you guys get to have a family. I’m happy for you two,” I said with a small smile as Adrian cooed at that, making jazz hands as I awkwardly copied him, shooting him a nervous smile.
Adrian let out a few notes that sounded like a laugh or a giggle, and I snorted at that.
“Simon and Grace, mate. Question?” Adrian asked, and I blinked at him.
I must have heard that wrong. “Is the translator broken?” I pointed at the black clip on Adrian’s suit as he tapped it with his claws for a moment. “Translator works great. Adrian asks Simon and Grace if mate,” he said, and I cleared my throat, making an 'ehem' sound.
That’s awkward.
Is Adrian asking that since we’re the only humans in this place, and somehow being called mates is the most obvious thing in the world?
“Uhhhh, as far as I’m concerned, no. No,” I repeated, feeling like I was standing on uneven ground as Adrian chirped sadly. “No mate, why? Question,” Adrian asked, making a sound that resembled a sigh of disappointment. “Grace has been lonely for many, many years. In Mary, Grace has Rocky. But that’s not enough, not human. Now in Erid, much lonely. But Simon comes and now Grace is very happy. Why not mate question?” Adrian continued.
That’s a lot of words—it took me a while to process the whole statement and the question afterward.
Uhh, why not mate? That’s a really… really unnecessary question, I think.
“No idea,” I replied. I felt a bit embarrassed talking about this. I don’t really like discussing people behind their backs. Maybe it’s part of Eridian culture to be very, very nosy, considering they can hear everything in this dome.
“Simon wants mate Grace. Question?” Adrian asked.
“No,” I said quickly, as Adrian chirped. “Lie, lie, lie, lie; Simon likes Grace. Like Adrian likes Rocky. Mate, mate, mate,” Adrian said, letting out a loud note of laughter.
I’m being teased by an alien spider rock. This can’t be happening. I do not like Grace. I admire him, yes; he’s a good man, much better than me. But I do not like Grace or want to be mates with him. Is that hard to understand?
Oh God, maybe I need to get out of here.
Adrian looked like he was having fun teasing me, and it felt completely unfair. “Grace likes Simon, yes, yes, yes,” he said.
“Grace doesn’t like Simon. No, no, no,” I replied, sighing and breathing through my nose as Adrian chirped, laughing at me. My face felt a bit warm as I rubbed my face with the palm of my hand while Adrian continued to bother me about Grace and being mates.
The trees were completely forgotten.
I said I liked it here in the botany garden—scratch that; I hate it here.
—
I wake up. There is no more light outside the window, and I’m lying on my side. For a moment, I’m a bit confused about why I’m awake. I slept around midday and didn’t join Grace for dinner (I still can’t eat; it’s just for pretense, and I think it helps Grace eat more than normal if I’m there for some reason).
I slept much earlier, which is why I guess I’m awake now. For a moment, I lie there, staring out the window at the fake moon they created for the dome. Grace’s room is bathed in faint yellow light, not fully dark (mostly because I hate too much darkness, and Grace has overhead lights that don’t bother my eyes most of the time).
Eventually, I turn to my other side to check the time. It’s past midnight, and now I’m awake. My sleeping schedule is completely messed up, and as Grace mentioned, I need to reset my sleep. This means I seriously need to do something important around here to keep myself busy and stop sleeping so much.
I stand from the bed, groaning a bit when my shoulder creaks—this is what I get for being a side sleeper. With the new upgrade that leaves me paralyzed while sleeping, I can’t even automatically move around in bed. I’m like a big piece of stone (joke not intended for the Eridians, I swear).
The house is dark; only the kitchen is bathed in soft yellow light. I wash up in the bathroom—just a shower, not a long bath in the tub. It wakes me up even more. I drink a lot of water that Armando handed to me, the tumbler scented with apple as I drink from it. My hunger abates for a while as I turn toward the living room, which is darker than the rest of the house.
I walk toward it for a moment and see Grace on the couch, sleeping on his side with his back facing me. Papers litter the coffee table, along with a half-finished coffee mug and another empty mug beside it. There are a few scattered bits of paper on the floor, which I pick up and shuffle into a stack.
