Chapter Text
How do you fit eight years into a couple of boxes?
Eight years. Eight years of hard work. Eight years of dedicating himself to a team he’d dreamed of playing for before reality ripped that away from him.
Now reality was ripping this away from him too.
Shane had already gone through his desk and packed one box, all that was left was what he had sitting on top. His water bottle, some stress balls, his special mouse pad with the wrist rest, a custom funko pop all of the trainers got for Christmas a couple of years ago. Anything Metros branded was either staying behind or thrown in the trash, he wouldn’t be able to look at it again.
But the final items were the hardest to pack. Three pictures. One of him with his parents at center ice right after getting the job. One from a summer barbecue of him, Hayden, and JJ. Then the last one, the 2016 Cup winning team with all coaches and crew. That last picture would go into another box he already started at home, along with all of the Metros stuff he couldn’t bring himself to throw away but knew he wouldn’t be able to look at either.
And just like that, an empty desk. He’ll leave the training facility, home of two dead dreams, for the last time. He put both boxes out in the hallway, turned out the lights, and after locking the door he just stopped and leaned his head into it and closed his eyes.
How could this happen to him? He’d never hid anything from anyone, he’d just not advertised it. He had come out back in college but hadn’t dated much since working with the team. It just never came up. Straight people didn’t have to come out, why should he?
One overheard conversation caused his entire world to crash around him and left him with a mountain of what ifs? What if Hayden had waited until dinner that night to let him know Jackie had a friend to set Shane up with and that he was a really nice guy? What if someone other than Comeau, the most homophobic player on the team, heard the conversation? What if more than just Hayden and JJ stood up for him when the players started refusing to work with Shane because they “were uncomfortable with him”? What if leadership had done their jobs and told the guys to get over it?
What if Shane never got hurt in 2009 and was never in this position to begin with?
Shane shook it off, he couldn't undo what happened. He walked with his two boxes, heavy with eight years of memories and dreams, and stopped by security on his way out to turn in his passcard and keys. After some quick pleasantries Shane was 100% not in the mood for, he was finally out the door and heading to his Jeep. After getting in he finally lets himself look at his phone for the first time today.
Hayden:
Hey bud, I know you're packing up today. Let us know when you’re good to come by for dinner. Jackie, the kids, and I are all here for you.
JJ:
Ces enfoirés paieront
Rose:
Facetime me when you’re ready, we have revenge to plan
I’ll go back to cheering for Detroit, a Michigan girl never forgets
But seriously, hope you’re doing well, please call
Mom:
I know today’s going to be hard. Dad and I love you Shane. See you tonight.
As much as it all sucked, it was nice knowing he still had some people in his corner.
—
“Ugh, turn it off!”
Shane had to look around for a moment and make sure he knew where he was. Because he’s pretty sure he just heard his mom say to turn off a hockey game for the first time in his life.
His dad came out of the kitchen wearing an apron, “I’m sorry, did I just hear my wife say to turn off a hockey game?”
“Well personally I’m not interested in watching a team that rejected my son win the Stanley Cup, so yes I said to turn it off.”
Shane laughed, “Mom it’s the first round, you don’t know that they’re going to win. And Hayden and JJ are still on the team. I want to support them.”
Yuna gives Shane the look, “Shane, you’ve worked with those guys. You know they’re going all the way this season.”
David laughs, “You know what I always say, your mother-”
“Is a witch, I know.” Shane laughed, but he turned the game off. Watching the game from his parents house in Ottawa felt hollow compared to being in the arena, ready to go. But maybe it was time to get away from the sport. Maybe this was a reminder that hockey had been the source of so much pain in his life.
Sitting in his parents house was a constant reminder of what could have been. His childhood bedroom was full of jerseys and trophies from a childhood full of hockey leagues. He’d worked hard and made it all the way up to the Junior World team. He remembered the scouts at all his games and practices. The way he was talked about Shane expected to be a number one draft pick. All of his dreams rested on this tournament.
And that tournament tore them all away in a single game. A freak accident that led to a shattered ankle. He never even made it to the final game. Canada ended up with a silver medal, Shane ended up with a fused ankle and shattered dreams. There were other ways to be involved in hockey, but it didn’t stop Shane from imagining what could have been if he’d been out there leading Montreal from the ice.
“...did you hear me Shane?” His dad leaned towards him, looking concerned.
“What?”
“I said dinner’s ready.”
“Oh, okay. I’m coming.”
His dad obviously recognized he was off, but didn’t say anything. Shane knew he needed to come over tonight, but couldn’t come over too much. Every time his parents looked at him it was with a pity he hadn’t seen since his potential hockey career ended 11 years ago. Sitting at the table any time he was quiet for too long he could see his mom looking at him, knowing if he didn’t say something soon she would ask if he was okay.
How was he supposed to be okay? Everything he ever tried, everything he ever could say he was good at got ripped away from him. Sure he could work for another team, but how long until this happens again? And what are the chances he gets a job that doesn’t require him to move away from everyone he loves? He’d have to figure out what to do next, but tonight was just about surviving without breaking down in front of his parents.
After dinner Shane offered to clean up, but his parents refused to let him. Guilt crept in, knowing it’s because of the events of the day. But Shane had a 2 hour drive home to his apartment in Montreal, so he accepted it.
“So when will we see you next?” His Mom yelled from the sink as he put on his shoes.
“I’m not sure,” Shane wants to say Not until I figure things out so you can be proud of me again.
“I’ll let you know when I’m in town.”
“Hey, I have a buddy from college who works in accounting for the Ottawa Centaurs. Do you want me to ask him about any jobs with them?” This was the question Shane was dreading. He didn’t want to get a job just because his dad knew a guy. He wanted to get a job on his own merit. So it was time to pull a card he wasn’t sure if he was going to pull.
“Actually I was thinking about using my other degree.”
After the accident and a year of denial, Shane finally realized he was going to have to go to college and get a degree in something. He couldn’t decide between education or athletic training so he did the most Shane Hollander thing he could do and did a double major. After graduation he’d planned on using the education degree, but one of his old friends from juniors had heard about an athletic trainer position in Montreal. At the time it felt like fate. The team he felt like he would have played for had a position he was qualified for. It came up during his interview process and management admitted it was part of the reason they were interested in hiring him.
But fate was cruel and ended this dream just like it ended his hockey playing dream.
“Oh wow, I wasn’t expecting that!”
“Yeah, I think I need a change. Hayden and Jackie want me to come over for dinner this week so I’m going to see if she’s heard about any jobs around Montreal.”
“Well don’t be a stranger, we love you Shane.”
Shane hugged his parents goodbye. As he pulled out of their driveway to go back to Montreal he promised himself the next time he came here he’d have his life back on track.
Whatever that looked like now.
—
“You can’t fight a whole hockey team, Rose.”
“You’re right. Hayden and JJ will be on my side. So it will be the three of us and we’ll be pissed. That counts for a lot.”
Shane tried to do his morning routine, but remembered he had nowhere to go after he got ready. He didn’t even have gym membership, one of the perks of the job was using a professional sports gym instead of an Anytime Fitness. So he went on a run, then messaged Rose asking if she wanted to Facetime. They had dated while they were both at McGill before Shane came out. Part of what made coming out so hard was he was afraid of losing her as a friend. Instead it made them closer than before, he couldn’t get rid of her if he tried.
And thank god for it. He couldn’t handle losing anyone else.
“Well they need the team so they can get another cup. Ask them in June and maybe they’ll be ready to fight then.”
“Oh for sure. Do you think Jackie would fight too? Pretty sure she considers you another child.”
“Hey, if I want to get a teaching job I’m pretty sure I’ll need her as a reference. I would like at least one of my friends to stay out of jail.”
“Woah, wait,” Rose readjusted her phone from where it had been laying while she was getting ready for a modeling job she had later so she could see Shane better. “A teaching job? I wasn’t expecting that. I thought you were going to stick with sports.”