The papers are notes—I try not to notice how my chest warms at the sight of them. They are all about trying to find the reason why I can’t eat normal human food. It’s all about me…
It makes me feel a bit flattered but also worried that Grace is spending too much time on this. I don’t think I’m that important.
I don’t know how they’re supposed to go, so I hope I’m not messing with anything as I clean the coffee table. I grab Grace’s blanket from the side, flipping it open and draping it over him, leaving his head poking out, his blond hair standing up in all directions.
Between the couch cushions and his face, I can see his glasses trapped there. I swipe them up without him waking and place them on the coffee table with the others. I take the two mugs and let Armando wash them clean in the kitchen. Then I decide to sit on the other couch and watch Grace sleep.
This is how Eridians do it, right?
I would have thought Rocky would be here, but then again, he’s nursing a kid, so maybe he’s with his mate. That means no one is here to watch over Grace.
I guess I’ll take on Rocky’s position for a while until he has his kid.
It’s not weird, right? I mean, Grace is fine with Rocky, so surely he’s fine with me doing this for him? Grace already does it for me (granted, it’s for my health, not really for comfort), and I don't think Grace would keel over and die all of a sudden.
But I just want to repay Grace for watching over me and trying his best to make me comfortable here in this place while I do nothing but turn into a couch potato.
I really need to get a job. Anything, really, at least to be of some importance in this place.
I’ve been here for two months, close to three now. I can’t just do nothing at this point.
I look around the living room, eyeing the mess on the shelves that didn’t even last a day or two after Grace had cleaned it; it’s back to how it was.
I cleaned the house until the sun came up, sweeping the floors while Armando watched me. The robot helped me here and there, but mostly it was just me. By the time Grace woke up, Armando had already prepared his breakfast, and I was sitting on the other couch using Grace’s laptop to watch a documentary about animals.
He told me it was fine to use, even his headphones, and since I didn’t want to bother him, I did just that. I brought the inner blanket from Grace’s room and draped it over my head so I wouldn’t disturb him with the bright light from the screen.
“You’re, uh, already awake,” I startle to hear Grace say as he pushes back the blanket on my back.
I let the headphones fall around my neck as I look at Grace, who moved, his eyes bleary and half-awake. His hair is even worse in the morning, standing up in all directions, and his eyes are squinted as if he’s trying to see if the blob sitting on the couch is me.
“Good morning," I greet him as I see him rub his eyes, look around, and spot his glasses by the coffee table. He places them on his face, squinting at me. “You’re already awake. And using my laptop… and headphones,” he says.
“You said I could borrow it… and I’ve been awake since 1 AM. I’m watching you sleep. Like how the Eridians do it. Rocky isn’t here to watch you,” I explain.
For some reason, I feel pretty nervous saying all of that—I feel like I’ve done something very, very wrong. But Grace doesn’t seem weirded out or concerned. If anything, he seems flattered, wearing a small smile on his face that’s borderline turning into a grin as he sits up.
Suddenly, I feel a bit embarrassed. “You look cozy. Watching on my laptop… wearing my headphones… and look, you’re even wearing my favorite hoodie that I somehow forgot existed. Is that my pajamas? I thought I lost that in Mary or forgot to bring it down,” Grace says as he sits up. I blink at him, slowly shutting the laptop. I feel like I’ve done something wrong—“Wait no, you can continue what you’re doing—I, um—gotta eat breakfast and take a bath,” Grace says, grinning nervously as he taps his socked feet on the floor while I watch him, blinking slowly.
Okay.
I watch him look at me, grinning as if he’s thinking about something I seriously cannot read. He slides on his sliders but trips on the coffee table, letting out a yelp and wearing an embarrassed look on his face as he gives me a grin while walking away to the kitchen, slipping a few times as I put the headphones back on, flipping the blanket over my head and staying there for a few hours.
I can hear utensils clattering and Grace talking to Armando, then footsteps stop close beside me, but I don’t flip the blanket off again; I know for sure Grace is there.
Then I hear him take a bath.