“Yeah, decided if I put in all that work I might as well use both of my degrees at some point.” Shane was trying to hide the real reason, but he should have known Rose would see past it.
She stared him down before speaking, “Fine, Jackie gets a pass. Know any other hockey players willing to help a girl get revenge?”
“I unfortunately fell in love with a deeply homophobic sport.”
“Oh well, it’s me, Hayden, and JJ against the world.”
“My saviors, I’ll start the bail fund now.”
“Oh you better, I have one phone number memorized and it’s yours baby.”
They both laughed. Shane was just happy for someone in his life who didn’t look at him like a kicked puppy. Rose obviously felt bad for him, but she wasn’t constantly asking if he was okay. He wasn’t okay, but he would be. He had to be.
“I should probably go, you have a job to get to, right?”
“Yeah, and you have a job to hunt?”
“Ugh, first time in eight years. And that one basically fell in my lap.”
“Well good luck, keep me updated. Love you!”
“Will do, love you too.”
After hanging up the silence in the apartment suddenly felt suffocating. Shane had looked at some job sites before calling Rose, but the thought of looking through listings was overwhelming. He just left his job yesterday. He knew he needed to take a couple of days. Thanks to his Dad handling his finances he knew he had 9 months of savings he could live on. But the thought of not knowing what his next steps were beyond just figure it out made him feel like he was a balloon who had been let go, floating aimlessly. He had lived his life according to a plan since he was seven years old. He needed to figure something out, and figure it out soon.
Shane
Hey, I know you haven’t done it since having the twins, but I was thinking about looking for teaching jobs. I was wondering if you or someone you knew had any leads.
Shane didn’t have to wait long for a response.
Jackie
That’s exciting! I’ll ask around and see if any of my friends know of openings at their schools. What age range is your certification for?
Shane
Primary
Jackie
Oh, I thought you did the older kids.
Shane
Nope, primary education
Jackie
That actually works better, that’s the age range most of my friends work in. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.
Shane
Thank you. You’re the best Jackie.
After getting a thumbs up on his last text, Shane finally got in the shower. It’s not an application, but talking to Jackie at least felt like a first step. Easing his way into the job hunt. Maybe if he’s lucky it will turn out like the last time, when he gets out of the shower Jackie will have found the perfect job and he won’t actually have to look. But one thought won’t leave his mind.
Look how the last perfect job ended up?
Maybe he just needs to come to terms with the fact that there is no perfect job. Most people seem to hate their job. Shane just got incredibly lucky to have not hated his job.
Until the job hated you.
Shane needed to get out of the shower. The apartment is too quiet. It doesn’t matter where he goes, he needs noise. Grab keys, grab coat, grab phone, and leave.
One unread message
Maybe this is it. Maybe Jackie really was the miracle worker Hayden always said. Maybe she found the dream job while Shane was in the shower. Or just a job that kept a roof over his head. He opened the message and his stomach sank when he realized it’s from his Dad.
Dad
Hey, I know you said not to call my friend, but sorry I had to do it. Give me a call when you get the chance.
Deep down Shane knew his dad would call. Shane just wasn’t sure if he was ready to swallow his pride.
—
Shane loved dinner at Hayden and Jackie’s. He'd been friends with Hayden since they had played hockey together as juniors. Then after they reconnected when Shane was hired by the Metros they quickly became inseparable. The only thing Hayden could have done to make their friendship any firmer was to marry Jackie. While Shane could talk to Hayden about hockey, Jackie was a teacher and was someone he could talk to about the other passion in his life.
Shane had always loved working with kids. Part of what drew him to education was all of the men in his life were either coaches, athletes, or family. He wanted to be the role model in a kid’s life that he didn’t get growing up. Even if he didn’t go that direction after college, Hayden had a horde of children Shane was able to use his classroom management skills on.
“Uncle Shane!” He hadn’t even made it in the door before he was tackled by Ruby and Jade. He scooped one under each arm so he could get inside.
“Hey girls! What are we doing today?”