After that, I clean up, putting the blanket back in Grace’s room, and charging the laptop and headphones by the nightstand. I come back to the living room, meeting Grace halfway as he exits the bathroom, a towel around his neck and his face flushed from the warm bath.
“Oh hey, you’re done doing... uh... stuff?” Grace asks, looking a bit nervous rocking on his heels as I nod.
“Are you going to have class today?” I ask him, and Grace gives me a confused look at first before snapping out of it and nodding.
“Yeah, yeah, I am. Why?” he asks.
“I haven’t been doing anything; I want to come with,” I say, and Grace's brows shoot up in surprise.
“You do?” Grace asks, sounding genuinely surprised that I’m interested in him teaching kids. Is it weird that I want to come? I just nod and make a shrugging motion as Grace seems to consider it before nodding.
He grins. “Okay.”
—
Eridian children are not for the weak. Grace mentioned on the way that years ago, his classes would be conducted with the children placed behind reinforced xenonite walls, where the class would sit inside a cave while he taught them. But since the Eridian scientists created the new and safer suits they wear, the children asked for those as well to be able to get closer to Grace.
They were... a lot. I’ve never been a person who's good with kids; I was able to move around them, but kids don’t really like me. And I don’t really want to know why; it might just hurt me a bit if I do.
The Eridian kids are called pebbles. Well, in English, they're called pebbles, but the actual Eridians call them something different. Grace chose "pebbles" because it's cute and fitting. I have to agree as well.
Anyways, back to what’s happening. I actually have no idea what’s going on. I’ve become Grace’s teaching assistant; I was introduced as much. The Eridian children are all excited to see me, and none of them wore a translator, aside from the heavy laptop screen that Grace has at the side of the cave showing what they say.
But they talk all at once, making it impossible to follow, so I learned a new tactic: smiling and nodding—doing that repeatedly whenever they talk to me while Grace addresses other children, telling them to form groups while they all flock around his legs, excitedly tugging at his pants and running around.
“They’re a bit hard to control from time to time; it got worse when their parents let them use the suits. Sorry about this,” Grace said as I tried to help him organize the groups so they could finally start their work. Apparently, aside from just science, most Eridian children like art... or, I suppose, creating things like sculptures or carvings. And while Grace isn’t an artist, he is also covering that part in his teaching materials. “They’re very excited to meet you; they always ask for you,” Grace said when a few more Eridian children flocked around me this time, trying to climb over me.
And god—they are very heavy. I don’t think I’m weak, but the lack of food gets to you, and I don’t think I can carry a 200-pound rock that wriggles and moves when I try to carry them. So in the end, the group work changed into just them piling around me while Grace used a whiteboard to teach, walking around and talking.
I was supposed to be the assistant. But I guess, in a way, I became a cushion for the kids. They’re heavy and very—very warm when together (almost hot), but I don’t mind. The class lasted almost two hours, and at some point, my back started to hurt with all the arguments between the Eridian children about who gets to lay half of their body on my lap.
Grace probably felt sorry for me halfway through because he made everyone take a break and let the children run around the shore and jump in the water. “Well, that went well,” Grace said as I stood up, stumbling a bit. The feeling in my legs was completely gone; I might as well have cut them off and I wouldn’t feel a single thing.
Eridians, children or adults, are still pretty heavy. They’re rocks, for godsakes, and I’m a squishy human—both Grace and I are. “You okay?” Grace placed a warm hand on my shoulder as I gave him a look that I hoped conveyed, ‘Do you think?’ He responded with a wincing laugh, patting my back and rubbing it for a few moments until he stopped, as I gave him another look. He then stepped away, fidgeting with his hands.
“The kids love you, Si, but you know you have to stand your ground. It’s okay to tell them no so they know what your boundaries are. Eridians love to... you know,” Grace made motions with his hands that looked like his hands piling on top of each other.
“They pile for comfort, and they think it’s fine with you. They tried that with me as well, and well—almost broke a leg. Rocky wanted to take away the suits from the kids, but I had to stop him since I can’t really blame the kids; this is probably their first time meeting aliens like us.” Grace shrugged.