“We wanted Arthur to be an elephant so we could play safari, but he won’t do it!”
“Well we’ll find something else to do for now and maybe he’ll want to play safari after dinner.”
Shane knew he wouldn’t, Arthur was a quiet kid surrounded by three sisters who could best be described as contained chaos. Shane’s goal was usually to keep Ruby and Jade entertained, make sure Arthur knew he was welcome to join them, and hold Amber as much as she would let him.
“Hey Shane! Hayden’s running late, but dinner’s almost ready!” Shane knew Hayden wouldn’t be there yet. Montreal was in the playoffs against Boston. practices would go late and hard. They would probably be done eating before he even came in the door.
Shane would know. Shane should be there.
“No problem, I think I’m going on a pre dinner safari.”
Jackie laughed, “Good, leave my children with the wild animals where they belong.”
After 20 minutes in a jeep made of pillows, mid hyena attack, dinner was served. Shane and Jackie managed to get the kids settled just in time for Hayden to walk in the door. So after getting them resettled, it was a normal routine. Shane sitting between Ruby and Jade, Hayden with Arthur, and Jackie with Amber. Conversations occasionally interrupted by a kid needing help cutting something or needing more juice. For Shane it felt blessedly normal. As if his life hadn't just fallen apart.
"So Shane, I put some feelers out about jobs for you."
Shit, he knew he forgot something.
"My dad actually may have found something that I applied for a couple of days ago."
"Really? I didn't know your dad had any education connections."
"He doesn't, he has a friend who works for the Centaurs who found something that hopefully works for me."
Hayden laughed, "I thought you said you wanted to get away from hockey? I mean, what the Cens do can barely be considered hockey but…"
"Hey! That was my team growing up!" Hayden wasn't wrong. Shane couldn't remember the last time the Ottawa Centaurs were considered an actual threat. But they were the home team, you couldn't call Shane a fair weather fan. It was also a little act of rebellion against his mom, the worlds biggest Metros fan.
Well, former Metros fan.
"Well no accounting for taste man."
"You're right, look at my best friend." Shane and Jackie laugh while Hayden scowls. "Anyway, it's not a job with the Centaurs. Apparently one of the players has a daughter they are looking for a full time tutor for. It's not a permanent job, just until she's done with kindergarten next spring."
"Oh wow, which player?" Hayden asks.
"No idea, I haven't even had an interview yet. My dad's friend talked to whoever is doing the hiring and sent my resume through. And that was just this morning, I'm not expecting to hear anything yet. But here's the thing, I've looked at the roster. I've dug as much as I could, I can't find any player who fits. No one has a daughter that age that I can find mention of anywhere. So it's someone who's kept a tight lid on their private life."
"Well that could be half the team honestly. When you have a record like the Centaurs it's a lot easier to hide from media attention. Any guesses?"
"Not a single one. Hopefully I'll find out soon."
"Shane buddy, you dropped a bomb. Now we gotta speculate. See, it's gotta be someone well established as a hockey player. A new guy couldn't afford a full time private tutor. It's either a single guy or someone cheating on their wife."
"Okay, I could get behind the first one. Why the second one?
"I'm with Shane on this," Jackie interjected. "Someone cheating on their wife feels like a huge leap."
Hayden lifted up both hands, "Hear me out, this feels like someone with a whole secret life. Why would you need to hide the fact that you have a daughter? I never shut up about my kids."
"He's right Jackie, everyone in the Metros could probably tell you every detail of your kids lives."
"And I listen to all the guys talk about their families. That's why I think it's someone who has a reason to hide their family."
"And if that's the case I'm okay with waiting for an interview to hear the details and never tell you Hayd."
"You are a cruel man Shane Hollander."
"Well we're about to be cruel parents, it's bedtime." Jackie lifts Amber to take her upstairs while Hayden herds the rest of the kids. Shane finally looked at his phone.
Dad
Hey, I heard from Pete. Expect a phone call tomorrow morning.
Well, looks like he'd figure out who the mystery dad was sooner rather than later.