“Get it, we’re the aliens since we’re technically on their planet?” Grace grinned, snickering as I just gave him a slow blink at that. “Okay, tough crowd,” Grace joked, making a sad, pathetic face as I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him while he grinned again.
We both turned towards the Eridian children, watching them loudly whistle as they laughed and swam around in the shallow waters, letting the waves take them and roll them back to the shore. “I see why you like teaching so much,” I eventually said as we walked down the steep hill and to the shore to watch over the kids. It was obvious by now that they weren’t going back to class; they looked too absorbed in the fact that Grace had let them swim in the ocean.
I find a rock I can sit on, letting Grace follow and sit beside me. We both sit close, our hips flush as Grace wiggles a bit and twitches like he’s not used to being in one place. He rocks his leg, shaking mine as I sit there, watching over the Eridian children.
I eventually get tired of all his twitching and kick him lightly with my foot. Grace stops moving, looking extremely embarrassed as I give him a tired look. Can’t I sit in peace without anyone rocking their leg and shaking me?
“Do you always move this much when someone is close?” I ask, and Grace winces. “Sorry—I guess… Still not used to being able to… I don’t know… touch someone?” Grace winces again. “Sorry, that sounds weird—I didn’t mean to make it sound weird," he corrects himself.
I get it. Grace is… well, he’s just like me in that I seek out a specific thing from the people around me. He wants touch, and I guess I want people to see me as Simon, not the butcher, not the convict.
“I guess it’s nice I have a fellow human here… in Erid. I said what I said in the lab; you’re a good guy, Simon. It’s great to have you here. It does sometimes get a bit lonely when you realize it’s just you in this place among other species.” Grace shrugs, leaning back on his hands.
Yeah… I agree with that.
The time inside the sub was nothing but a nightmare. But at the same time, I felt like even if I were taken out of the sub, I wouldn’t experience anything close to what I am experiencing now with Grace, Rocky, and the other Eridians in this place.
I would still be treated the same—as trash, get hurt, get spat on, you know, insane things that I wouldn’t even wish on the people I hate (kind of).
So I guess… I understand Grace.
I like it here, and I know for a fact if someone tries to take me away, I’d be screaming and yelling. I want to stay here, with these Eridians; I don’t need other humans… well, aside from Grace. I think I’ve gotten too used to all his rambling and talking about things I can barely understand.
It’s white noise at this point.
Right now, I’m just Simon with no last name, a guy who came from another universe, welded inside a rusty submarine and was taking a bath in hot blood, discovered by a bunch of Eridian scientists and a single human from the planet Erid.
And I’m happy with that. Is it selfish of me to actually want to stay here? Shouldn’t I be fighting to go back to my world?
I—honestly, I don’t know anymore. I wanted to save humanity; I wanted it more than to just live. Now I live, but I failed my people…
I didn’t get the black box to the surface.
The black box…
Is the black box still inside the submarine? What if Adrian, Rocky, or worse, Grace gets a hand on it? Would that mean they would see everything? All the pictures, the audios…
I’m worried—
“Hey, you still there?” Grace knocks his feet onto mine, shaking me back to reality as I startle, turning to him and just realizing that he’s been watching me all this time. I lower my hand, which I’ve somehow started biting again (I guess it has been a habit I’ve had since I was a kid; it was just a matter of biting my nails, but now I’ve come so far as to peel my skin. It’s disgusting, I know, but I feel soothed from it from time to time).
“Don’t do that.” Grace motions with his mouth as I lower my hand to my lap. He’s giving me his teacher voice again; I don’t know if I should feel a bit offended.
“Not a kid,” I retort, but Grace just grins before he bumps his shoulder against mine, and I let out a breath through my nose. This man is touchy.
But I let him.
“Believe it or not… I like it here too,” I finally say, and Grace brightens up at that. “Not planning to go home anytime soon, huh?” he jokes. Not like I can get back at all. But knowing Grace, he’d try if I tell him yes.
And… I don’t want to.
“Hey! Andrea! Just along the shallow water, no going to the deeper parts!” I flinch when Grace yells, standing up as the Eridian—Andrea—chirps and swims back from almost the deeper parts, jumping onto one of the other Eridian’s back happily. They all roll around in the sand as I watch them, feeling a strange calm.
Grace sits back down, now a bit calmer now that the kids are in the shallow parts. “God, they’re harder to control than the kids back on Earth; at least there they listen. Here, it’s hard to make them listen.”
“You don’t say,” I reply blandly as Grace snickers. He then claps me on the back and stands up, stepping away as he calls the children. I sit there with my hands on my lap, feeling the remaining warmth from Grace.
My stomach rumbles again, and I sigh internally—hungry again, water again; life is back on track. I look up at the sky, staring at the artificial sun. For a moment, my vision blurs, and I have to look back down and shake my head, hoping the disorientation will pass. My left eye feels like sand has gotten into it, so I rub it, but my vision continues to spin and move from side to side.
That’s normal, right? I tend to experience these lapses in vision rarely here when I look at things that are too bright. It’s probably because I’m still not used to the brightness in this place.
I rub my left eye a few more times before eventually joining Grace and the other children by the shore. The moment I step closer, I get splashed from head to toe. Grace was already wet—now it’s my turn.
I sigh internally and accept my fate.
—
It’s night again, and once more, I am pretty much awake. After Grace’s class, I had time to sleep, and Grace watched over me while he did his... whatever science project he’s working on. He actually offered to let me sleep on the couch, and for a moment, I wanted to reject it since I preferred the bed.
But he went on a tangent about how I needed new scenery for sleeping—I have no idea if that’s even important considering I'm dead asleep and it wouldn’t matter if I slept on the couch or the bed. Eventually, I agreed because Grace can get borderline whiny if he doesn’t get what he wants.
So, I slept on the couch while Grace sat on the floor by the coffee table, already at work. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep. Around dinner time, I woke up to find Grace by the coffee table eating his dinner, not even bothering to switch to the dining table and instead just bringing his food to the coffee table for some reason.
I was wrapped in Grace’s colorful blanket, with another pillow placed under my neck and another under the back of my knee. Apparently, my comfort is very important to Grace.
And eventually, here I am—the one watching over Grace as he sleeps on the couch this time. I drank some water, took a nice warm bath, and got Grace’s laptop and headphones, spending my night sitting beside the couch where he is sleeping, wrapped in a light blanket while watching videos about a woman caring for plants all night.
It was nice. The house is warm at night, and I’ve wrapped myself in a light blanket; the living room is bathed in a very faint yellow light. Grace is lying on his side, facing my back, and I can feel his breath heating up the back of my head along with his loud snores that jump from being quiet to sounding like he’s choking on some kind of bone.
I turned around a few times to look at him, a bit worried that maybe he was actually choking, but he’s just a serial snorer. God.
Anyways, back to the video, I guess. The night was peaceful. I cranked up the volume on the video because Grace snores a bit too loudly, and I debated moving to the other couch to save myself the pain of being snored on.
But… well, this is the same place where Grace stayed the whole time while watching over me, and I guess I should repay him by doing the same thing.
“Mfffphh.” I blink a little when I hear Grace make a sound, moving the headphones back to look at him. His snores have lessened; he’s still breathing, and his brows are furrowed. His hand, which is curled under his cheek, is twitching slightly. The sigh almost reminds me of a child; he looks almost innocent.
I stayed still for a moment, the video paused as I stared at his face. When Grace didn’t move or make a sound, I went back to watching.
Grace moved around on the couch, and I paused the video again to look at him, seeing him turn his back to me. A pillow fell to the side, and I crawled over it to pick it up and place it under my knees as I listened to Grace’s breaths again.
“Mmmphm hmmmph… ball—mshhh… Rocky?” Grace blubbered, his voice half-asleep, and I couldn’t help but furrow my brow. Does he think I’m Rocky, or is he dreaming?
“It’s Simon,” I said anyway, just in case.
Grace didn’t respond. So he’s dreaming… okay. I shrugged at that and went back to watching.
It was still midnight, around 3 to 4 a.m. I didn’t think it was Grace’s time to wake up yet. He has classes from 9 to 11, but since the Eridian children like it, he sometimes extends it up to 1. So, I usually catch him waking up around 8, which is considered late, and 7 if Grace is feeling a little excited to start the day, which I think is always.
I continue watching before I hear sniffing. I pause the video again and finally set the laptop aside, letting the blanket slide off my shoulders as I stand over Grace.
And there I see it.
He’s crying—or at least tearing up. Tears are pooling on the pillow underneath him; his eyes are still closed, but his chest is shaking and his breaths are trembling. The way he cries is controlled.
He’s not awake—he’s definitely asleep because I tapped him lightly on the shoulder. “Grace?” I say softly at first, but the small poke turns into my palm resting on his shoulder as I push him onto his back and fix his posture. He’s still crying.
I’ve always kind of known he’s a very empathetic person, and I’ve seen him cry—mostly happy tears—from time to time... but never this. Never tears of sadness.
It makes my chest ache. “No… no,” Grace mumbles, tears still falling down his face as I wipe them with my thumb and give him another gentle shake. “Grace, you’re dreaming. Wake up.” I tap his cheek lightly, unsure of what to do.
“‘Don’t wanna go… killing me… you’re killing me!” Grace cries, pushing me away. I dodge back in surprise as he starts to twitch and fight the air. My hands are up, unsure of what to do, as I stand at the side.
“I don’t want to die,” Grace cries, moving as if he’s trying to push someone away. He rolls again—almost to the edge—so I quickly move to catch him, grabbing his wrist to stop him from accidentally hitting me. I move it back to his chest. “Grace. Grace. You’re having a nightmare. Wake up,” I say as calmly as possible.
But it doesn’t look like it’s working.
He’s crying much louder than before, kicking his legs. A few pillows fall to the floor, and his legs get tangled in the blanket. I hold his wrist gently as he cries out, trying to push me away. “Don’t send me off... please... don’t send me off. ‘M scared. ‘M scared,” Grace continues to sniffle. I have to physically bite my lip to stop myself from telling him that it’s okay to be scared and that he’s very brave.
But he’s asleep, and he’s probably having the worst nightmare ever. Words won’t help. “Grace, it’s okay,” I say again.
This time, I don’t say anything more. I hold Grace’s wrist in one hand as he continues to twitch and fight me back. As quickly as possible, knowing I’m not really as strong as Grace, I grab his blanket and wrap it around him, forcing his arms to stay against his chest as I secure him in the warm fabric.
Grace is still crying—but it’s lessening as I make him comfortable. I gather all the pillows that fell on the floor and prop them under Grace’s feet, giving him another fluffy pillow under his head to make him more comfortable than ever.
Tears are still falling.
I make sure to wipe them away with my hand, as gently as possible. “Don’t wanna die... don’t send me off to space... so scared... Rocky...” Grace sniffs, turning his head to the side. His lashes flutter as his eyes move beneath his closed lids. I kneel beside the couch, unsure of what to do next.
I’ve made his space as comfortable as possible. I wrapped the blanket around him to stop him from hurting himself. He’s getting quiet, but he’s still crying.
What should I do next? What would my mom do?
When I had nightmares as a kid, she would just hold me and run her hand through my hair. She’d always laugh about how short my hair was; that’s one of the reasons I let it grow as a teen—so she could do that to me, and it would feel much better.
Grace’s hair isn’t long, but it isn’t short either. I think I can do what Mom used to do for me.
I don’t know if I’m breaking Grace’s boundaries because he’s never explicitly said he has one.
But,
fuck it.
I inch closer to Grace’s head and lean on the armrest near the pillow underneath him. He’s still crying, mumbling words under his breath. I wipe away the tears again and shush him before running my hand gently through his scalp.
For a moment, I stop when Grace ceases crying. It’s instantaneous—like my hand running through his hair instantly calmed him.
So I do it again, and again, and again. Grace’s shaky breaths slowly calm down, but I don’t stop. I’m worried that he’ll have another bad dream.
I kneel beside the couch, running my hand through his hair.
I don’t know for how long, but I think midway, the calming and repetitive motion, as well as the softness of Grace’s hair under my fingers and the warmth radiating off him, lulled me to sleep.
I didn’t even have time to remove my hand from his head before darkness took over me.